Won't You Save Me {Prologue& Chapter 1}

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Prologue


The heroic prince swept her off her feet and they rode on his beautiful white steed into the sunset. That's how every story of a princess goes. But for me there is no "Happily ever after".



Chapter 1


I am Princess Adona. I am trapped, being held hostage by Lord Carvinan who intends on forcing me to marry him. My father and both of my brothers are fighting diligently to save me. That is the only reason that I have not been put into a hideous white gown and been forced down that dreaded aisle to have to kiss that horrible tyrant.





I sit myself down on the tough cot that they expect me to sleep in, open my small burlap sack and look at the small amout of food that has been packed for my meal. An apple, a loaf of bread, some cheese, and a turnip. I frown at the food and pick up the apple, it's soft in my hand and I can tell it's rotten, I stand up and go to the tall metal door, I look through the bars of the cell and look at the gaurd who is standing beside the door. I toss the apple in the air and catch it a couple of times before I take my aim and throw the apple at the guard's head. It explodes all over his armor. He spins around and I can clearly see that he's not very happy.






"What are you doing?" He asks bringing his eye brows together. For some reason he wasn't wearing a helment.




"I wan't food and not food that will poison me!" I glare at him and toss my golden hair behind my shoulders. He studdies me for a moment and calls over another guard, who leaves and soon comes back with a silver platter. I smile and back away from the door to let them in. The first guard walks in with the tray and I watch the other leave.



The first guard I can see now is not much older than me maybe 18 at the most. He sets the tray on the small table in my cell and walks out. I scurry over to eat and as I open the lid off the tray my nose is filled with a horrifying smell. I whip the lid off and stare in horror at the garbage that lays on the tray. A rotten banana peel, a tin can, sour milk, and a ton of rotten cabbage. I close my eyes, the smells filling the room are horrifying. I quickly slam the lid on the tray and screem as loud as I can. "This is not happening" I think,to myself, "How could this have happened?"



It was only two days ago that I celebrated my 15th birthday. That was when they took me. I had blown out the candles on my cake. everything was going the way I planned. until the lights went out. I tried to make my way twards the staires wear my body guards were watching from, but I couldn't see anything.I heard screems all around and that only mad my run faster in the stairways general direction. I soon felt a strong arm go around my waist. I tried to screem but a hand covered my mouth. I was kicking and squirming like a mad man. Then I felt a sharp pain on my temple.



I don't remember anything past that. Everything went black. When I woke up I was here lying on my stomache on this stupid cot. My back ached horribly, and my head had a horrible throbbing pain. I looked around me to see it was dark. I was still in my gown but it was tattered and dusty. I cried my self back to sleep that night.
Last edited by LoudandProud on Mon Feb 28, 2011 7:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
I don't want to gain the whole world and lose my soul.




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Hello and Welcome to YWS, LoudAndProud! I like what you have so far and I think it will become a very good book if you finish it.
When I started to read this it felt more like a first chapter then a prologue. This part:
The heroic prince swept her off her feet and they rode on his beautiful white steed into the sunset. That's how every story of a princess goes. But for me there is no "Happily ever after".

Sounded more like a small prologue and the rest seemed like it was the first chapter. That's my opinion, but either way it was an enjoyable read. I like how you protrayed the main character, Princess Adona, so far. She's a character that I can't wait to read more of. Books that I have read in this genre usually have a very annoying girl main character and I just skip forward to read my fav character. So I'm glad that so far Adona is a character that I enjoy reading. :)

Keep up the good work! :D
~DeadEnds

Btw, I love your character names. :)
"If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it." ~Toni Morrison




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Hey L&P! Stella here!

I. NITPICKS
I am Princess Adona. I am trapped, being held hostage by Lord Carvinan who intends on forcing me to marry him. My father and both of my brothers are fighting dilegently to save me. That is the only reson that I have not been put into a hideous white gown and been forced down that dreaded isle to have to kiss that horrible tirent.


diligently, reason, aisle, tyrant. Spell check is your best friend.

its soft in my hand


it's

through the apple at the guards head.


throw, guard's.

II. PROOFREAD

Proofreading is seriously important. No, really. I'm sure you hear that all the time, but it is! Spelling and grammar may be a pain, but it's something we all have to deal with. Check through every piece before you let someone read it for simple mistakes. That way, you seem so much more professional and your writing looks shinier! It's true, I tell you.

III. OVERALL

Okay, I really liked the premise of this- princess being taken hostage. But I'd love to see a little more happen in the first chapter! Maybe the guards are giving her news- maybe her captor pays her a visit? This is our very first impression of the story, make it go off with a bang!

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x
"Stella. You were in my dream the other night. And everyone called you Princess." -Lauren2010



I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
— Bilbo Baggins