Dragonmaster Prologue *REVISED* • Young Writers Society

DakotaK · 2011-02-19T02:08:05Z

Katherine screamed. Horror filled her as she stumbled to the floor, clutching at a large misshapen bundle. How? How could this be happening to her? Lightening shattered the night sky, which moments before had been clear and bright with thousands of tiny stars blinking innocently. The cloaked man neared her, his delicate face contorted in rage. “No! Kar, please don’t hurt them,” Katherine pleaded, hating her weakened body as she struggled to remain conscious. “Don’t. Ever. Call. Me. That !” the man shrieked. The woman rose wearily to her feet, shivering from exertion. “What do you mean!” she begged, a sob wracking her body. “You fool, Kat. I’m surprised you didn’t know by now,” the man sneered. Katherine’s vision blurred, she felt like vomiting. Ever since her husband had entered their modest home that night, full of an alien rage and hate, she had known. She only hoped she had been wrong. His laugh filled the room, hysterical and crazed. Pulling the heavy cloak down over his young face, his voice suddenly deepened and the evil laugh died away. He seemed taller now, somehow changed. Katherine gasped in horror as he yanked the cloak from his face, revealing a much older man than Kar. Long black hair framed his sharp-boned face with its pale blue eyes and pasty white skin. “Pretty good transformation, eh, Kat?” The man chuckled, deep and sinister. Katherine’s horror was evident in her face. “How?” she whispered, feigning fear and bewilderment. Katherine wasn’t stupid; she knew she had minutes, if not seconds to protect the two babies cradled in her arms. She knew now that the man that stood before her was Gazenlag, the most powerful wizard in the Diamond Rhombus. She cursed herself for falling for his trickery. The man’s words rushed over her, and as she had hoped, his pride took hold. He started in great detail describing his sick plan to win Katherine over. He had chosen Katherine because of how powerful a Witch she was. And in doing so, he had underestimated her. She could see it in her mind’s eye, the small rickety hut she had grown up in. She probed it with her mind. Good, the enchantments were still in place. But was her mother’s magic strong enough to hide them from Gazenlag? Katherine knew she had no other choice. Closing her eyes, Katherine gathered her magic to her, feeling the strain on her weakened body. The fact that she had to shield the presence of her magic from Gazenlag did not help the situation. As she worked the magic, she couldn’t help but wonder if her daughters would one day grow to hate her, for they would never lead normal lives, not after this. So be it. She would do everything in her power to protect them from the beast before her and the danger that would be lurking for them everywhere. Katherine could feel the newborns awaken at the powerful magic that engulfed them. They would have to leave together. If she managed to get them away but in turn died herself, they would also die, abandoned and alone in a small cabin that didn’t exist. Katherine shivered at the thought. Gazenlag paused for a moment. Something had changed. Katherine held her breath, had he noticed? The magic had slipped, just for a split second it had slipped and he had felt it. “I need a son, Kat, not two worthless daughters! Not to mention that one is a blue-blood!” he hissed savagely, nearing her. “So these creatures[i] will have to be… taken care of, so to speak.” He reached out to touch the bundle and Kat cringed away from him. “Don’t touch them!” she screamed, wishing the magic would come quicker. If only she wasn’t so weak…if only she had more time. “Fool! You know too much. There are others as blind as you, Kat. I don’t need you anymore-” Gazenlag stopped his rant as the woman before him [i]flickered[i]. It took him mere seconds to realize what was happening but by then, it was too late. Katherine vanished without so much as a whisper. Gazenlag’s scream of rage tore at the night, causing the Diamond Rhombus to shake on its axis as the whole universe trembled at the dark magic that surged through it like fire.  Storm clouds rumbled overhead as the weary grey unicorn trudged onward. The cloaked woman driving the small carriage that led the tiny caravan paused to gaze at the torrents of rain as they fell to the mud encrusted ground. A quick gust of wind blew the rain towards the woman, causing her to pull her cloak closer while whispering curses beneath her breath. Suddenly a small boy poked his head from between the tattered curtains covering the entrance into the wagons interior. He shook his damp blonde hair and peered dubiously up at the driver. “Karsh . . . when will all this end? Something isn't right and it's making me uneasy . . . my stomach hurts,” the boy complained, his pale gaze shifting to watch the blustering rain. Karshina glanced down at her brother, worry showing in her grey eyes. “I'm unsure, Tay, very unsure. This storm couldn’t be felt even minutes before it came upon us.” Tay frowned, glaring at his sister. “You're the Weather Witch, shouldn't you [i]know[i]!” he demanded testily, his raw stomach causing him to anger quickly. Karshina didn’t answer him; her attention stolen as she noticed an approaching figure in the blackness of the storm. Cautiously she drew the unicorn to a halt. “This isn't the weather, Tay, this is magic . . . evil and foul magic. I'm not sure who is causing this, but I pity the poor soul that this magic was directed at.” Karsh couldn’t help but shudder under the intensity of the backlash from the magic. “Someone is quite angry at someone else and they're letting the whole Diamond Rhombus know-” Karsh quieted as the figure on the road drew closer. The newcomer was wearing a thoroughly drenched brown cloak draped over his shoulders and his brown hair was plastered to his head. He stumbled towards them on a gnarled walking-stick, not at all befitting of his age. Wearily Karshina waited for the stranger to near their cart, frustration filling her when she heard the confused yells from the wagons behind her. The man drew to a halt as he came to stand beside the wagon’s bench. He watched Karsh for a moment, his brown gaze searching her before they turned to stare almost hungrily at Tay. “A lone traveler should not be abroad in times like these,” Karsh hissed tersely, her normal tolerance worn thin by the unease the storm had caused within her. The man bowed his head respectfully before speaking. “It was not I, Gypsy, who chose to wander about aimlessly in this magic for my own pleasure. I was sent . . . sent to you and the other gypsies to warn you.” The man’s voice was gentle and yet commanding. Karsh's brow rose slightly, she was not one to be easily bossed around. Tay on the other hand seemed undaunted as he watched the man closely. “You wouldn't happen to have any food on you by chance, now would you?” he quipped hopefully. The man smiled, laughter playing in his eyes. “Ah, a kindred spirit I see.” He seemed intrigued with the young boy and Karsh scowled wearily. “A man such as myself is always prepared. By the way, my name is Gullen.” He bowed slightly, further annoying Karsh by his formality. “If I may ask,” Gullen stated, glancing back at the waiting caravan skeptically, “would it be too much trouble if I took shelter in your wagon for a brief time so that you may journey on and not keep your caravan angrily idling?” Karsh frowned, reluctantly giving in to the travelers offer. “I suppose. Climb in,” her gaze darkened, “but you had better not be lying about this message. The gypsies don't take kindly to those sorts of rascals. You can stay until you're dry and the message is delivered, then you must leave,” Karsh spoke forcefully, conveying that she meant business, nothing more. Gullen nodded, his eyes again searching hers, making her feel uncomfortably exposed. “Thank you. You don't know how much I appreciate this.” She offered Gullen a hand and helped him to the bench. “I’m Karshina and this is Taymond, my brother.” Giving him a last warning glare, she moved to allow Gullen entrance into their small wagon. As he slid past the young witch she grabbed at his cloak angrily. “I’ll kill you if you if you so much as lay a finger on that boy, don’t think I didn’t see the way you looked at him,” she hissed savagely, her interest in receiving the message the stranger had brought and concern for her brother at war in her mind. Gullen chuckled quietly. “Peace, Karshina. I am not here to hurt your brother,” his voice was reassuring and Karsh relaxed slightly. “Though he does fascinate me,” the man added, slipping away from Karsh and into the wooden chamber behind her. Clicking her tongue, Karsh urged the grey unicorn on and the caravan began to creak forward once more. She turned swiftly and pulled the curtain aside to see Tay sitting across from the stranger, helping him strip the soggy clothes from his body. Karsh sighed and turned to face the road, allowing Gullen privacy before she learned the mysteries the man had brought to reveal. Karsh watched the sky as it writhed fitfully, storm clouds scudding across it. She was intrigued by what power this unknown person held over the universe. “It’s amazing, Ornica, just look at what this person has done!” Karsh whispered to the old unicorn, her captivated gaze lingering on the sky. “Karsh, you can join us now,” Tay's small voice summoned his sister a few minutes later and she hitched up the reins, trusting the old mare to lead them safely along for a time. She found Gullen wrapped in an old blue robe and busily towel drying his shoulder length hair. He looked up and offered a broad smile as the young woman pulled her cloak off, revealing her fine boned features and pale blonde hair. Other than being five years her brothers elder, the pair could have passed for twins. “Very well, Gullen, I can't leave the mare unguided the rest of the day. Let’s have it out so I can return to my post-” “But what about the food?” Karsh was interrupted by Tay's nagging voice as he attempted to glare at his sister. “Gullen said he had food! And I'm hungry!” he pouted sullenly. Both Gullen and Karsh shook their heads. “Your sister’s right, Tay, I'll let you eat after she hears what I've come to tell you.” Gullen spoke sternly and Tay nodded glumly. “I was sent by a certain . . . [i]discreet agency, one of which concerns . . . well the writing of prophecies-” “So they're dishonest trouble makers you mean?” Karsh demanded angrily, interrupting Gullen. “All prophecies do are steal away a normal life from someone, just because of a bunch of stupid words some nobody thought up. I don't believe in prophecy . . . and I never will,” Karsh growled lowly. Gullen looked slightly taken aback by Karsh's sudden anger and she was startled when she felt the need to explain her brash actions to the stranger. “Our parents… why do you think two kids are leading this caravan? They abandoned us years ago, when Tay was just a baby. They told me it was for our own good and that we would grow up strong. It wasn’t until years later that our Healer told me the truth… our parents abandoned us to seek after a prophecy they were certain was about them. “You had best leave- I don’t want to hear anymore.” Karsh’s voice had grown soft and her eyes distant. “I’m sorry,” Gullen offered gently before continuing on, despite Karsh’s request. “I was sent to inform you about the origin of this storm. There is a certain powerful wizard, a particularly nasty one if I do say so myself, that has been causing Schlect quite a few problems as of late. His name is Gazenlag.” Karsh glared at the man. “Yeah, the King’s Royal Magician, old news.” Gullen ignored the comment as he continued. “It is said that he is working for a dark master but I'm not sure how reliable our source is on that matter or if it is even true. It is rumored that this wizard has a dragon .” He paused when his two listeners portrayed no sign of astonishment. Karsh sniffed, obviously annoyed by the man’s determination. “Pardon our unenthusiastic reactions, Gullen , but it isn’t all that uncommon for wizards to have a Dragonstone and a Dragon to aid them in their work,” Karsh snapped, furiously pulling her hair into a knot on top of her head. Gullen raised his brow, amused by Karsh’s antics. “No, you see this man, he isn't just befriended to a Dragon, he’s bonded to one. Their souls are bound together as one. And it’s not just any dragon. It has been said that this dragon is a Western Dragon .” At last Gullen got the response he had hoped for. Both Karsh and Tay stared at him, shock filling their delicate faces as the pair shook their heads in astonishment. “That's impossible, the Dragons died out long ago. All that remains are the Wild Dragons; their smaller cousins . . . it is impossible, isn't it?” Tay asked, fascination filling his voice. “I believe these rumors to be true; that the Dragons are destined to arise once more to grace the Diamond Rhombus. I believe though, that this man, this Gazenlag , is posing a threat to their comeback. He wishes only to use these magnificent beings for his own selfishness.” Gullen's eyes shifted to Tay again. “A prophecy arose long ago; it was written by my ancestors of old. It speaks of this event, of the return of the Dragons. But it too speaks of a boy who must fight alongside the Dragons in an attempt to preserve them. This boy in essence will save the Dragonkind and become their friend . . . and their master.” “Impossible…” Tay murmured, amazement shining in his innocent eyes. Gullen smiled, obviously pleased by the boys reaction. “It is said that the boy will be born from a dragons dying wish and will wield the largest amount of power ever known to the Diamond Rhombus, for the Dragons shall bestow upon him their own magic-” Karsh scoffed in disgust but allowed Gullen to continue. “This storm that we're witnessing is no ordinary storm, I assume you both already know. It is the wrath of Gazenlag. By certain powerful Witches and Wizards that the Guild has at their disposal, I've come to learn that Gazenlag has had children born to him very recently. Something about those children, it is believed that they were twin girls, has angered the wizard greatly. It is unknown if the children or mother survived his violent act of rage.” Gullen paused, his gaze settling on Karsh. She had grown very still, her gaze distant as she mulled over his words. “And why does this concern us?” Tay asked quietly, his wide eyes staring at the man, fascination filling them. Gullen turned to Tay with an expression of awe. “I believe the children still live, and that they need to be protected from their father and in time, they are vital to the foretold returning of the Dragonkind. It is my understanding that this person the prophecy speaks of and Gazenlag’s daughters are somehow linked inseparably to the Prophecy. “I believe too, Tay, that you are the boy this prophecy has spoken of. This is your destiny, Tay, to become the Dragonmaster. I believe that you will need the guidance of both magic and sword tutors if you are to fulfill the coming times of the prophecy. You will need our help.” Tay sat open mouthed across from Gullen, staring at the man in wonderment as he shook his head in disbelief. “You're joking right?!” he asked tentatively, almost knowing it was too good to be true. “Of course he is, Tay. You’re a gypsy . Gypsies’ have never interfered in the matters of Dragons and that has been the way of life since before time. This man obviously doesn't know what he's talking about,” she growled angrily. Gullen rounded on her. “Karshina! I am a Prophecy Weaver. The Guild I come from has written prophecies since time began and it is our duty to see that the ones written by our ancestors are fulfilled. Never, except on the occasion of death to the chosen one, have we deciphered a Prophecy in error-” “How can you be sure!?” Karsh hid her face in her hands as hot tears stung her eyes. “How can you be sure you’re not taking him away to his doom?” she sobbed quietly. Gullen rose and came to sit next to the distraught woman. “You’re going to have to trust me, Karsh.” She looked up searchingly into his gaze. “Promise me,” she hissed, “promise me you went over the prophecy accurately, you went over the charts a thousand times, promise me there is no room for doubt, that this boy is who you seek!” And for the first time Gullen hesitated. His thoughts returned to a few days prior, before the storm had begun, before he had been sent to retrieve the boy Tay, before, when he had been no more than a humble scribe to his Master. There had been many warnings that the prophecy was soon to be at hand and the Guild Keeper had deciphered that the child, the chosen one, had been born a day before the storm had been awoken. But then there had been Gordon. Gullen had always admired the old Prophecy Weaver. He had been different than the others; more mysterious, but Gullen suspected that was because he was more in tune with the workings of the universe. He had always been secretive, a man of few words… but at the gathering when the Guild Keeper had announced the birth of the chosen one, Gordon had intervened, bringing to light the mistakes of the charts and the maps and everything they had worked on concerning this prophecy. He had revealed that the chosen one was actually a boy of some years, not a newborn. After the Guild had reviewed Gordon’s work they found him to be correct and Gullen had been elected to go and retrieved the boy. Had he had doubts? Of course. How could one man be right and hundreds of years and research be wrong? How could this boy be a gypsy, when as Karsh had pointed out, they had never associated with dragons before? Gullen stared into Karsh’s eyes. “I promise you, Tay is the child the prophecy has spoken of. He is the dawn of a new era, an era where dragons and mankind will live together in unison.” At last Karsh nodded, turning to gaze at Tay. He seemed so ecstatic, so hopeful. She just hoped that Gullen was right and this wasn’t a huge mistake. And despite Karsh's unbelief, as Gullen had foretold, the ancient prophecy; had begun. 

Ugh, I come here to ~~stalk~~ review, and see that Walker, Kitty and Kyllorac have already reviewed in mass! Well this'll just be a short one then. This is a very lengthy prologue, I feel sure it could simply be made into the first chapter. Perhaps if you had just one person's story at this point it would be justified but it's very hard to keep track of at the moment.

It also seems a little as though you have rushed some aspects of this, especially the beginning. You have a good opportunity to describe everything here, but for some reason you have chosen to jump potentially important bits of the story?

Nitpicks seem to have been taken care of already, but I'd like to see some more character development. I found some of your descriptions of them at little too indistinct and I think you could definitely add to them!

As for originality I know it's nearly impossible to create something that hasn't already been done in fantasy, but you've done a good job in making this interesting. Keep typing!

Hello! It is review day, august 2011, and what better to do than to review a novel, or a fantasy novel with an amazing start at that? I love the plot, so Im going to read and review the whole thing!
For this review, here it is: I found no spelling errors, so good job there!
Grammar was fine, nothing interesting generally occurs in these first two categories. now for the fun part!
Flow: This piece flowed well, and is a good start to a good novel!
Punctuation/capitalization: nothing wrong here! mabye its from all of the previous reviews that I do not get to correct anything.
Other: there were times where i was lying down listening to crickets, but Its 11 at night, what do you expect? apart from that, I did have to reread a couple paragraphs due to incomprehension, but my vocabulary has not had any recent expansion.
Overall, great job, and im off to the next part! Im so excited!

Dragonmaster Prologue REVISED

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