Dear Diary,
Daddy is very tired from yesterday and he has been sleeping all day. Lin gave him a special drink and now he looks very peaceful. Lin told me not to tell Daddy that they are married. She said that she wanted to introduce it slowly to him, when he feels better.
I don’t think Iluve likes me at all. She hasn’t said anything to me at all and whenever I try to talk with her, she ignores me. At first, I thought she couldn’t speak, but when Lin asked her a question, she responded.
Granid used to do the same. Maybe you get meaner when you get older.
~
Dear Diary,
Lin found us a new apartment! It is very nice. There are two bedrooms, a kitchen, and a sitting room and the bathroom has indoor plumbing! Iluve and I will share a room, but Lin promised that she’ll get us new beds so we don’t have to sleep together, as soon as Daddy gets better. Daddy is still very sick, but Lin says that he’ll heal a lot more quickly now that we have a new home.
The apartment doesn’t have any furniture in it, but that’s all right. Lin bought us some big comfortable blankets, so we’re sleeping on that until Lin can go furniture shopping with Daddy. She says that Daddy is very important to her, so she wants to make sure that he approves. The only thing she is getting right now is a bed for Daddy, so that he can be comfortable since he is very sick.
The apartment is very empty and whenever I speak, my voice echoes everywhere. Iluve and I started yelling to see who echoed the loudest. She won. She has a really big voice!
She is still very quiet, but at least she is starting to speak to me.
~
Dear Diary,
Iluve and I made rice pudding today and we talked a lot! I think we shall become great friends. She found out that I was allergic to eggs, so she asked me what I ate if I couldn’t eat eggs, so I told her what I ate and we were so hungry afterwards that we ate two apples each! Lin was mad, but I am really happy that I can talk with Iluve, so I don’t mind.
Lin has been taking care of Daddy all day. She says that he is doing a lot better and soon he’ll be back to his regular spirits in no time! I am so happy. Lin has been so nice to Daddy and me. I gave her a big hug and told her that I was glad that she was my mommy, and she said she was glad that I was her daughter. Isn’t that nice?
Lin doesn’t want me to call her mommy yet, since she doesn’t want to upset Daddy since he doesn’t know that they’re married, but she said that once Daddy got better, she wouldn’t mind if I called her my mommy, if Daddy didn’t reject her. I don’t think he will. He’s a very nice daddy.
~
Dear Diary,
Daddy is getting better! He remembers me and Lin, but he doesn’t remember who Hoas is and he doesn’t know that Granid is in prison. Lin says that I shouldn’t be upset. She says that the fever has made Daddy’s head hurt, so he is not remembering everything, but she says that she will be patient with him and I shouldn’t worry about a thing.
I am still worried, but Daddy seems much better than before. He still sleeps a lot and he can’t move without help, but at least he knows more.
I don’t think Iluve likes Daddy that much. She doesn’t like seeing him at all and whenever Lin calls him Daddy, she jumps and looks really nervous. I will ask her why.
~
Dear Diary,
Iluve says that she’s not afraid of my daddy at all. She just doesn’t like him because he is being mean to her mommy and taking advantage of her. She says he is selfish and hateful, because her mommy has to do all the work and my daddy does nothing.
I feel really bad. I told her that Daddy was a really hard worker and that when he got better, he would work very hard, but I don’t think she believes me.
Lin has to go to the flower shop tomorrow, so she told me to sit by Daddy and give him whatever he wants. She says I won’t have to move him at all for anything, so I shouldn’t worry about that. She’ll try to be back soon!
~
Dear Diary,
Today was awful. Daddy said he needed to move, but I told him that Lin was gone and she told me that I wasn’t supposed to move him. So he was very frustrated and he asked where Granid was. I didn’t know what to say. I told him Granid had gone away and wouldn’t be back for a long time, so he asked me to get Temas. I told him that Temas wasn’t here, but Lin was and she would be back in the evening since she was in the flower shop, but he didn’t believe me. He said that he didn’t want Lin and that he wanted Granid and I should go out and look for him because he needed him right away, since he couldn’t move and he needed to move badly. Then he started crying. I got upset, so I asked him if I could do anything for him, but he said that I couldn’t do anything for him and he asked me to leave because he didn’t want me to see him like this.
I feel really bad. I wish I was older because then I would be able to help Daddy. Right now, he is so sick and I am so useless. I wish Lin were here! She can fix anything.
Iluve is reading a book and ignoring me. Daddy was crying for a while, but he’s stopped now and he’s finally asleep.
I am going to make dinner. I will make Daddy’s favorite recipe that he’s always loved. Maybe he’ll be happier then.
~
Dear Diary,
Daddy is very mad at Lin. When she came to visit him after she came home from work, he yelled at her and told her that she was a cruel woman who wished to destroy him and any dignity that he had left. Lin was very upset at this and she started crying. She tried to hide it from us, but Iluve and I saw it and we were very upset.
I am ashamed of Daddy. He never should have said those things. He probably didn’t mean them and only said them because he is so sick and hurt, but he has never said anything so mean before, even when he was sick.
When Daddy realized that Lin was crying, he tried to apologize, but she ran out of the apartment away from us. She’s only just come back.
Now, she and Daddy are talking in Daddy’s room very quietly. Iluve and I tried to listen in, but they had really low voices and we couldn’t hear them very well from under the door. Daddy’s voice just sounds like a rumble. Iluve seems very worried.
I hope he realizes that Lin is all right. She has done so much for us already. She had to leave to take care of her business, but that is all right because that business gives us enough money for three meals a day. It is a good business and he should be kind to her for that, because we have nothing and Lin would share everything that she had.
I hope they get along soon. I don’t like it when they argue.
~
Dear Diary,
When I came into Daddy’s room this morning, Daddy was fast asleep and Lin was sleeping on the floor next to him. She looked really uncomfortable and she didn’t have a blanket, so I put one over her, but that only made her wake up. She seemed so sad and tired, so I offered to make her breakfast and she said yes.
She said Daddy is still very sick and confused and he doesn’t understand where he is or why he is so hurt. She says she is sure that Daddy didn’t mean any of the hurtful things he was saying, because his mind isn’t there and when he gets better, everything will be fine. He isn’t happy with her now because she is touching him in ways that he is uncomfortable with, but she says she will never hurt Daddy because she loves him very much and she would never do anything to deliberately make him uncomfortable. She is just doing those things right now because he is very sick.
We ate together and then Daddy woke up. He seemed really hungry, so Lin gave him some food. He couldn’t move, so she had to spoon-feed him. At first, he seemed really uncomfortable, but once he saw me, he calmed down. I told him that he was very sick and I had tried to take care of him, but I couldn’t, so I got Lin to help me. I tried to apologize to him for not taking care of him better, but I started crying and he got really upset. He told me that I shouldn’t worry and that he would try to get better for me. Then he thanked Lin and ate the food.
Lin thanked me for talking to him after he fell asleep. She said that she might need me a little so that I could help Daddy be more comfortable. I will do it. I hope Daddy gets better soon!
~
Dear Diary,
Daddy and Lin have been talking most of the day. I can hear the rumblings of their voice from beneath the door. Iluve and I tried to listen in, but we couldn’t hear what they said. Iluve said she thought she heard my name mentioned several times, but she’s not sure how. I hope she is wrong. I don’t think they would be saying nice things about me.
~
Dear Diary,
Lin hired a doctor to look at Daddy, but the doctor wasn’t very good. He stuck a lot of pins in Daddy and said that Daddy’s right side was paralyzed and there was nothing he could do. I don’t know what that word means, but Lin and Daddy seem very upset. Right now, they are talking in their room together.
Iluve has a small book collection, so I read through one storybook. It said that it had the true story of the bastard princess, so I went to that story and read through it, but it is nothing like the story that Daddy told. It goes like this:
Once upon a time in a faraway land, there lived a good king. Now, this king was unmarried and he desired greatly for a queen so that he could produce an heir with. He looked far and wide throughout the land for a woman worthy to be his queen, but nobody was beautiful or gracious enough for a king as manly as he was. So he despaired and set himself apart from everyone, determined not to marry anyone totally below him. So his kingdom lamented the death of his heirs and prayed to Diamea, begging for a woman worthy for their king.
Now, it happened that one day he walked through his royal woods that he saw a woman with deep curls that spun like gold so brilliant that it blinded him. He threw himself at the woman’s feet and said, “Oh woman! I tremble in your presence! Are you perhaps a White Swan in human form, come to terrorize me, or are you a woman, mortal and dying, who would melt in my arms and become my flesh?”
The woman, who was just as impressed with the king’s appearance, prostrated herself as well to the king and said, “Oh, my lord! If only I could die in your arms right now, so I could feel your strength inside me as you raise me back from death to life, as I know you are capable of doing! But no, you must be a Swan – Black as death – who comes to swallow my soul and destroy my body. And I shall deserve it, for I feel myself yielding to your soft breath at the nape of my neck and feel your honeyed words drip into my ears. Then do what as I say! Take me quickly and forcefully – let not your wrath be spared on so undeserving a servant. For my body is eager to be destroyed by you as you take away my very soul, which I forfeit to you now, with my life, as I am no longer willing to live without you.”
The king, pleased by this speech, said, “Were I a Black Swan, I would destroy you utterly – I would ravage you until your screams frightened away the very oceans that Diamea created in his love. I would do this and more and you would be in awe of me and fear me, for you would not be able to die, no, not with this everlasting torture. You would watch and tremble in my very presence. But I am not a Black Swan. I am the king of this area where you dwell, and I plan to give you the death your body deserves. I shall pierce you and you shall die in my arms, and then I shall raise you up and you shall become my queen.”
And the woman heard this and rejoiced, but her heart still doubted. She said, “Hear me, my king, I shall warn you that although I would give you possession of all that I had, there is an evil witch who has taken me in and made her my servant. She will not be happy that you would have chosen me for happiness when you have rejected her.”
The king said, “Let her be rejected: I care nothing of her. I shall send her due to free you from her servitude and should she protest, I shall kill her myself! This I swear to you, by Diamea.”
Now, the witch heard all of this and knew within her heart that her servant would become queen, and her head turned to jealousy. She said, “That man, he thinks he can frighten me! Well, I shall have my revenge! I will not accept his gifts, however I shall give his wife a curse! May she be barren, childless so that no heir will be produced. We’ll see how much this man loves his wife then! May he abandon her, as she has abandoned me, and may his kingdom see my ruin!”
So she made the queen barren and no matter how the king tried, he could not create a child with her. But still, he remained faithful to his wife, as a man should. Enraged, the witch said, “Then it must come to pass – I shall drug this man, the king. I shall drug him and assume the form of a servant girl, and he shall bear my child first and that child, that bastard child, will be the cause of downfall for all.” So she drugged the king and slept with him that night as the king, blind with the drug, pierced her again and again until she
became very pregnant.
But when dawn finally come, the king’s eyes grew clear and he realized what he had done. He cried out and groaned, tearing out his hair, and his wife, the lovely queen, raced into the bedchambers and saw the witch, she groaned too and pulled out her hair in grief.
The witched cackled maniacally and said, “So! You thought I would be appeased through gifts! You were wrong. Don’t worry, king – I have not protested. Indeed, even if I had, would you kill your firstborn that lies in my womb? You shall destroy your nation, for it has been prophesized that the firstborn should lead, no matter what. Well, she shall lead in destruction! As for your daughter that will come in your wife’s womb, may she be tormented by a Black Swan – everlasting torment for the rest of her life! May he torture her and enjoy torturing her as she writhes in pain and begs for death, but never receive that cruel mercy.”
And with that, the king said, “That is enough! Begone, you witch! A firstborn is not a firstborn until it leaves your womb, so may you die first! And he pulled out his sword and sliced off her head so that it sailed off, a fountain of blood springing forth and spraying the room with a royal red.
But out of her thighs came a little girl, well grown as the witch had been well impregnated by the king and with each thrust of his had made the child age until she was eight years old. And the king grabbed the child and said, “Begone, you bastard! You are evil and your name shall be hated for the rest of eternity! May you die in the desert, unloved and unmourned, for there is no one to love you now as your evil mother is dead with blood bursting out her neck like a glorious fountain.”
With these words, Diamea swooped down and carried off the bastard, dropping her from great height to the desert where her body crashed down on the rocks. She lived three weeks in absolute agony as angry ants swarmed her body and vultures tore out her entrails until she begged for Diamea’s mercy. But Diamea’s mercy never came. Wild dogs came at last and chewed off her face and tore off her limbs, piece by piece, and in that way she died in horrible pain as a lesson of the pain and justice deserved to all bastards, for Diamea hates them all for they came out of their mother’s thighs as a curse to their fathers.
As for the princess that was eventually born by the true couple, she grew up to be a strong and capable leader who many called their mother and who inspired many with her powers over the water nymphs.
Isn’t it a curious story? I think it will amuse Daddy greatly. When he is not busy, I will show it to him.
~
Dear Diary,
Another doctor is over here and he is looking at Daddy. Lin says that we need to be quiet, so right now Iluve is reading a book and I am writing.
I read more of the book with the bastard princess, but it is a silly book. In every story, there is an evil woman and she is known as a witch. The only reason why everything turns out badly is because of the witch, since she uses evil magic. I think it’s silly. Things don’t turn out badly because of evil witches. Things turn out badly because we are mortals and destined for pain. The reason why Granid is in prison is not because of some evil woman but because it looked like he killed a little girl. The reason why Eurodities and I got lost was not because someone clouded our vision but because we didn’t know the way. The reason why Daddy is sick is not because of evil magic but because he was tired and hungry and sad.
I don’t know why Lin has the book. She seems so nice and the book seems so mean. It’s the only storybook that she has. The other books are about running a business and how to manage money. Those are the books that Iluve reads.
I wish Lin would get better storybooks. I don’t like reading about interest fees and evil witches.
~
Dear Diary,
Another doctor is here and Lin and Daddy are in the next room. I think I shall die of boredom soon.
It is my birthday today. I am eight years old, but we don’t celebrate my birthday. Daddy and Granid don’t like my birthday, so we celebrate my birthday three months later, when I was revealed to Diamea. That is a happier day.
Usually, what we do today is we go to my mommy’s grave and we put flowers around her grave and sing songs to Diamea. The townspeople always thought it was stupid, because they said Daddy shouldn’t care about Mommy and he should just get another wife, but he said that it was important to remember the past.
I wonder if he remembers Mommy now. We can’t go to her grave because it’s so far away, and besides, it would be strange, now that I have a new mommy. I think it would be stranger if I had known my mommy before. I’ve seen pictures of her, but I never met her. Daddy says she never had a chance to hold me because he thought that I was dead and never thought of looking until Mommy died.
I wonder if Iluve remembers her daddy. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t like Daddy that much. I don’t think Granid would like Lin that much, as a mommy. When she was helping us, he ignored her. Maybe that’s why Iluve is ignoring Daddy.
Granid never liked it when I talked about Mommy to him, so I will not talk about her daddy with her, but I will ask Lin. Maybe she’ll tell me.
~
Dear Diary,
Another doctor is here. I wish they would stop coming. It’s a different one than last time. Lin said the other doctor didn’t know what to do. I don’t know why she keeps getting new doctors. Daddy is doing much better now. I think all he needs to do is rest a little.
The storybook is silly. Here is another one of the stories:
Once upon a time, there was an evil witch who wanted more than anything to be pierced by a strong man. However, because she was so evil, nobody wanted to touch her. So, she decided since no man wanted her, she would get him by force. One day, she saw a White Swan flying around. She took out her arrow and pointed it to the White Swan and shouted, “Fly away and I shall shoot!”
The White Swan, fearing that it would bleed and turn into a Black Swan, hovered over her and said, “Oh, please don’t shoot, lady! I shall do whatever you ask.”
The evil witch said, “You shall bring me a young, fine man so I may be pierced by him!”
The White Swan refused to do this, so the evil witch shot the White Swan so that the White Swan turned into a Black Swan. Then the evil witch drank the blood of the Black Swan and had complete control of him. She said to the Black Swan, “Find me a young, fine man so that I may be pierced by him!”
So, the Black Swan, trembling, went to find a young, fine man since he was possessed by the evil witch and had no free will of his own anymore. However, he realized by her wording that he could manipulate her words. So he found a young, fine man and said, “I am a Black Swan and I have been possessed so that I have no free will of my own. An evil witch has told me to find you so that she may rape you, but do not be afraid, for I have an idea. Bring a sword and pierce the evil witch and you may be free.”
The young man paid no heed to the Black Swan’s warning, so he didn’t bring a sword and simply went to bed the evil witch. However, at the start of dawn, the evil witch blinded him and cut off his manhood, cackling, and then slit his throat so that he died like a slaughtered steer. Then, the evil witch, for she had plenty of magic, swallowed his manhood and produced a child from it at that moment.
Then she brought the Black Swan out. She said, “Find me a young, fine man so that I may be pierced by him!”
So the Black Swan, trembling, went to find a young, fine man. When he found him, he said, “I am a Black Swan and I have been possessed so that I have no free will of my own. An evil witch has told me to find you so that she may rape you, but do not be afraid, for I have an idea. Bring a sword and pierce the evil witch and you may be free.”
However, the young man paid no heed and went to bed the evil witch. She ate his manhood and slit his throat and he died. Then she produced another child, for she was very magical.
Then she brought the Black Swan out. She said, “Find me a young, fine man so that I may be pierced by him!”
So the Black Swan, trembling, went to find a young, fine man. When he found him, he said, “I am a Black Swan and I have been possessed so that I have no free will of my own. An evil witch has told me to find you so that she may rape you, but do not be afraid, for I have an idea. Bring a sword and pierce the evil witch and you may be free.”
This time, the young man listened carefully to the Black Swan’s warning. He brought a sword with him and hid it on his thigh. When the witch lay down to be pierced, he brought forth his sword and pierced her between the thighs. She gasped and writhed in pain, but he showed her no mercy and only twisted his sword into her so that the blade went through her throat. Then, when she gave her last sputtering gasp after dying a painful death, he found the other two bastard children and killed them slowly, for they deserved pain being born out of Diamea’s blessing. He took one of the bastard children’s lungs out, spreading it out over an anthill so that the ants ate his lungs till he choked and was strangled in this fashion. For the other, he burnt that bastard child alive so that the screams of the child could be heard throughout the land.
Next, he found the Black Swan. To the Black Swan, he said, “Evil Black Swan, you would have me killed just like those two innocent men you killed. Rather you should die than you being manipulated again by such an evil witch.” So he tied up the Black Swan for three feedings until the Black Swan starved to death and vanished, leaving only a pile of ropes.
And the man lived happily ever after.
Isn’t that mean? The children didn’t do anything wrong. And the Black Swan tried to help the men, so he shouldn’t have died. The evil witch was evil, but she didn’t deserve that either.
I don’t know why Lin has that book, but it really upsets me. None of these stories are nice. All the bastard children are killed brutally and they haven’t done anything wrong. It’s wrong.
I am afraid. Maybe the reason why Daddy won’t tell the rest of the bastard princess story is because something awful happens to her. I don’t think that there are witches, because there aren’t such things as evil witches, but nobody seems to like the bastard children.
~
Dear Diary,
I found out why Lin had the book! Iluve is a bastard child! I was talking with Iluve about the storybook and how upset I was about the stories, and she said that someone had given that book to her as a gift, since she was a bastard. Lin wanted to get rid of the book, but the woman who gave it to her was the matron, so she couldn’t.
I don’t know why the matron would give Iluve such a nasty book. I think it would be better to give her a book about bastard children who have done something really nice. That way, being a bastard wouldn’t seem that bad.
I told Iluve that the bastard princess story was all wrong. I told her it, but I wasn’t as good as Daddy. Iluve seemed really impressed by the story and she asked me what happened next, but I didn’t know. She had said that she had never heard that version, but she said she liked it very much and she liked how the mommy of the bastard child wasn’t evil.
I asked her if she had ever met her daddy, and she said that she hadn’t, nor did she ever want to. She said that she didn’t like any man because they never liked her and they just wanted to marry Lin for her money. She said that the last man Lin had almost married beat her so badly that Lin had to carry her to the doctor. But, the doctors wouldn’t help her because she was a bastard child. Then she showed me the scars. They are very big.
I feel really bad. No wonder she doesn’t like Daddy! I told her that Daddy was much different, but I don’t think she believed me. I wished she would. Daddy is so much nicer than those men! He’s never hurt me, ever.
I told Iluve this, but she said it didn’t matter anyway because Daddy couldn’t move anyway. I told her that when he can move again, he would be very nice with her, but I don’t think she believed me.
~
Dear Diary,
Today, something interesting happened! While another doctor was seeing Daddy, a little girl knocked on the door. She was my age, but she looked really thin and tired. She said she had come here to see Daddy and she seemed really nervous.
I told her that Daddy was very sick, but he would be better soon. She seemed really sad and she started to leave, but Iluve stopped her and offered her some food. The little girl said no and wouldn’t eat, so Iluve put a fresh baked loaf of bread in her hands and gave it to her. She said she didn’t want to be a nuisance and didn’t want to take anything from us, but Iluve insisted that she take some. So the little girl ate it, but then she fell asleep!
Iluve said she put some of Daddy’s sleeping medications on the bread because the little girl seemed so tired and scared and sick that Iluve said something was wrong. She asked me if I knew the girl, but I said I didn’t know.
I don’t know the little girl or how she knows Daddy, but I hope she’s all right! Right now, she is asleep in my blankets. Iluve says she won’t wake up until morning, so I will sleep with her tonight.
I am afraid that the little girl knows Daddy through Granid’s trial. I hope Granid didn’t hurt her too! She seems so lost and scared. I hope Daddy can help her when he gets better!
(I seriously love this story! It's so unique and really interesting. Though it's a but graphic for a little girl, it's still very interesting)
