Swan Song (6)

Dear Diary,

I’m sorry that I haven’t been writing. I haven’t been feeling well. Daddy’s been taking care of me, but he’s gone now. He says he’s looking for work. We don’t have any money because he spent it all on the trial and everything else was burnt. The Black Swan gave us what he had, but it isn’t much. The Black Swan will stay with us until he gets better, so that way we can stay in the inn. Right now, he is sleeping next to me.

My head really hurts so I am going back asleep.

~

Dear Diary,

Daddy is having trouble with finding work. They either said he’s too old or they seem interested until he says his name and then they reject him. He said that it’s because they think Granid is a Conqueror. I don’t know why Granid being a Conqueror would mean anything, because Daddy is very nice. I think if they got to know him, they would like him very much.

We don’t have any money anymore, so the Black Swan has to find food for us, since the merchants give him food for free. But the Black Swan is very hurt, so he cannot move much.

Daddy says I am still very sick, so he doesn’t want me to do much at all. I don’t feel well, but I don’t want to stay anymore in this inn room.

~

Dear Diary,

Daddy says that Conquerors have a bloodline and they pass on their blood and create more Conquerors. That’s why they think that Daddy is bad. Daddy says that Granid and I do not have Conqueror blood, but because of what happened to the little girl, he says that they think Granid is a Conqueror, since Conquerors are also known as Dark Potentials. He said that what happened to the little girl is something that the Conquerors would do.

I asked him if the Dark Potentials mentioned in the bastard princess story were the Conquerors, and he said yes. He said that the true princess did not want to run the kingdom, so she handed it to the Conquerors, because they seemed nice at the time and they offered her a gift that she really wanted. He said that later she realized that she made a mistake, but by then it was too late.

I asked Daddy whether he thinks Granid is a Dark Potential, but he said he didn’t know. He said that he doesn’t think that Granid could do such a thing, but he says he’s known little children grow up and do some horrific things before, so he says that anything is possible. He says that it is important for Granid to serve his sentence with dignity and, when he comes out, to serve Diamea diligently for the rest of his life.

I am still very sick, so Daddy is very worried for me, but the Black Swan takes care of me and he is really nice. I can now stand up with his help, so I think I am getting better.

~

Dear Diary,

The Black Swan might have to leave soon. Daddy says it’s very dangerous for the Black Swan to be with them for long because the Black Swan has enemies who will try to attack us. He says one enemy is in the city now and if he knows that the Black Swan is here, he will hurt us all really badly and the Black Swan won’t be able to help us.

I don’t want the Black Swan to leave. Everybody seems to be leaving all at once, and I don’t like it. First it was Granid, then it was Eurodities and Archondid, and now it’s the Black Swan. I don’t want to be alone in this smelly inn room. I hate it. The Black Swan is the only one who makes it better because he takes care of me and, even if he can’t speak, he’s still really nice and knows how to take care of me. If he goes, I will be alone for the whole day while Daddy is looking for work.

Things are changing too quickly, and I don’t want them to change at all. Daddy says that we must be brave and patient, but I am tired of being brave and patient. I want things to be better, but things just keep getting worse and worse.

~

Dear Diary,

I tried to make Daddy stay home today because I didn’t feel very well, but he left anyway. He said that sometimes, things seem hopeless, but we shouldn’t despair because Diamea hears us always and whatever sufferings we feel, Diamea will help us through them if we call upon him.

I am feeling better. I can walk around the room if move very slowly, but I still get very dizzy. Daddy says that I am very tired and sad, so that’s why I feel the way I do. He says that I will get better soon and soon I’ll be running around in no time. I hope he’s right. I am very bored lying down.

The Black Swan will probably leave tomorrow, when there is a Feeding. Daddy seemed really upset about it, but he says it’s for the best. I don’t think he’s right.

~

Dear Diary,

The Black Swan left last night and I miss him terribly. He made the bed so nice and warm, but now that he’s gone, everything seems very cold. He was such a friendly, quiet presence and now that he’s gone, the world seems darker.

The neighbors downstairs are being really loud and they are shouting at each other about who should take care of the screaming baby. I wish they would stop. Daddy never had anybody else to take care of me when I was little, so he had to take care of me all by himself. I wish they could see how nice it is to have someone else help too.

~

Dear Diary,

The innkeeper asked us to leave, so we left. Daddy earned a little bit of money, so we’re in another inn, but there are bugs crawling in the bed, so I don’t want to sleep. I am very hungry. We didn’t have enough money for food, so we couldn’t eat.

The Black Swan isn’t with us anymore. Daddy says that the Black Swan probably prevented him from getting jobs. But at least he gave us food.

~

Dear Diary,

Daddy says that ink is too expensive, so I should only write what is important until we get more settled in.

~

Dear Diary,

I met with Lin today, and she bought me more ink, so I am writing with that. She owns a flower shop and it is the loveliest shop around! I know why Daddy hired her to organize his shop. It is beautiful.

We had lunch together and all the food was really good and I ate a lot of it. When I grow up, I’m going to eat lots of food! I didn’t meet her daughter, but she said that maybe I could meet her soon. She seemed worried about me. She said I looked very sick, but I told her that I was getting better.

She gave me a lot of food to bring to Daddy and told me that if I needed anything, all I had to do was go to the flower shop. She is very nice!

I feel really sick. I think I ate too much food there. I won’t eat that much anymore.

~

Dear Diary,

I visited with Lin today, but Daddy forgot to pick me up in time, so Lin left a note for Daddy and she brought me to her home. It is very small. It is as big as my parlor back home, but the kitchen and the bedroom are combined into one. There is also only one bed, and it is very small. I don’t know how we will sleep on it. Daddy, the Black Swan, and I shared a bed, but it was a very big bed and this is very small.

Lin introduced me to her daughter. Her name is Iluve and she is thirteen. She’s really old! I said hello, but she didn’t seem notice and she just continued reading her book. She is very quiet.

Before we had dinner, there was a big whistle and we all had to go to this big meeting room. A bunch of ladies and their children were there, but there were no daddies. We were all forced to kneel and then this big old woman got in front and started talking about the curse of Diamea being put on them and the shame they must all have to carry because of the evil they had all committed. Lin seemed quite embarrassed, but she stayed for the entire time. I don’t know why. It was very nasty. Afterwards, my knees hurt really badly and Lin had to carry me back. Iluve seemed really angry too, but she didn’t say anything. I think she may be mute.

Lin said she was really sorry that I had to be there and she promised that I would be with Daddy soon and that he would take care of me better.

I miss Daddy, but dinner was nice. It was stew and it had been simmering for hours. When she finally served the dishes, I had two really big bowls. She said that she would pack some soup for me and my daddy so we would have food to eat. She is really nice.

It is bedtime now, so goodnight, Diary!

~

Dear Diary,

Daddy was very happy to see me! He gave me a big hug and told me he was sorry that he was late. He found a one-day job, but it took a really long time and the boss locked the doors and wouldn’t let anybody in unless they finished. He said that by the time he finished, it was almost dawn. He promised he would never pick a job that long and we spent the day together. It was a very good day! I hope we can spend more days together like this.

~

Dear Diary,

Daddy found a job for me, and it is really nice. I am a servant of a tailor. At first, I was worried because I don’t know sewing that well, but he seems really nice and he says he is sure he can teach me everything I need to know. His name is Hoas, and he says I can call him that. It’s a strange name, don’t you think? Daddy says I shouldn’t make fun of it, but it’s awfully tempting.

~

Dear Diary,

Daddy found a job, so we can now have two meals a day instead of just one! The tailor also feeds me, so I’ll get really fat in no time!

Hoas is really nice too. He heard that most of my clothes were burnt in the fire, so he offered to make me some nice clothes. I was afraid that he would charge a lot, so I said no, but he said that he would give me the clothes for free. Isn’t that nice?

I think things will get a lot better!

~

Dear Diary,

Hoas is very detailed. Normally when Daddy buys clothes for me, he just measures my height and shoulder size and he buys clothes that fit that. Hoas was very detailed. He made me take off all my clothes and then he started putting his hands around my arms and legs so that he would see my appropriate size. He doesn’t use a measuring tape either, so when he measured my shoulders and waist, he just used his hands. I asked him why he was doing it, but he said it was a trade secret and I shouldn’t worry about it.

I feel bad because I am supposed to be his servant and yet I don’t know the trade at all. I hope I’ll learn it soon!

~

Dear Diary,

Hoas said that I shouldn’t talk to Daddy about any of what happens at his shop because it’s full of trade secrets and he doesn’t want Daddy to know any of it. He made me promise that I wouldn’t reveal this to anyone. I think it is silly, but I agreed anyway since he seemed so serious. I don’t think that it is any secret how to use a needle and a thread. The only thing that is really different is how he measures, but I don’t understand that anyway.

I don’t think his way of measuring is very useful. He needed to take more measurements today, so I had to take off all my clothes again, and then he took hours. I asked why he didn’t just write my measurements down because I was getting cold, but he only laughed.

I don’t think he’s a very good tailor, but he gives Daddy money, so that is good.

~

Dear Diary,

Daddy looks really tired all the time and he doesn’t tell stories anymore. I wish he did. Things would be so much happier if he did. I miss Granid a lot. Even though he was mean, at least everything was happier then. People treat us a lot differently when Granid is not with us. With Granid, people would be happy for us. Now that Granid is gone, people don’t talk to us very much.

I hope Granid is having a nice time in prison. I asked Daddy what prison was like, but that only made him very sad, so I gave him a big kiss and told him that I loved him and I would be his little girl forever. He said that he didn’t want me to stay a little girl forever. He said he wanted to see me grow up and become a successful, happy woman. I think that is very nice of him.

He keeps trying to see Lin, but she keeps avoiding us. I think she is frustrating Daddy. He keeps trying to take her out for dinner and to meet with her daughter, but she only seems interested in meeting up at her shop when she is at work. I don’t know why she is avoiding us.

I think it must be because Granid is a Conqueror, but if that is true, then why is she so nice to me? Maybe little girls are never Conquerors. Maybe only men are Conquerors. I will ask Daddy this. Maybe he’ll be able to help me.

Lin told me that I should go to her shop whenever we need something, so I think I will go to her shop and tell her that I miss her very much and I would like to see her again.

~

Dear Diary,

I saw Lin today! She said that she couldn’t see Daddy very much because, in order to see him she would have to have approval from her matron, and she didn’t have that. She said that she’s only allowed to go out for her store and then she has to come back and tend to her daughter. She is not allowed out anywhere except with permission. She told me to tell Daddy she was very sorry about this, but if he wanted to meet up with her, he would have to respect these limitations and work with them.

I don’t know what a matron is. I will ask Daddy later.

~

Dear Diary,

I told Daddy of what Lin said and asked him what a matron was. He said that matrons were women who took care of widows, especially widows with children. He said that the matrons were supposed to monitor their behaviors according to the law of Diamea, and that was probably why she was so hesitant to meet with him. He said he would contact the matron so he could talk with Lin, since he missed her.

The matrons must have been those old women who talked to Lin that one night. I don’t think they’re very nice. I warned Daddy, but he told me not to worry about them.

~

Dear Diary,

Today, Hoas tried to teach me how to measure, but I wasn’t very good at it. He took off all his clothes and made me measure him, but my hands were too small and I think I hurt him. He was moaning and twitching, but he told me not to stop. I feel really bad. Then, he stopped me and tried to demonstrate on me how to do it correctly, but when I tried it on him, I wasn’t very good at it and he kept gasping. He said I wasn’t that bad, and that I just needed more training, but I don’t feel like I’m very good at it all. I think he is being nicer to me than he should because he knows I have nothing.

I am going to tell Daddy that I am not good at being a tailor’s servant and he should find another job for me. I know we won’t have that much money, but at least I won’t have to hurt Hoas.

~

Dear Diary,

I told Daddy that I wasn’t a good tailor and I wanted to give up, but he said that I shouldn’t give up that easily and he told me that I should try harder. He said that he would be willing to practice with me, if I needed any additional. I don’t want to hurt him, especially since he looks so tired. So I told him that I didn’t want to bother him. Then he suggested that I should ask Lin.

I think this is a wonderful idea. Lin said she made her own clothes and she is very pretty, so she must be very good with it. I know Hoas said I shouldn’t tell anybody about the trade secrets, but I am sure she will not tell since she is not a tailor. I will ask her tomorrow!

Wow, Snoink. You don't hold back, do you? That whole tailor business is...disturbing and, well, horrible. I hope Lin does something about that and the tailor gets what's coming to him. Reading it just makes me feel wrong, but I have to hand it to you that you've handled this subject very well. Giving us enough to realise just what is actually going on, but saving us from the graphics. Yeah, I really hope that this character gets what he deserves (Solea's dad going after him with a machette).

Oh, and I'm sorry I haven't been on YWS to continue reviewing. I was so happy when I saw that there were more chapters for me to read, so I've just sort of...read them in one go... ... (: I love the way this is developing (apart from the abuse mentioned above which is unsettling, but it's good to know that it was so well written and we love Solea so much that it can invoke such a strong reaction) and that she is reunited with her daddy. I'm still not 100% sure what happened to Eurodities and why she left Solea, and where she is now...but I might have just missed that. And I have to agree with an earlier reviewer (I'm so sorry, I've forgotten the name!) that maybe some dates (even something as simple as Tuesday or First Sun of the Week) might make this feel less confusing. Although I do appreciate:

Chapter 4 wrote:I am sorry for not writing to you for a couple of days.

There was a part where she was thinking of cooking and making a fire etc, where I wondered at her age again. So she's mentally not old enough to be suspicious of Hoas' abuse, but can think practically of all these things? I don't think even I would be able to make a fire from scratch. :/

I loved the description of the necklace, I might just throw this in the review... ;D It sounded lovely and will it be important later..? Will Granid recognise her from it or will it remind her of Granid and everything? I keep imaging her older, looking over her diary. I think she'd be disgusted at the Hoas part. ...I'm sorry I keep mentioning this over and over, but Solea is the same age as my niece and it's sickening that there actually are people out there like that. Makes me want to go hunt him down and feed him to the hippos.

Will we see more from the Black Swan? I'm sad he had to go. Even though he said nothing he a good character, and it was interesting to see Solea's absolute terror and then have her slowly trusting him. I thought it was quite cute that she kept comparing him to her daddy, as well. She loves her daddy very much. (:

That's all I've got to say... Again, sorry for not being on YWS, but I'm glad I had loads to read, and gutted that I read through them so quickly. ): PM me when you post more...?

~Emma

Hiya! I loved this chapter. I'm curious as to how far Hoas will go, but would still rather enjoy shoving his head in a blender on max pulse. I hope he doesn't hurt Solea (though it would fare well to your story if he did due to the trauma someone like him could cause). I also have a similar issue as last time I reviewed a chapter of this. Repitition, m'dear. It quite irks me. Pet peeve. xD

Snoink wrote:Hoas is very detailed. Normally when Daddy buys clothes for me, he just measures my height and shoulder size and he buys clothes that fit that. Hoas was very detailed.

Wow, Snoink. You don't hold back, do you?

Eek, not really. I should probably warn you now that there are some really squeamish parts coming up eventually. Not immediately, I think, but they will be coming up later. They'll be handled similarly to this though, I think.

I can walk around the room if move very slowly

*If I move very slowly.

but at least I won’t have to hurt Hoas.

I hate this guy! And hate her reaction to him and that she thinks she's hurting him. D:
It's so terrible! D8

Again, your chapter is great but I did feel like it a bit dragging on and on with their poverty situation a bit. Maybe that was just me though. Also, her father never thanked the black swan for bringing his daughter all the way back! I mean, she was starving and left alone in the forest for days I think the bird deserves a little bit of thank you, no? :3
And what about Eurodities? She flew away and NEVER came back? Did she die? D:

One thing that I want to compliment you on is how you make the child so right in her opinions. I'll talk about the crying child and the parents fighting over who should take care of him. I mean, there are times when adults or people in general don't appreciate the things they have and Solea sees that. I like it when she gives her opinions out like that and sometimes even makes me feel like I'm taking lessons from her. lol

And dear me! She's exposed to SO much cruelty! This man, Hoas is ugggh. *insert hate here*.
The poor girl, I really do think you're a bit evil, Snoink! xD
However, it's interesting to see the child's pov in all this and what she thinks is going and rather than what is really going on. I'm glad she's going to get help from Lin, hopefully things will get better. I don't like the suffering. ;__;

Overall, it was a great chapter of entries - again.
However, I don't see much of herself getting more mature. She still seems like a little girl.
There are just fragments of parts where she seems like she's growing up and understanding things but they're quite brief. Anyway, it was good. I'm on to the next!

-Pink

Oh gosh, Snoink. You have absolutely no trouble with disturbing stuff, do ya? Hahaha man. Reading about that tailor was extremely awkward. Every single time you mentioned something about "measuring" and "Hoas" my head kept screaming "Pedophile! Pedophile! Pedophile, pedophile, pe-do-phi-le!!" it was really awkward >.<

Gosh, I feel SO bad for this little girl! First she keeps being called "cursed". Then she catches her brother doing the nasty (even though she doesn't realize it) and then her brother hits her, then she catches him AGAIN! And then he runs away. Then her father leaves and then her house burns down. And after that her temporary guardian leaves her all alone in the woods. Then she gets chased all around by wolves! On top of that, she sees rotting dead bodied and gets terrified by a Black Swan. After that she gets seriously ill, and she feels bad because she thinks she's hurting the Black Swan. She finds out the black swan is melting (?) and freaks out. She also finds out that her brother was found guilty and she can't see him for five years!! And now, on top of all of that, you're saying that she gets sexually harassed by some creepy old pedophile?! (Am I the only one who realizes that this pedo's name is either "Hoe Ass" or "Whores" in a weird accent? It's kinda freaky)

Oh gosh. You really hate this little girl, don'tcha? Lol

I'm glad that she's going to tell someone! Even though she doesn't realize it, this Hoas guy is a creeper and a child molester! I hope she tells and the Lin will tell her dad and then her dad will tell the cops and then Hoas will go to jail!! Or... Or... DIE OR SOMETHING!! He's seriously freaking me out with his moaning and groaning crap >.< creeper~~

Oh yeah, and what happened to Eurodities? Did the white swan kill her? Or did she just go back to whatever she was doing before she was watching Solea? Because the way you said "left" made it seem like she died or something.

But anyway, this was another great *yet disturbing* chapter! I saw that you mentioned that it will get more disturbing in father chapters so I'm a bit scared O.o but.... I guess I'm too curious to let that stop me XP

Wow. Just... wow. In the best possible way.

I don’t know why she is avoiding us.

Again with the heavy-handed hint dropping. I mean, yes, she can talk about the fact that Lin is keeping away from them, but Solea is such a trusting little girl, I can't see her jumping right to the conclusion that they're being avoided. She really likes Lin from what I can tell. Maybe instead she would justify it with Lin being busy perhaps? We get that Lin is avoiding them and in an entry or two, we find out why, but to have that line there just makes it a bit much.

I hope Granid is having a nice time in prison.

Meh. This, on the other hand, felt too trusting. I mean, she had a foreboding feeling about Granid staying in prison before and I imagine that she knows it is a punishment. Maybe not that she knows what it all entails, but punishments aren't supposed to be "nice". Maybe she hopes he is doing all right, rather than "having a nice time"?

Hoas. *shudder* See, this manages to be incredibly disturbing without being overly graphic. I'm not telling you to shy away from uncomfortable subjects, or to lessen the impact, but the way it is presented here is so downplayed that it actually jumps far more to the reader's attention and sympathies than if it had been really explicitly graphic. It works here so well.

Also, yay for sneaky info-dumps that manage to avoid sounding like info-dumps! The entry about the Conquerers was nothing but exposition, but it managed to sound just like all the other entries and to blend it just fine. I bow before you and your masterful ways.

Great stuff. Really. Really great stuff.

~GryphonFledgling

Hi,

........OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS!!!! THAT WAS DISTURBING!! I'm like, "Sweetie, you are not hurting him. You are giving him sexual pleasure." Haha. I'm like, oh god. I put discriptive stuff when I have people being tortured but sexually? Not as much. I think you did an amazing job. You could of actually put more detail into it. Uhm, grammar is key! I absolutely loved when she wrote that she thought Lin's daughter was mute. Haha. I laughed. Good job! This needs to be edited a little.

Farewell,
A.