Geeks

We are the ones,
you laugh at and tease.
We are the ones,
you take from as you please.


We play with our toys,
our videogames, our cards.
While you play with our hearts
always making things hard.


You see us as strange
but that's what you see.
We are not what you think,
we are not what we seem.


We cling to our life,
especially to the past.
We don't want to let go,
of what we already have.


It's one of our flaws,
though we feel just like you.
You'll just have to wait
till we grow up.


Cause then we'll take
the world by storm and
we won't be geeks anymore.



This is a work in progress, i am trying to tweek it as fast as I can!

We are the ones,
you laugh at and scorn.
We are the ones,
still playing with toys. I really don't like this line it doesn't flow well and seems akward

You see us as the geeks what makes them the geeks? what do they do that makes them this way?
but that's what you see.
We are not what you think,
we are not what we seem.

We cling to life, add our in this line, maybe?
especially to the past.
We don't want to let go,
of what we already have.What do they already have?

It's our one mistake, What mistake? if you're referencing from the last line, it's not clear
though we're really lots of fun. how are they fun?
You'll just have to wait
till we grow up. extremely abrupt wnding to the stanza add more to it or change the wording a little

Cause then we'll take
the world by storm and
we won't be geeks anymore I don't like the last stanza, it doesn't seem like the poem is finished ending it with this

sorry i forgot to put this on my last post, but i think with a little tweaking, your poem could be amazing! it seems like you're a really good writer, but you just need a little bit of help getting your idea out

Unique poem.
Straight to the point.
Expresses your point of view,
Doesn't push your opinion
Some poets do that
The only thing I would suggest is...
Why not convert this poem...

InTo A sHoRt StOrY?

Like, write about a typical geek's account on being an outcast, being laughed at. It would probably end up being short, but I think you could get your point across more effectively this way.

-Deelish, birthday girl as of today

I really like this poem. It really describes me. Because sometimes, I play with toys. *Hides blond headed Barbie behind her back*. And some people think that I am weird. keep writing. I loved it.

I liked the idea/title of the poem and that is originally why I chose to review it. However, a thorough and accurate review has been done ^^. So, I will just give you some personal tips.
I can connect with this poem a lot. However, I have a hard time with the lack of flow and rhythm. The last stanza, i was hoping atleast, should be a knockout punch to all the other stereotypical highschool jerks that judge the nerds/geeks. I was hoping it would keep the flow/rhyme, and deliver a hard hitting emotional and/or mental punch that would show that you weren't just going to lie there and take what they threw at you. That's just my opinion. I think you could improve this greatly with a little more time.
Tommybear

Firstly, what's up with your formatting? There're two spaces between some stanzas and only one between others.

This poem needs a big dose of one thing: rhythm. It seems like you whipped this up without paying any attention to the line breaks or wording.

Keep writing, anyway.

-Kafka

Hey JRaye!

One thing I would love for you to get into with more detail is what kinds of toys and games and other childish things geeks haven't really given up. I don't know... I've been reading a lot of G.K. Chesterton as of late, and he really goes into wonderful detail about that sort of thing! So I would love to see it here.

Happy editing!

Hello JRaye. When i first saw the title i was totally looking forward to it and then when i saw it i was a bit disappointed because it is a bit mysterious. There are no details even where there should have been. Now down to nitpicks.

We are the ones,
you laugh at and scorn.
We are the ones,
still playing with toys. What toys? Geeks do not play with toys. There are a lot more things.


You see us as the geeks, see us as the geeks? Does not sound good.
but that's what you see.
We are not what you think;
we are not what we seem. This total stanza was a mystery. Could not figure out a single thing here. What do they see? What do you seem? What do they think?


We cling to our life,
especially to the past.
We don't want to let go,
of what we already have.


It's our one mistake, What is the mistake?
though we're really lots of fun.
You'll just have to wait
till we grow up. Try rewording.


Cause then we'll take
the world by storm and
we won't be geeks anymore Geeks will always be geeks. A geek can never get over with being a geek. Not a good ending. There can be much more.

Why are there only three lines in the last stanza and all the rest have four lines? This is not good. Try giving your poem both flow and rhythm. Try editing this and adding more stanzas to it and it will turn out to be much more better.
Keep writing.

I love the idea that you have here, but I just don't get how this is about geeks.
It screams more of hermits or dorks to me.
Maybe you could add a little about either academic excellence of a passion for something generally thought to be geeky- like Star Trek.

I get that they are a little on the far end of the wiz- nerd-geek-dork spectrum, but let the reader KNOW who you are talking about without having to look at the title.
Other than that, nice poem.

Keep writing!
--------------------
-Jojo

Alright, i'm just putting this out there, but the punctuation and the number of lines in the stanzas... They are meant to be there!!! They are there to help emphasize certain things. Remember, just because something is differant, doesn't mean it's wrong. So once again, please refrain from commenting on those things, I know they are there.