All Dressed in Black -A Ballad

Okay, I know this sounds like a poem. A few things to clarify:
They're at a funeral, and it switches between the past, the present, and the person's mind. The other person committed suicide. And just so ya know, this was my first attempt at writing lyrics. Enjoy!

All Dressed in Black

I stand outside in the drizzly rain
Next to me someone cries out in pain
Standing here all dressed in black
I really wish I could take it all back

The other day I was with you
Thought you were kidding about what you were gonna do
The other day you wanted to die
And now I’m the one to curl up and cry

I didn’t know you had a knife
And you’d be the one to take your own life
But here we are, gathered together
In this rainy, depressing, mourning type weather

I really wish I could take it all back
But now I’m here, all dressed in black

Please don't be too harsh! Please?

Ok, problem, I sung it to myself like a pop song, and it sounded OK!

But it turns out you were doing something too- AWK as Gamache would say. Awkward wording.

Standing here wearing all black - I suggest, "Standing here all dressed in black," like the title.

pretty good, nice rhyming and stuff.

This would be a good ballad with the rhythm and everything.
Just one thing "missing-you weather" this didn't really work with me but its your choice (:
Overall its really good (:

Yeah, I felt like it was missing something there, and all I could think of was missing you. xD I'll fix it when I get the chance.

Fixed it! Not sure if it's any better, but I fixed it!

hey this was so amazing! i felt like i was in a old film! i loved it!

This is actually very good, especially for someone who's never written lyrics before. I like that you don't shy away from the morbid details. Don't worry about being too harsh, with a subject like suicide and funerals it's good to be.

There are a few things you can work on.

It does very much read like poetry. Part of that is that it has no song structure (a chorus, a verse etc.) but also because in lyrics the rhyme and flow of the words is of the most importance. Everything needs to roll smoothly, that’s why it can be difficult to write. For example with the sentence "In this rainy, depressing, mourning type weather" has too many adjectives and feels over complicated. I find with writing lyrics that less is more and the simpler it is the more it leaves to the listener’s imagination.

Besides that it is very good. You should keep going with lyric writing. There are some very nice and original ideas in it. The last lines

"I really wish I could take it all back
But now I’m here, all dressed in black" Are lovely

heyyy
i like it!!! it works really well, do you play an instrument cuz if you do you should come up with a tune for it!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So sad. I think it sad.

That's what I was going for!

This is really good! I think you should try writing more lyrics! :) I'd like to read more of your's.

Nice Job!!!
I prefer the morbid type of lyrics rather than the lovey dovey ones. The only thing I didn't like was the introduction at the beginning. It's no fun when someone tells you what the lyric is about. I find it more fun in trying to interpret the lyric myself. But a very nice song lyric over all.

Your really good at rhyming

Keep writing songs this was AWESOME! X

Hello.
I think this is simple and sweet (sweet, where'd I get that?), and I love how I can see the effect of the "mourning type weather" in your lyrics--like I can actually picture the scene, something like that. Overall, I like it. Keep writing.