Pain I Can Control

Spoiler

I was so pissed when I wrote this, so I don't know how good it is.

Not everything is how it should be. Sometimes, happily ever after betrays us.


The anger boils inside me
as the words fly off the screen.

Everything is not as it once was
Or will be
Or has been.

I want to scream.
To release my fury.
To release everything.
Every emotion that has held me captive for so long.

Is she daft?
What does she not understand?
It isn't fair.
I cannot be sympathetic any longer.

Let it go. Just let it go.
I can't.
I can't let it go.
Not again.

One more strike against me.
One more stab in the back.
One more lash against my skin.

Am I not worth it? Am I not worth an effort?
I laugh at the pain.
Why me? Why now?

More words.
I feel my nails digging into my knuckles.
Scratching at my wrists.
Blood.
Pain.
Pain I can control.

i LOVE this poem. the way you express your emotions so well makes it feel as if im feeling it.
i have no criticism for this poem. keep writing, keep hope.

RayneBow, I love the simplicity of this poem! Your word choices were casual, and yet, they bring such an impact! Each and every line was pared down nicely; I can honestly find no errors nor give you any suggestions! Well done, indeed!

I truly believe that sometimes, anger brings out the best in writers! You've clearly showed that, no problem!

Great write! Keep that raw emotion going, too!

Amazing. Such raw emotion. I'm jealous that you can make the words come to life so easily. It was riveting, really, very strong emotion. I like how simple it is, yet complex. I'm not making sense, never do. But this poem is awesome. I love it. It's unique. Good job and keep writing.

Wow this poem really captures me. I love the flow but pain written in it. I totally can connect with this poem as well. It is great!! The darkness and depth is memmerizing. Keep writing more.

Hey fruity!

Eek! A cutting poem. That makes me sad. Hopefully, you're less pissed off now!

As far as the poem goes! I like using pain in poems, so that's awesome. Now, I think you can be a lot more creative in your descriptions of the pain. What does the daft one say that causes all this pain? How can you compare that to actual physical pain? Be really creative and as brutal as you want! After all, poetry is only limited by imagination, so you can make it crazy forceful and it'll be completely awesome.

Best of luck to you!

This is... Great. Just like everyone else, I loved reading this.

fruityfortissimo wrote:Let it go. Just let it go.
I can't.
I can't let it go.
Not again.

One more strike against me.
One more stab in the back.
One more lash against my skin.

Am I not worth it? Am I not worth an effort?
I laugh at the pain.
Why me? Why now?

More words.
I feel my nails digging into my knuckles.
Scratching at my wrists.
Blood.
Pain.
Pain I can control.

This is my favorite part. i realize it's like... Half the poem, but I love it. It's so powerful, and I can really connect with it personally.


[quote="PoeticGlow"]
I truly believe that sometimes, anger brings out the best in writers! You've clearly showed that, no problem!
quote]

I definately agree with this. When I first started attempting poetry, the only time it turned out good and authentic was when I wrote while I was pissed off. Then once I learned to express my anger through artistic writing styles, I was able to express other emotions as well. I really enjoy reading about anger and pain, though. Both of those feelings are hard not to express, so I think it brings out the deep thoughtfulness in all of us.

Keep writing!

xoxo,
Kiicoh.

I really like this poem! It is very strong and powerful, and runs very smoothly. Some of the words were quite gentle, such as 'daft', so you might want to be more aggressive. But that's just my opinion! The emotions in this are really well written, so you can easily imagine you are feeling that way too. Keep up the good work!

I really love this. Normally I don't like anything that has to do with people hurting themselves because I honestly don't think it is a good thing to do. But you poem doesn't just talk about the act of hurting one's self. It talks about what causes people to do it,only the last little bit actually focuses on the act.
The poem was full of power and emotion but not so much that it dragged the point of the poem down, the message still got out.
The only thing that I found odd in this was the second stanza. To me, the flow just seemed slightly off. To say that you need to release your fury and then next to say you need to release everything seems to be almost repetitive, throwing it off. I suggest removing "To release my fury".
But besides that one thing it was really good, I look forward to reading more of your work.
~SafeHouse