Shifters: Chapter 17

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Chapter 17

I awoke abruptly, my eyes flying open too rapidly for my liking. Moaning loudly, I closed them, rubbing my forehead from the slight headache. Then I proceeded to stretch out my limbs, real slowly. It’s only when I heard a chuckle that I remembered I hadn’t slept alone. “What?” I reopened my eyes.

Tony stood before the bed, dressed in a shirt and jeans, his blond hair slightly combed. “You looked like a cat for a minute there. A cute cat,” he added quickly. Then he leaned onto the bed to kiss me on the forehead. Only he didn’t. He changed course midway, kissing me on the lips instead.

It was meant to be brief, Tony pulling himself away after a short time, yet before either of us could think, I was yanking him back to me. Without missing a beat, he rested his weight on his arms, leaning his chest against me. We kissed for what felt like an eternity...

...up until Abby jumped on the bed. She pushed her cold nose on us, and we broke off quickly. “Abby!” I yelled with a laugh. She licked my cheek and went on to run around the bed as fast as she could. “Calm down girl!” Only then did she settle down, laying her head on my stomach.

Tony patted her head. “I wonder what’s got her this agitated.” And before he finished his sentence, the door opened, Ben stepping inside the bedroom.

“I’ve got a pretty good idea.” I said, causing us both to laugh.

Ben wasn’t even fazed by the fact that we were laughing at him. “Time to get up.” And then he left.

“Okay...” I trailed off.

Tony shrugged. “He probably just woke up.” He glanced at my alarm clock. “And I have to leave,” he said with a sigh as he stood up, “thank god it’s Friday!” Then he bent over to kiss me goodbye but stopped when Abby lifted her head to stare at him. Thinking better of it, he straightened himself and gave a slight smile. “See you later, princess.”

And being my silly self, all I replied was “Yup” as he rushed off. YUP?! You just made out with him and all you can say is yup?! I practically smacked myself I felt like such an idiot.

Abby whined, lifting her head a little. I looked down at her. “You just had to come see me right then, eh?”

***************

“Crys!” Ben yelled from the kitchen.

I slipped my feet into socks. “I’m coming!” I shouted back. But instead, I took my time combing my hair, making sure every wisp of hair was put into my ponytail. Then I methodically brushed my teeth. And then, after taking the time to pat Abby, I made my way downstairs, the lovely Golden Retriever racing down before me.

“Took you long enough, bro,” Greg said from the kitchen.

I moved into the room. “Bro?”

He shrugged, seating himself on the counter top. “Bra, maybe?” He chugged his glass of orange juice down.

I shook my head, exasperated. “I think I prefer bro.”

“Ignore him,” Ben said before taking a seat at the kitchen table with a cup of steaming coffee.

I sniffed. Smells good. “Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be working?” I asked Greg, ignoring Ben instead.

“Ben asked for some help, and I can afford a day off anyways.” He got off the counter top, and put his glass and plate into the sink. He glanced to Ben. “Hey Bro, do I go now?”

Ben nodded. “Just remember to stay in the forest.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Greg left the kitchen.

My curiosity was enough to make me forget how much I disliked Ben. “What’s that all about?”

“We’re going to be practicing your senses, today.”

“Ooh. Is this the part where you tell me I have a sixth sense?” I poured myself a cup of coffee.

“No. This is the part where I tell you to shut up and listen to me.” His face stayed expressionless as always. “We’ll be going outside as soon as you finish your coffee.”

“Outside?!” I glanced out the window over the sink. "But it's raining.”

"Your point?"

"It's raining!"

"You're not allergic to water, last time I heard, so I really don't see what the problem is."

"Never mind!" There was just no understanding this guy.

“Stop nagging and finish your coffee,” he ordered.

“Fine!” I hissed. I downed the coffee in a few gulps, only really tasting its sweet flavour once it was all gone. Thankfully it had been made some time before or I would’ve burnt my tongue. After putting the cup in the dishwasher, I went to the closet, put on my shoes, grabbed my coat and opened the door.

“Hold it,” Ben said, holding the door. “You won’t need this.” He grabbed the coat and thrust it back into the closet. “Now let’s go.”

*********

“S-Shit it’s cold” I trembled. It wasn’t raining particularly hard, but it was unnervingly cold and that’s without even thinking of the chilling wind. We hadn’t been out for very long, yet the few minutes it took for Ben and I to install ourselves, we’d gotten soaked. That is, Ben’s coat and jeans were soaked, whereas I was drenched from my small yellow tee to my jeans, teeth chattering non-stop.

Ben had instructed me to sit Indian style on the wet and muddy surface of the ground. He did the same, and rested his hands on the ground, eyes closed. I mimicked him, guessing he would want me in a similar position. We sat there, on the outskirts of the mansion’s yard, for a few seconds before Ben Shifted. Then he opened an eye, as if waiting for my compliance.

I Shifted as well, basking for a brief moment in the warmth of my dry leather clothes. Another bonus was that I had a coat on that I was most definitely not removing. “Remind me why we have to do this now?!”

“Because rain is an unyielding obstacle; its coldness will be a constant distraction on your body and the rain itself will unbalance you as you attempt to concentrate.”

Right. “Then t-tell me what to do so we can get t-this over with!” My teeth started chattering again.

“As you wish. Greg is hiding somewhere in this forest. You have to find him...”

That’s it?

“With your senses.”

I frowned. Not so easy. “How do I do that?”

He went on to thoroughly explain how things seemed, what I needed to look for and how it was done.

I understood half of what he said.

“Just try it already!” he retorted when I asked him to explain it a third time.

I shut my mouth before I said something I might regret – although I really doubted it – and sighed. I closed my eyes and just focused on... not thinking.

My ears heard the rain falling, the drops hitting various objects, the leaves overhead rustling back and forth. My nose smelled the humidity in the air. My tongue, once out of my mouth, tasted the cold water. And my hands, dug into the ground, felt the softness of wet sand, the chilliness of recent rain fall and the wriggling of worms desperately wanting out of the earth.

Yet I needed to sense farther than that, as per Ben. I needed to push past the simple 10% of my brain that I used, to make use of much more. I tried for a long time, but everything stayed the same. My body was getting colder by the minute, my brain screaming at me that I was going to die of hypothermia. And my stomach was beginning it lunch growl, telling me I’d been here much longer than I realized.

I opened my eyes. “C-Can we go eat?” I asked Ben who sat as still as a statue.

“No.”

“P-Please? We can c-come back after..”

“We will not eat until you’ve found Greg.”

Try something else. “Well Greg’s got-ta be bored and-d hungry.”

“Don’t worry about him, he’s got enough things with him to last him the entire day.”

That’s why he said he could lose a whole day! They think I can’t do it! “Well we’re g-going to be here all day! N-nothing’s working!” I complained.

“Just don’t think. Don’t imagine what you believe is out there; feel what’s out there. Stop using just ten percent and jack it up to twenty! Your brain can see without having to see. If blind people can function without sight, then so can you!”

I groaned, shutting my eyes to block him out. Only I couldn’t. For some reason, I could sense him. Really, sense him. I could hear his deep even breaths, lightly smell his Old Spice cologne, practically taste the gum that he’d been chewing on for so long –which was kind of nasty, actually – and feel how cold his skin was and all the goose bumps that ran up his arms.

Who’d have thought that thinking of Ben would be what helped me. Scratch that, it sounded weird. Thinking of how much I dislike Ben is what helped. Much better.

“I can sense you,” I whispered in awe. Then I focused, without thinking, on my surroundings.

It was a beautiful sight. I could see everything, down to the smallest molecule, around me. It was as though the world had frozen in time and space, all except for me, and I was taking the time to examine it with a magnifying glass. Only nothing had stopped, it was me who could see it all in a split second.

And the colors were stunning. Each thing was of a different color; animals, vegetation, humans, the air, you name it. It reminded me of infrared light only without the vagueness of its vision. No, the vision was quite its own, like that of an eagle.

That’s when I finally understood what Ben had said. The part where I would know when and when not to think. To sense everything, I had to clear my mind, not let it conjure up mental imagines for me. But once there, I had to concentrate extra hard or my senses could overtake me. There was too much going on, too much I could hear, smell, taste, feel and see that I could lose myself in its wonders.

So I established my goal and let my mind roam, not freely, but it search of Greg. Humans were white, as I’d seen from Ben’s figure, and so I needed only to find another white shape.

For several minutes, or what felt like them, I searched, using my “eagle’s eyes” to journey through the forest. I passed my old house, which I figured the two floating grey shapes were my parent’s ghosts. I went through the mansion, watching over Abby’s pink figure for a moment, and glancing quickly into Jason and Gigi’s bedroom where both were getting dressed. What took me off guard though was how Gigi was not white, as I’d expected her to be, but grey, just as my parents had been. Odd.

Sometime later, I finally spotted my “prey”. Greg was huddled on a huge branch on one of the tallest trees around, at the very opposite of where the mansion stood. He’d picked the very last tree situated on this side of the forest, the other ones being on family domains. Despite being meters high above the ground, he was having the time of his life playing a Mario game on his Game Boy, a lunch bag leaned on his side. Typical Greg. All he needs his games and food.

“Found him!” I said, surprised I’d actually spoken out loud. I opened my eyes carefully.

“Good. Now where is he?” Ben asked.

I pointed in the right direction. “He’s on the last tree just before the new houses.”

He nodded. “And what is he doing?”

“Playing his Game Boy. Some Mario game I don’t know.”

A small smile spread on his face. “Well done. You’re one of the first to succeed so quickly, like much that you’ve accomplished so far.”

I nodded and shivered, having forgotten that I was so cold. “How long?”

“Roughly five hours.”

“Five hours?! And you’ve been sitting here the whole time?” I stood up and moved towards the house.

Now he laughed, following me. “Not likely. I went inside a couple of times and had some food. I wasn’t going to let myself starve to death.”

I hurried into the mansion, sighing in relief when no more rain fell on me. Ben, on the other hand, not even bothered, grabbed his cell phone out of his pockets and dialled. “You can come in now,” he told Greg and then hung up.

I Shifted back to normal and took off my wet shoes. “I wanted to ask you-“

“Not now,” he cut in, “take a shower and eat, and we’ll talk about it tomorrow. I have a few things to do.”

I didn’t wait for him to finish. I rushed up the stairs to go take a heavenly shower.

*************

Later that day, after supper, I was busy playing a friendly game of WII Mario Kart against Greg.

“I’m gonna kick your ass!” I shot turtle shells at him.

“HA! In your dreams, woman!” He shoved his elbow into my ribs, merely to distract me.

I pushed him away with my shoulder. “You’re going DOWN!”

“Pff! Everybody knows men drive better!” Then he cursed as his kart slipped on a banana.

The door bell suddenly rang. “Got it.” I paused the game and rushed to the door, the bell ringing twice more before I got there. “Hello?” I asked as soon as the door was open.

The umbrella moved back, revealing the woman under it. Around my age, she had jet black hair up to her chin, beautiful facial features and a slim figure wrapped in a red trench coat. A scowl was chiselled into her face. “Where’s Tony?” she demanded with a strong southern accent.

“Excuse me?” Who is this chick?

She didn’t even wait for my reply, pushing past me to enter the house. She dropped the umbrella onto the floor, not even caring that it was wet. Then she swiftly removed her coat, exposing the strapless black dress she wore. That’s when I noticed she was wearing small high heels, despite the cold rainy weather. “I’m asking where Tony is. You know, Anthony Blair?” She threw her coat into the closet.

She might not be an unnatural being, but she sure is a snob. “I know who he is. And pick that up!” I pointed at the coat lying on the floor. “This isn’t your house.”

“It’s-“

“Aaron!” Someone barked from the stairs. Tony rushed down the rest of them, fury etched into his face. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Aaron?!” She’s Aaron? I thought Aaron was a guy!

She turned towards me, her eyes narrowing until we could barely see the green of her irises. “Yeah! It’s my name!” She wriggled her lightly freckled nose. Then she whirled back to Tony, dismissing me just like that. A cool smile spread on her face. “Hey baby!”

“Don’t call me that,” he snapped. His body was so tense, his anger barely contained inside of him that I feared he would combust. “I told you not to come here!”

She pretended to pout. “Aren’t you happy to see me?” She slithered close to him, moving in for a hug, and failing to when Tony stepped away from her. Despite being behind her, I could tell by her body language that she wasn’t at all pleased by the gesture.

I couldn’t help but snort. Despite Nana’s teachings that I shouldn’t judge people without truly knowing them, I couldn’t help but dislike this one. And when she heard my snort, turned around to glare at me, I couldn’t help but offer my biggest smile. She was practically fuming when she spun back around.

Even Tony, seeing my face, gave a sideways grin, which didn’t escape Miss Texas’ attention. “Tell me, Tony, who is she?” She jerked her head towards me. “Is she your assistant? A maid, perhaps?”

“Maid?” I held back a laugh. “More like a bouncer; the type that’ll throw your ass out of here.”

While Tony was biting his cheeks to prevent himself from laughing, Aaron chose to ignore me. “I don’t want her bothering us. After all,” she let her Texan accent come out in full force, “it’s only normal to want to spend time with my fiancé.”
Last edited by Spitfire on Fri Jan 14, 2011 9:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Baby girl!

Yay, a new chappy! I was hoping this was the reason you were online *does happy dance*

Tony patted her head. “I wonder what’s got her this agitated.” And before he finished his sentence, the door opened, Ben stepping inside the bedroom
You say that 'before he finished his sentence', yet the sentence is finished. How about: "...got her agitated- " Better, I think.

Ben wasn’t even fazed by the fact that we were laughing at him. “Time to get up.” And then he left.
Is Ben still mad? Man, can he hold a grudge!

And being my silly self, all I replied was “Yup” as he rushed off. YUP?! You just made out with him and all you can say is yup?! I practically smacked myself I felt like such an idiot.
I thought you should put the part I highlighted in italics, in italics ;)

He shrugged, seating himself on the counter top. “Bra, maybe?” He chugged his glass of orange juice down.
Am I good, or what? ;)

I sniffed. Smells good.
Yes it does *sniff*

My curiosity was enough to make me forget how much I disliked Ben. “What’s that all about?”
Disliked Ben in general, or just for the moment?

“S-Shit it’s cold” I trembled
There should be a period after 'cold' because she can't 'tremble' her words. She's simply trembling.

My ears heard the rain falling, the drops hitting various objects, the leaves overhead rustling back and forth. My nose smelled the humidity in the air. My tongue, once out of my mouth, tasted the cold water. And my hands, dug into the ground, felt the softness of wet sand, the chilliness of recent rain fall and the wriggling of worms desperately wanting out of the earth.
I absolutely love this paragraph. Great work on incorporating all the senses!

Yet I needed to sense farther than that, as per Ben. I needed to push past the simple 10% of my brain that I used, to make use of much more.
the numbers and symbol should be in letters...

And my stomach was beginning it lunch growl, telling me I’d been here much longer than I realized.
its

So I established my goal and let my mind roam, not freely, but it search of Greg
in

For several minutes, or what felt like them, I searched, using my “eagle’s eyes” to journey through the forest
I think you can remove the 's'

“I’m asking where Tony is. You know, Anthony Blair?” She threw her coat into the closet.
If she just dropped the umbrella, why would she even care about the closet? Why not just drop it or discarding it on a couch?

Ok Baby Girl!

That was a shock. Aaron, ha! She's a real....Witch ;)

You've done a good job at defining her character, just don't go overboard with stereotypes. Make sure she is who she is for a reason, and not because you need her to be this way. Know what I mean?

I see you've already started with Greg as we spoke, nice job with him too. I can't help but picture him as Fabio from Survivor...hahaha.

I thought the beginning of this chappy was a little stiff, but you quickly warmed up to it, and it flowed nicely afterwards. Thanks for posting!

Loved this chappy and I can't wait to read more!

Me xxx

P.S Ok guys, my sister has also started another novel and the storyline is awesome. So, feel free to put on a little pressure for her to start posting it (once it's written). She'll be starting school in two weeks and who knows when she'll be able to write. :D




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This is freaking epic!!!!!! God, i can't wait for the next chapter! Pfft, you really know how to draw people in. Its funny and serious at the same time, its awesome.
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Hey! Nice name change. ;)

Okay, so not much for me to nitpick on here that Tanya didn't already get. I noticed a couple of times that you used a contraction that made the tenses sound odd, like here:
It wasn’t raining particularly hard, but it was unnervingly cold and that’s without even thinking of the chilling wind.


Just expand it to "that was"; the contraction makes me naturally change to the present tense.

He shrugged, seating himself on the counter top. “Bra, maybe?” He chugged his glass of orange juice down.


This made me laugh. Love it. XD Actually, I love the whole dialogue exchange between Ben and Crys here; you've done a great job with making the banter sound natural.

I groaned, shutting my eyes to block him out.

“I can sense you,” I whispered in awe. Then I focused, without thinking, on my surroundings.

It was a beautiful sight. I could see everything,


Okay, so this kind of confused me for a moment. I didn't see any mention of her opening her eyes, so I wasn't sure if she was actually looking at her surroundings with just different eyesight, or if she's still got her eyes closed and is somehow able to locate everything mentally. Perhaps you could clear this up a bit.

What took me off guard though was how Gigi was not white, as I’d expected her to be, but grey, just as my parents had been. Odd.


Ooh my curiosity can't stand it!

Now he laughed, following me. “Not likely. I went inside a couple of times and had some food. I wasn’t going to let myself starve to death.”


Again, love this part. Ben's definitely getting to be one of my favorite characters.

“Aaron?!” She’s Aaron? I thought Aaron was a guy!


Um, yeah, me too! Is it Erin or Aaron? Haha.

“it’s only normal to want to spend time with my fiancé.”


Whoa. Totally blindsided there. I was thinking ex-girlfriend or something...but wow.

Okay, so great job with the personalities, story development, and pacing. You've definitely got a lot of cliffhangers that are driving me crazy...post more soon!

Oh, and...pressure to post this other story! 'Cause Tanya told me to, of course. XD
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Spitfirrrre! I'll have to thank RH for pointing that out because I would never have noticed that! Haha. And what's this about another story?? Please post! (:

N/Ps:
rubbing my forehead from the slight headache

Change to "my"? Or add a little more at the end of this sentence to balance it out: "...the slight headache 'gripping my forehead'/'making the blood pound in my ears'" or whatever you want.

real slowly

Ah, I'm conflicted, because the YWS reviewer in me hates the sight of this, but the YWS writer gets that that's how Crys speaks. Perhaps avoid using "real" as much as possible. :S

Tony pulling himself away after a short time

Watch how many continuous present tense verbs you have here. You're using past tense and the sight of these tend to confuse. Try "Tony had begun to pull himself away".

And Before he finished his sentence, the door opened [and] Ben stepping [stepped] inside the bedroom.

Watch 'em! ;]

“I’ve got a pretty good idea.” I said, causing us both to laugh.

Missing a comma where that full-stop should be on the speechtag! ;]

YUP?! You just made out with him and all you can say is yup?!

Italics for thoughts?

my stomach was beginning it lunch growl

Its

asked Bencomma who sat

(:

She pretended to pout. “Aren’t you happy to see me?” She slithered close to him, moving in for a hug

I don't like what she says here. It feels too cliche. It seems every woman who we're positioned to dislike and is trying to get the heroine's guys always says this. I'm not a fan of this here...

Good Picks:

“I wonder what’s got her this agitated.” And before he finished his sentence, the door opened, Ben stepping inside the bedroom.

“I’ve got a pretty good idea.”

lol

"Well Greg’s got-ta be bored and-d hungry."
I love her trying to talk through chattering teeth. It's a really good effect, and quite amusing. (:

It was a beautiful sight. I could see everything, down to the smallest molecule, around me. It was as though the world had frozen in time and space, all except for me, and I was taking the time to examine it with a magnifying glass. Only nothing had stopped, it was me who could see it all in a split second.

And the colors were stunning. Each thing was of a different color; animals, vegetation, humans, the air, you name it. It reminded me of infrared light only without the vagueness of its vision. No, the vision was quite its own, like that of an eagle.

I love these. It felt really cinematic to me. I could really see it as a scene in a film with all the great effects, especially the first paragraph. Yeah, that created a really good image. Love it.

What took me off guard though was how Gigi was not white, as I’d expected her to be, but grey, just as my parents had been. Odd.

Ooooh! Is Gigi a ghost? Am I paranoid in thinking she's a wolf in sheep's clothing? Hm, I have a few question with this one, hope we get explanations soon!

I Shifted back to normal and took off my wet shoes. “I wanted to ask you-“

“Not now,” he cut in, “take a shower and eat, and we’ll talk about it tomorrow. I have a few things to do.”

Subtly reminds us of Gigi, but Crys is stopped before she can get any answers. Love it.

Ah, Suzie, I'm glad you put up more! The last two sections were very good, especially the middle. You've got your usual mix of comedy, intrigue, 'magic' and great storytelling. Loved it. The first section, I felt, needed a little more work; it didn't feel up to your usual standard. I don't know if it was too many continuous present tense verbs or too many sentences starting with conjunctions. It just felt iffy. But I was so happy when I read on and saw you make up for it a million times over. And that twist! I'd already read RH's review before I got to that section so I guessed where it was going ): Next time I will totally avoid reading the reviews! But still, I think Tony's going to get a fierce talking to from both of them. Haha.

Well, that's me. I hope we won't be waiting as long for the next chapter! ;P Or I might have to set Tanya on to you. ;] Looking forward to the next one!

~Emma
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You're = Omission. You're quite strange...

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Thanks everyone for the great reviews, it's really helping me out :D

EmmaJane wrote:YUP?! You just made out with him and all you can say is yup?!
Italics for thoughts?

This part, I have to say, I actually did put it in italic when I originally wrote it on Word, I just forgot to put it italic once on YWS

borntobeawriter wrote:P.S Ok guys, my sister has also started another novel and the storyline is awesome. So, feel free to put on a little pressure for her to start posting it (once it's written). She'll be starting school in two weeks and who knows when she'll be able to write.

Yes, I really have started a new story. 8) I'm still writing the first chapter of it, but I can tell you a little about it;
The MC's a teenager named Vincent. When he was a baby, his father was killed, accidently, while cradling little Vincent. And because of that incident (which I won't be telling about just yet) Vincent can travel through mirrors. But when his mother and grand-mother are kidnapped by powerful people looking to use him, he'll discover he can do much more with mirrors than he ever thought possible....
I hope you guys are interested :D
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Sounds like my type of story. Especially with a hero named Vincent. XD
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Alright, finally around again for a review. ;)

This chapter was a little stiff at first, but it easily warmed back up into the flow of your typical writing, which is good. :) Had you not written for a while before starting this chapter? I've noticed that if I haven't written for a while it takes a bit to get back into the swing of my style.

Anywho, let's get on with it.

He went on to thoroughly explain how things seemed, what I needed to look for and how it was done.

1. This sentence in general confused me. I know what you mean to say here, but it still doesn't exactly say it like you wanted, I don't think.
2. Have him actually explain how she should "sense" things. It doesn't have to be a long infodump, but just skipping over it like that makes me feel kind of...cheated. Haha. I'd just like to know the basics of her power, it will make them seem more realistic.

Humans were white, as I’d seen from Ben’s figure, and so I needed only to find another white shape.

1. Maybe I missed it but when did she see Ben being white? If she didn't...she should. Haha!
2. What would make her assume that because Ben is white, all humans are white? It could easily be all human males are white, or just this particular person is white. If no one explains to her that everything has this sort of colored aura, then it doesn't seem likely she would make this assumption without seeing a few humans with the same white aura. Also, Ben is a Shifter which seems pretty different from a human. Could they have a different "color" because of this?

What took me off guard though was how Gigi was not white, as I’d expected her to be, but grey, just as my parents had been. Odd.

Going along with what I just said, Gigi being a different color wouldn't seem so immediately odd. Maybe all full humans are gray (and don't change when they're ghosts?) or something like that. I can see that you're trying to hint at something that's different about Gigi with her color being different, but I think it would almost be better if it were more subtle or if Crys were to try and rationalize it to something "normal".
Or maybe it could be rephrased to something like: Gigi was not white, as the guys had all been, but more of a gray color like my parents were. Odd.
I don't know, I could just be poking around where no poking is needed. xD

Overall
I'm liking this chapter on its own, but when I think about it together with all the other chapters it gets a bit...I hate to say, repetitive. Almost like most of the past few chapters can be put into the same skeleton: Ben tells Crys she has to learn another Shifter power, Crys angsts at Ben for a while until she figures out the power, something happens to upset the balance of the group (usually involving Crys and Nicolas or Crys and Tony).

While that setup isn't necessarily bad, it gets a little dull after a while. Really, I'm waiting for some big Shifter action to go down. What ever happened to the big rhino thing from the very beginning? Who sent that after Crys to begin with? Why would that person suddenly back off and not show themselves again? Any villian with any intelligence would strike while Crys is uneasy with her powers and the rest of them are all distracted trying to teach her.

I love this story, and I love your style, but there seems to be a central conflict lacking. Sure, there are small conflicts, but what is driving the story? What is the main driving desire of the main characters? What does Crys want? What does Tony want? And with a story like this, you can only go so long without the Shifters all going out and kicking some butt. ;)

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is I'd like to see the story take off into some serious rising action. Maybe Crys won't be ready for it, maybe she won't be able to completely kick butt without some serious consequences (death, destruction, injury), but that's part of what makes a story interesting and realistic. No villian in his right mind is going to sit around and wait for the heroes to be completely prepared to defeat him. He's going to strike while he has the upper hand. ;)

Can't wait to see what happens with this mysterious fiance, and where the Shifters will be going next! Good luck and keep writing! And also, post some this new story with an awesome plot for us to nom. ^.^

-Lauren-
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Thanks Lauren! And you're right; it does seem to get repetitive. I hadn't even noticed, lol. I was going to add a little attack in there somewhere, but it goes with some parts that I haven't really written yet; it was going to be done when I edited/re-wrote this. Sorry XD

But there is going to be some action soon enough. Not exactly the next chapter, but pretty soon :D I'm going to try and finish the chappy soon, but I'm also doing my other story at the same time..when I'm not at school. I'll try and finish one of them this week-end, I'm just not sure which one ;)
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I've read and reread this so many times now... it's becoming like an addictive drug!
Do you know the day I joined YWS this particular chapter was top of the featured works list? I've loved it ever since!
But, considering that was the beginning of January, I'd say it was high time the next chapter was posted. Wouldn't you agree?
xD



I was never insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.
— Edgar Allan Poe