Dear Diary,
It is really pretty right now! The Black Swan and I are in the forest and it’s really bright and pretty. There are birds singing. At first, they didn’t sing because they knew the Black Swan was there, but when the Black Swan stretched out and lay on the grass, they started singing because they knew that they were safe.
We are by a creek and it sounds nice. It is delicious too. I was about to drink from it, but the Black Swan stopped me and he pulled out a White Swan feather. Then, he put the White Swan feather in and pointed to the water. The water was so nice! When I drank it, it was so fresh and it made me feel awake and strong. Then the Black Swan tugged at my clothes, so I took them off and I bathed in the creek. I thought it was going to be cold, but it was warm and the water healed a lot of hurts on me. I feel very strong and I didn’t feel hungry or sick at all. The Black Swan seemed really happy too. I think he is happy that I am feeling better.
We walked all night last night, and I think we walked very far. I couldn’t see anything, but the Black Swan did, so he tied a string on his neck and had me hold on to it. He walked really slowly, but I think it’s because he wants to make sure I am all right. I have been very sick lately, and he really cares for me. I wish I knew his name!
He just made me a bed of really soft grass and he’s pointing to it, so I think he wants me to sleep. It seems strange sleeping in the day. Daddy would never approve. But at least the Black Swan is nice. I will write again soon!
~
Dear Diary,
We are still walking to the city. I asked the Black Swan if he was taking me to Daddy, and he nodded, so I think we should be there very soon. I can’t wait!
The Black Swan is gone now, but before he left, he put his blood on my forehead. I feel bad because he hurt himself for me, but I think his blood should keep away any bad animals. I hope he doesn’t leave me like Eurodities!
I think Black Swan blood is bad. Daddy told me once that Black Swan blood is what the Conquerors used to control the original twelve. He said the Conquerors did some very bad things while controlling the Black Swans. He didn’t say what, but the priest once said that the Conquerors were the evilest creatures on this world.
Once, I asked Daddy what the Conquerors did and he wouldn’t say. When I asked him why they were evil, he said it was because they could have been very good, but they weren’t. He said that once they were Potentials, but they allowed evil to grow in their hearts and so they became Dark Potentials. I asked him why they were evil, but he wouldn’t say.
The mayor said that Granid had turned into a Dark Potential. I wonder if this means he is a Conqueror.
I hope Granid is all right. When I asked the Black Swan if he knew about Granid, he nodded. I asked him if he knew if Granid was all right and he looked at me and wouldn’t nod. I tried to ask more questions, but I don’t think he liked those questions.
I don’t think Granid is evil. He is mean, but not evil. I don’t think being mean is evil. Evil is when you do something really bad because you want to do something bad. Granid does bad things, but everybody does bad things. He doesn’t want to be bad on purpose.
The Black Swan is back and he has food! I’ll write later!
~
Dear Diary,
I am worried because tonight the Black Swan didn’t eat. Tonight was the Feeding when Black Swans are supposed to eat souls, but he didn’t go out and feed. He just stayed with me and we didn’t go anywhere. I heard Black Swans flying overhead and I was very scared since all the light was hidden except for the red of the Black Swans’ eyes, but he wouldn’t move from my side. I thought he might eat me, but he didn’t. He didn’t eat at all.
Daddy says that Black Swans need to eat every Feeding, or else they would disappear. He says that if a Black Swan misses three Feedings in a row, the Black Swan would disappear and never come back.
I don’t want this Black Swan to disappear. If he disappeared, I don’t know what I would do. If he didn’t come, I would have died. I was very sick and hungry and when I couldn’t move, he took care of me. I love him very much and I don’t want to hurt him anymore. I wish he would stop hurting himself for me.
He is stretched out on the grass and he looks rather dizzy. His red eyes look dull too. I think I am going to stroke his feathers and tell him that I love him and I don’t want to hurt him anymore.
I will write soon!
~
Dear Diary,
We are in the city! I thought we would be much farther away, because I was so lost, but we weren’t!
I know why the Black Swan moves so slowly now. I thought he was trying to be slow because of me, but he is very ill. I didn’t know how ill he was because he was a Black Swan and I didn’t know what an ill Black Swan looked like. He turned into a human when we got into the city, and he looks awful. I feel bad because he has done so much for me and he is so ill. His hands look like they are dripping off, like wax. His nose is melted with his lips and it he only has a small opening for his mouth. He can barely walk and his arms are deformed.
When I saw him as a human, I started crying. He seemed really upset. He tried to calm me down, but he didn’t want to touch me. I think he thought he scared me. I gave him a big hug and told him that I was sorry. He seemed really surprised, so he just nuzzled my head with his. I don’t know what I am sorry for, but I wish I could make him better.
We are in an inn right now. The Black Swan didn’t dye his eyes, so they’re still red and they look very scary. When the innkeeper saw him, he gave us a room immediately and he wouldn’t accept any money, even though the Black Swan wanted to give him some gold. The Black Swan gave me the money instead. I tried to buy some food with it, but when the merchants saw the Black Swan with me, they gave me everything I wanted for free. I think being a Black Swan must be very nice at times.
Right now, he is lying in the bed. He looks really dizzy and he can’t stop trembling. I think he is in pain. I feel awful. I tried telling him a story, but he just looks dizzy and ill, so I felt like I was bothering him. I asked him if we would see Daddy tomorrow and he nodded.
When we get to Daddy, I will see if Daddy will let him stay with us until he feels better. I think that Daddy will let him stay because Daddy is very nice.
It is nighttime now and I don’t feel sleepy at all because I’ve been awake for several nights.
I will finish the story of the bastard princess.
Now, when the drunken man said his speech, the room was quiet, for they were amazed what he had to say. Even the king was impressed by the drunken man’s speech. So the king cleared his throat. “You have spoken wisely, however you have not proven that you are the Diamea, so your words are heretical.”
The drunk man, who was really Diamea in disguise, smiled. “What would I have to do to prove that I am who I am to you? Should I tear down the sky? Should I destroy my firstborns, my sons and daughters, the wild Black Swans who plague you and tear out your souls? Should I turn your household’s ivory bricks into shining diamonds which glitter, even when there is no light? What shall I do so that you would believe?”
The king was afraid when he heard this, but he let no fear pass his eyes. He said, “I will ask nothing of the Diamea, for Diamea is the master of all, the creator of the world, and fear and respect are worthy of him. I am a king, but this means nothing to Diamea. To him, I am only a passing shadow unworthy of any notice, a mere mortal who shall die and will die soon. I have built up my glory in my house and shall follow my seers’ prophecies so that my name shall live on forever, and in this way I will become immortal, but even that is nothing in the eye of Diamea.”
Diamea said, “They will not remember your name after you are dead. Your glory shall be fleeting and you will be known as the king who led his people to destruction.”
The king’s eyes flashed and he quieted, for he was very offended by Diamea’s words. But Diamea paid him no heed. He turned to the daughters and bowed to them.
“Heed my words and listen well. You have my blessings, as much as that is worth, and my blessing will not be taken away. Peace be with you! Do not be afraid to live your lives in righteousness and truth. To you, the eldest, you have my curse. Your stepmother has cried out from the cruelty of your birth, and I have listened to her cries. You are barren and you will never conceive. Should you rise to the throne, you shall never continue it. Should you lie with a man, you shall cry out in pain, for he shall tear you apart until blood runs from your loins. Should you take your maidservant and let your king make love to the maidservant so that she conceives, she shall conceive an ass and your kingdom shall know your shame and hate you and cursed will the child be. This is what I have decreed.”
The bastard princess trembled. She said, “Oh Diamea! Do not be so cruel. Didn’t you tell your servants the seers that the firstborn shall inherit the kingdom? I am by birth the firstborn, though I am deserving of nothing for I am a bastard. I could not choose my birth – it was my disgrace that I should be born. If you are angry with me, then let it be so and I shall blind myself with the sands of the deserts and wander the plains till I should die. But do not let the kingdom fall! Have mercy on my people!”
And Diamea was touched by this. He said, “Peace be with you! Did I not tell you that you had my blessing? While barren, the naiads stretch out their hands to you and they shall love you and kiss your head so that knowledge springs forth. A seer you will be and you will know my secrets for the water nymphs shall tell you everything and you will be beloved in their eyes. Though you shall be barren, you shall have many daughters who will follow you and call you Mother, and you shall be their mother and guide them.”
Then Diamea turned to the youngest and said, “And you, my dearest, you shall have my blessing. You shall know love, deep and passionate and when your husband learns your body, you shall cry out from joy, for he shall complete you and he shall be your life, just as you shall be his. He shall give you his seed and from your loins, you shall bear great rulers and they will call you Mother. This I have decreed!”
The youngest said, “I cannot be queen. That is not my destiny.”
Diamea said, “Who are you to decide what your destiny is? Though I have given you freedom, I have not granted you independence. You are chained to this life with your fellow creatures and your freedoms shall be limited by each other’s. Thus is your blessing and thus is your curse. Only fools believe themselves totally alone.”
The king rose, deeply troubled, and said, “Enough is enough. You have insulted my family, now let us be. In your blessings, you have given us curses and in your curses you have given us eternal turmoil. Shall it please you to destroy us utterly? If you are Diamea, then your words will come true, however if you are not, then cursed you should be. You drunkard, you louse, be gone!”
Diamea said, “I have not spoken to your wife.”
“Nor shall you speak with her, you demon, for I shall not let her near you.”
But at that moment, the door opened and in came the queen, dressed in robes of purple satin. The Diamea saw her and bowed.
“You do not know me, but I have known you from birth and watched you grow up. You are proud and insolent and do not value what you should, but I have given you everything because, though you are a fool, I have loved you still. I heard you call out to me, asking me for a child. You cried and prayed, ‘Diamea! Do not let me be barren! Give me a child so that I will be pleasing to my husband’s eyes. Right now, his eyes have turned to another woman, a maidservant, and he has abandoned me. Avenge me, oh Diamea, and make my marriage holy in your eyes again! For I have been wronged and pain wells up in my breasts. My loins ache, my sight dims, and I have become wasted away. Grant me this chance, oh Diamea, and give me a child.’ Is this not true?”
The queen trembled, her knees growing weak, and she threw herself at Diamea’s feet. “My master! My creator!” she groaned, and her husband looked on with a terrible pang in his heart.
“Get up,” said Diamea. “What is that you have desired?”
And the queen shuddered, her body growing tense. She said, “Oh Diamea, you have said correctly that I am a fool. My heart is weary, for I was wronged by my husband, who abandoned me for an inferior woman of common birth. He made love to her as he should have loved me and night after night I would hear her cries coming from his bedroom as her juices flowed on my marriage bed. My heart broke and I could not bear to confront my king, my master, my husband, so night after I night, I prayed and prayed for justice to you, my creator, my first love who knows me better than I know myself, but you gave me no answer.
“I grew desperate at last and resolved to kill myself when I heard the noises from the bedroom stop and everything was quiet. For years, I was curious, but could not bear to go into the room that had given me so much pain and so little joy. Finally, years after not knowing my husband, I heard nothing but silence, so fearing my king was ill, I came to the door and knocked on it. To my surprise, the king burst out, like a sudden wind gust that lobs White Swans into cliffs and bleeds them so that their white feathers fall off and are replaced by the poisoned feathers of the Black Swans. He saw me at first, but did not recognize me since he was blinded by fury, for his mistress, my maidservant, had tricked him and had threatened to reveal the daughter before her time.
“I did not know this and I thought he was angry with me, so I bent my head down and resolved that if it was his intention to kill me, that he should break my bones and incur his wrath on me, for I was a disgrace in his sight, being barren. Then I said to him, ‘Oh King, my king, I deserve nothing and it is well that you are angry with me, for I have given you nothing but disgust, for my womb is dry and barren. So, if it pleases you, you may kill me, for I am nothing now and my disgrace has become unbearable.’
“The king heard my words and he melted and took me in his arms and made love to me there. Sweeter love had never happened and will never happen again! He took my body and melded it to his and gave me his seed while I cried for joy and our juices ran together, glistening our loins like sweet wine. I grew pregnant that day and my body swelled with child, my child, the one true princess.”
“I know all this,” Diamea said. “What do you want?”
The queen trembled more. She said, “Oh, Diamea! You have foretold that the kingdom shall dissolve into anarchy, should the firstborn not take the throne. Shall that be the case, even now? Or would you disgrace this family by allowing this bastard to ascend the throne, though she is not my child and is a thorn in my eye?”
Diamea said, “You may decide what you want. I shall not rule your kingdom.”
The queen said, “That may be so, but I would want your advice, my creator, my master, my love. For I am in pain and my eyes are clouded, just as the eyes cloud over in old age when bodies disintegrate. I am a mortal and foolish. Give me guidance. Which daughter should ascend the throne?”
And Diamea looked sadly at both daughters. “It doesn’t matter. The end is near and no one can save it. The Dark Potential is rising up fast and I hear my firstborns’ cries already, coming to haunt me as I prepare for my own doom. Time, my mistress, spins her web quickly and she will come like an arrow made with White Swan feathers. She will curse you, youngest, for your offenses, and bless you, eldest, for your crimes. And you both shall suffer her wrath, which is as merciless as the pounding sea, and you will beg for death at the end.”
The queen heard this and her pulse raced while the princesses stared at each other in horror. The bastard princess was the first to speak:
“Surely you cannot mean this?” she said. “If we are free, as you say we are, then how can we be condemned to suicide? We shall never choose death when life stretches forth before us. Though life has its torrents, nothing is impossible, for Diamea is always at our sides.”
“And if Diamea is dead?”
The king was amazed at this and said, “You traitor! You blasphemer! You have blessed them with your curses and then condemned them to suicide?”
“Not suicide, but murder,” the Diamea said. “The eldest one shall kill her sister and destroy her kingdom. Thus, it shall be saved from anarchy.”
And the sisters looked at each other, amazed. The eldest, upset, said, “I shall never kill my sister! She is too dear to me. And why should I destroy my kingdom instead of helping restore it into its former glory? I am not afraid to work. And my sister, who is dear to me, shall in her love create generations of rulers to come.”
The Diamea shook his head. “Then let it be so. If it comes to pass, my heart will soar. Now I must go and prepare to meet my doom.” And with that, his human form shattered with a thousand diamonds and the diamond swan burst forth, his royal purple eyes flashing, and he flew away, leaving the royal family trembling in his wake.
For a minute, all the family could do was to stare at the diamonds and watch the rainbows it threw on the wall as it sparkled in early day. The king turned to his eldest and said, “I raised you up to rule my kingdom, not kill my family. Now be gone from my sight! Leave here today and I shall be merciful, but if I find you tomorrow or any day after that, I shall have you killed. Your throat shall be slit like a cow, your limbs shall be torn from your body, and your body shall be thrown into the fire as you lay gasping your last. You are no daughter of mine and you will not ascend the throne – not with Diamea’s curse hanging around your neck like a noose ready to kill. So go, before I change my mind!”
“But I have nowhere to go,” the bastard princess said. “Not unless I go to the desert, where I will surely die.”
“Then die honorably in the desert and leave us in peace. You will not find it here.”
So the king disowned the princess and left. The bastard princess, afraid, ran into the desert and prepared to die.
That is the end of the story that Daddy told me. Daddy says there is more, but he doesn’t like telling it. I asked him once whether the bastard killed her sister, but he didn’t say anything. He just looked really, really sad. Maybe he’ll tell me it when I get older.
The Black Swan is motioning me to go to bed, so I will go to bed with him. Goodnight, Diary!
~
Dear Diary,
Daddy is here! When he saw me, he gave me a really big hug and a big kiss and he told me that he loved me. I have missed him a lot! He looks very tired, but very happy to see me as well. He said that Eurodities came here to collect food and tell him what had happened in the town, but he says that a White Swan found her and collected the souls she had eaten. He said he was really sorry what had happened to me and he promised to take care of me from now on.
He is staying in the inn with the Black Swan and I. The Black Swan is very tired, so he didn’t move at all this morning. I think he is feeling better now though. Daddy is kissing him on the bed and he looks very happy.
I asked Daddy how Granid was doing, and Daddy said that Granid was not very happy. He said that they were finishing up the court trial. Granid didn’t have enough evidence to prove that he was innocent, so he will go to prison. Daddy says that because he is not an adult, they will put him in prison for only five years. I told Daddy that five years was a long time. He kissed me and told me not to worry.
In five years, I will be almost thirteen. I will be old enough to marry. I think it would be strange seeing Granid after so long. He will be twenty. Temas is twenty-three, and he seems ancient. I wonder what Granid will be like.
I asked Daddy whether I could see Granid, and he promised he would take me to see him tomorrow. He said that Granid looks very ill, so I shouldn’t be surprised. He says that I should be calm and patient and not harass Granid at all because he is very upset. I told him that I wouldn’t and said that I had learned a lot in the forest and I would never be mad at Granid again because I had learned so much. He gave me a big kiss and told me that he was so proud of me.
Daddy is asleep now and the Black Swan is gesturing for me to join them. I don’t know how I can fit on the bed, but I’ll try. I won’t be cold tonight!
I hope I get my own bed soon. The bed here is lumpy and it smells like feet. It is all right because I am with the Black Swan and now Daddy, but I like being in my own bed.
Tomorrow’s going to be a busy day. I hope Granid is all right!
~
Dear Diary,
I saw Granid today. He doesn’t look well at all. He is very thin and sick looking.
When he saw me, he seemed very happy to see me. He tried to hug me, but he was behind bars and he couldn’t fit his arms through the bars, so they got stuck. Then the guard saw him and yelled at him. I asked the guard nicely if he could free Granid so I could hug him. He said it wasn’t allowed, but he said I could hold his hand. So I stuck my hand through the bars and he held my hand and kissed it a lot.
He asked me how I was doing, so I told him about what had happened. It was strange. He listened without interruption, except when he asked questions. He asked a lot of questions. He seemed really sad that I was in the forest for so long.
I asked him what had happened, but he didn’t want to talk about it, so he started joking with me. Then I told him funny stories and then we spent the rest of the day laughing. Daddy went out at lunchtime and brought us back some food, so we ate that and talked and it was really fun.
After a couple of hours, the guard said we had to leave, so we said goodbye. Then Granid got really upset. He said goodbye and started crying. He tried to hug me again, but he couldn’t, so I slipped my arms through the bars, since my arms are smaller, and gave him a big hug. He told me he loved me.
When he did, he put something in my pocket. I felt that it was heavy, but I didn’t say anything because I felt that it was secret. I wish I didn’t look. It’s Mommy’s necklace that she gave to him when she died. It’s made out of black and white opal, shaped like Swans. The White Swan has a blue sapphire eye and the Black Swan has a ruby eye. In the middle is a sparkling diamond. It is beautiful. Granid has always worn it and he wouldn’t let me even look at it, though I always begged him.
I am very scared. Something must be very wrong. He would never give me something like this if everything was all right. When we go visit him again, I will ask him why. Maybe I can give it back to him. I’m sure he’ll take it back if I ask him nicely enough.
~
Dear Diary,
Daddy says that Granid was taken to prison today. He says that prisoners aren’t allowed to see anyone from outside, so the next time I will be able to see him is in five years. I feel sick.
I almost cried and I felt so bad! I loved the jail scene when Granid saw Solea for the first time. Even though you can't really "show" instead of "tell" in this kind of format, I still could grasp the emotions behind everything that Granid did, like when he kissed her hand and tried to hug her, but couldn't. I felt to bad! :'( It seriously almost made me cry.
Good job though