Help

What is this_____god-damned happiness_____When all I've known in life was fear,
I'm twiddling______right around my thumb?_____anger, pain, this isn't normal.
I'm afraid of_____________________________waiting too expectantly,
just to be _______________________________disappointed in a fakness.
I think I'm ______going nuts, going crazy,_____not too slowly either.
I'm going _______to begin self- hurting_______ if I don't fix this problem.


It's eating at my soul, I don't know what to do anymore.
It's so confusing me so easily, I curse my own stupidity.
Tell me the way.
Guide me, please.
It's time for me to find the light at the end of the tunnel,
God knows I need it. I want a way out of here, quickly.
Be my own Angel.
Give me some hope.
I need it right now. I'm so confused... It's eating me up.
Please, please, please. I'm going to begin to freak.


I'm going to
Die right here
I'm baffled
By God's riddles.
I need some
one to help
me out,
please.
Can you just
Help me to move on, help me to be O.K. I'll
follow you faithfully, like a loyal dog at your side.

So please show me the way, be my Angel.
I really need your help, I'll repeat it over yet again.
At least give________________me a sign you're here.
Help me out ___________Of this nightmare, Angel.
I beg, give ___________Me a flicker of hope.
Tell me that_________You're here.
Be my knight in armour.
Be my amazing king.
Be my blazing Angel.
Be my savior from Hell.
Be my loving brother.
Be my support group.
Be my caring parent.
Be my hopefulness.

Be my Angel.

Wow, wow, wow. So you were able to literally and figuratively shape this poem. It's amazing. I don't even have criticism the first time through. The line breaks are a little awkward but they work for the type of poem you're doing. Bravo.

MilkNCookies wrote:disappointed in a fakness.

fakeness?

MilkNCookies wrote:I think I'm ______going nuts, going crazy,_____not too slowly either.
I'm going _______to begin self- hurting_______ if I don't fix this problem.

going becomes redundant

MilkNCookies wrote:It's so confusing me so easily, I curse my own stupidity.

Pick a verse: It's so confusing, so easily or It's confusing me so easily.

MilkNCookies wrote:at the end of the tunnel,

End this as it's own sentence.

MilkNCookies wrote:I'm going to begin to freak.

Again, pick a verse. This is too vague. I'm going to freak out works? Or, I'm beginning to be a freak. I like the second (:

MilkNCookies wrote:I'm going to awkward line break
Die right here end it as a sentence
I'm baffled
By God's riddles.
I need someone
one to help me out
me out,
please [comma] can you
Can you just
Just help me to move on, help me to be O.K. I'll
I'll follow you faithfully, likea loyal dog at your side. metaphors work better than similes most of the time

MilkNCookies wrote:So please show me the way, be my Angel.

re-word. Be my Angel, and show me the way.

MilkNCookies wrote:Be my blazing Angel.

You end with be my angel so saying this becomes redundant. Say something else or take the line out all together.

All in all, I was completely shocked at how WONDERFUL this piece was! Thanks for sharing with me. Keep writing, you're talented.

Love,
Fixed
smt:027

Hey, FLyerS here.
This is an oddly formatted piece. I'm not sure I liked it. The sentences were awkward.
If you
make the
sentences formatted in
different lines
It
makes the
sentences seem
halting and
hesitant.
Instead of having them flow in a straight line, which makes more sense.
Also, poetry just isn't poetry unless there is some kind of rhythm.
Hope this was helpful.

I really like this poem, it is really good. Well, it is lyric poetry, but really good lyric poetry. You did a really good job shaping this poem. Do you have a name that you call this type of writing? I really like this, and I say to you keep writing. But, this one line threw me off just a tad.

I need it right now. I'm so confused... It's eating me up.
Please, please, please. I'm going to begin to freak.

But other than that it was really good. And I say to you GOOD JOB.

Okay, so I have to wonder... why is your poem shaped like a madlib? Or are those they supposed to be something else? In any case, right now it looks weird and gimmicky. So weird and gimmicky, in fact, that it's a little hard to concentrate on the actual meaning of your poem. See if you clean it up some. I mean, when you look at the actual content, it's expressing fear and confusion, and those can be powerful things, especially in poetry. But the fear and confusion is just confusion right now, with that sort of formatting.

I agree with most of what icanbefixed said. Just some repetitive wording in there.
Overall, I liked it.
Poetry, to me, is almost anything, and this is most definitely a poem.
I love love love that you shaped the words into words. That's awesome.
Thanks for the read.