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here to review, as you asked so nicely!

lele253isme wrote:Evealla Etherting This is quite a difficult name to formulate in your head which means the first two words of the book are ones that the reader has to struggle with. This may put some people off :/looked up into the eyes of the stars that shone down upon her. She took no notice of the cat that meowed at her planted feet. The tears streamed down her eyes they would either stream from her eyes or down her face. As tears form at the bottom of your eyes they cannot stream down the actual eyes!and the moon shone bright into them making her squint.

It was too much pressure, she thought to herself, no one could have done it. She averted her gaze and it met Terrow's. He smiled at her, weakly. She was greatful that he could even muster a small smile. She smiled back, faintly.You have used the sme sructure for the way she smiles and the way 'Terrow' smiles. This makes it flow a bit oddly; I would consider changing it

Terrow walked over to her and held her hand."Anyone would have done it, EveaAgain, hard to pronounce, anyone," Evealla nodded. Even though deep inside she knew that he had just made to plant a seed of no regret into her, but the seed wasn't growing, it wasn't the right season. I think I understand what you were trying to convey here, but the sentence structure meant I had to reread it again and again. I'm not sure how to alter it so it says what you want it to though, sorry!

Terrow caught her disbelief in her eyes, he sighed knowing that nothing he could do would make the regret of failing your own family.This doesn't seem like a natural end to a sentence. Maybe it should be 'reduce the regret of failing your own family. Otherwise I don't quite undersatnd

I hope this didn't seem too harsh! I think I pointed out everything, feel free to contact me if you want any help or further reviews.
~Happy writing!~

Sup? here's a small review

I'm no grammatical genius so any punctuation error corrections won't come from me. Since you asked for the truth I'll definitely give it too you.
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I Know this is just a prologue, but to be honest as a whole it seemed sort of a waste. My reasoning behind this is that nothing important really came from it. A way to fix this would be to add quite a bit more so that the basis behind the story is established or some background information. Yes, definitely some background information should come into play. Unless you prefer to be mysterious which is also sort of fine.

What I'm trying to say is that I don't mind reading anything, so this was fine for me. Any other people though or for a serious introduction would most likely want to know who the characters were and why she was crying. This sort of just plops us down into a conflict. Now this is a important. Depending on how you progress the story in chapters after this could make this prologue perfectly acceptable. If this is a case it could still be a good idea to combine a future chapter with this to increase the size.
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Now each individual sentance seemed perfectly fine to me. In fact most were really awesome and featured variety. This is definitely where you did well.

but the seed wasn't growing, it wasn't the right season.

This sentence right here was my favorite. Really great sentence right there.

Terrow caught her disbelief in her eyes,

The part in pink is something I think might sound better if you changed it to the word "the."
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Cheers,

~Day

A review it shall be!

Evealla Etherting Where did you find a name such as this? It's adorable! But, it doesn't attract much attention.looked up into the eyes of the stars that shone down upon her. A good beginning though.She took no notice of the cat that meowed at her planted feet. The tears streamed down 'from' would be a more suitable term her eyes and the moon shone bright into them, making her squint.

It was too much pressure, she thought to herself, no one could have done it. She averted her gaze and it met Terrow's. He smiled at her, weakly. She was greatful that he could even muster a small smile. She smiled back, faintly. This seems kind of awkward, kind of not. Revise it?

Terrow walked over to her and held her hand."Anyone would have done it, Evea, anyone," Evealla nodded. Even though deep inside she knew that he had just made to plant a seed of no regret into her, but the seed wasn't growing, it wasn't the right season.

Terrow caught her disbelief in her eyes, he sighed knowing that nothing he could do would reduce / take away regret of failing your own family.Akward ending. Very. But, it gives a give tone to the sadness.

This was rather short to be a prologue, so most people probably wouldn't look twice, or probably not take it seriously until they actually read it. I think it requires background support, y'know, detail! Or at least some sort of indication of the deeper side of the plot, the conflict to indicate the uprising action up ahead. Ha ha, I sound like my literacy teach, but I'm serious.

This is pretty good, and the last sentence in end it gives some sort of feel thats there more to the story, but it's not there. The 'explanation' of the problem of why she's crying.

Overall, I like it, but I'd probably would be those type of people who read, review, and never be heard of again anywhere near the story ever again. I apologize if I seemed too harsh, though.

Hope my review will help, PM me if you're bothered by anything or what not.
~ItsRainbowInked

Hey there, Lele!
I'm interested to see where you take this. I agree that you could make it a little longer and give us just slightly more information to draw our curiosity. Make your reader really care about this character and want to read more about her.

Yes, her name is extremely difficult, so it helps that you have a nickname that can help give us a clue to her full name's pronunciation.

Evealla Etherting looked up into the eyesDo stars really have eyes? of the stars that shone down upon her. She made no notice of the cat that meowed at her planted feet.I think you should discuss the cat more. Right now, it just seems out of place. Maybe she should pick the cat up, or kick it away out of her frustration with herself. The tears streemed down her eyes and the moon shone bright into them making her squint.The two ideas in this sentence don't seem to fit together. She's crying, and then the moon is in her eyes. Maybe focus on the moon. Perhaps it's reflecting off the streams of tears on her cheeks.

It was too much pressure, she thought to herself, no one could have done it. She averted her gaze and it met Terrow's. He smiled at her, weakly.No comma. She was greatfulgrateful that he could even muster a small smile. She smiled back, faintly.I agree that you shouldn't describe them in similar forms. I would say, "She returned the smile with similar strength.

Terrow walked over to her and held her hand."Anyone would have done it, Evea, anyone," There needs to be a period at the end, since "Evealla nodded" is not a dialogue tag. Evealla nodded. Even though deep inside she knew that he had just made to plant a seed of no regret into her, but the seed wasn't growing, it wasn't the right season.This whole sentence is a little confusing. You've got commas everywhere and things don't match up. I would say something along the lines of: "She knew he meant to plant a seed of self-forgiveness in her, but it wasn't growing; it wasn't the right season." You can tinker with it a little more.

Terrow caught herthe disbelief in her eyes, heand sighed, knowing that nothing he could do would make the regret of failing your own family.relieve the guilt of failing your own family

I believe that you will explain more in later chapters because prologues are usually mysterious. However, you can't be so vague that your reader loses interest. Does that make sense?
I'm excited to see where you take this. If you have any questions, PM me. Happy writing!
-Sea-