Are You Ready To Die? (Linked to Beautiful Yet Sinister)

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Hope you like this. I have slightly linked it to Beautiful Yet Sinister, though it wont be clear in the beginning. And if you get confused by the last line, then if you do read Beautiful Yet Sinister you'll understand a little better. Anyway enjoy :)

I love how each promise you make to me you break. Even the promise about not breaking promises. You lie each time we speak and yet you wonder why I now dont start the conversations. Why I use single word answers. Why I ignore you while you're drunk. Problem is you are always drunk. I'm not even exaggerating. When you wake, you reach for the vodka bottle under your bed. Each day its a new bottle, as you've finished the previous a hour after its been opened. You're no longer the guy I loved. You're killing yourself.
Sad thing is I'm shaking while I type. Its a mixture of anger, pain and abandonment. The person I origionally met never drunk, never did drugs, never broke a promise, never hurt a girl. Now look at you. Look in the mirror and see what you have become. I dont even recognise you. Your face has even changed.
I can remember the day we met like it was yesterday. The sky was a clear blue and the day was a bitter cold, but I still wore a skirt. I had to look my best. I also remember I was hungover. Now I admit I have been drunk, but alcohol doesn't take over my life like it does yours. Anyway, I recall bumping into two of my closest friends and telling them about you. How i'd never met you before and I was scared. The big brother roles soon became theres and they watched me from a distance as I sat in the place we'd arrange to meet. I sat on the steps outside the shopping centre more nervous then I have ever been. I looked at each face wondering if it was yours. My hands were clutching my phone, wondering if I should text of ring you and ask where you were. Problem with ringing was I had never even heard your voice. What if you werent even a teenage boy? Then your shadow was cast upon me and I glanced up. Never before had my heart raced.
I first noticed your glistening blue eyes and your nervous smile. You felt as scared as me. Your skin was as white as snow and I could see how your clothes hung from your body, you were skinnier then most. Light brown hair was covered by a black hat, which rested at an angle on your head. You wore a blue strippy shirt, with dark blue jeans. Last was a pair of deep red shoes. You looked more normal then any of my friends, but to me I knew you couldnt be more special. I stood slightly shaking and smiled as your eyes seemed to widen when you saw I was the same height as you. Our conversation was slow and nervous, but we seemed to get along fine. Then the brothers strided over and the questioning begun. You looked terrorfied. They didnt leave us alone. Thats when I decided to run and gladly you followed. When we finally stopped, I couldnt stop laughing. Adrenaline pumped through our veins as we stepped onto the esculater. I glanced at you, then next thing I remember we were kissing. No-one could match that kiss you gave.
Now, I could spend hours recalling each memory we shared. How we quite quickly became lovers the next day we met. How I always hated myself as the day after was your birthday and I was to selfish to come down and see you. How the next day you asked me out. How we spent every weekend together becoming one. How you broke my heart six times. Each time breaking up with me either over the phone or through text. How I always came running back. Then how you started going out with my best mate and didnt tell me till I saw you both in town. How you slowly started changing before my eyes.
This happened over a year ago. A year, five months and fifthteen days to be exact. I've not been counting, I'm just really good and working stuff out. If I showed your old self a new photograph of how you now look now, I doubt he'd recognise himself. Your hair is dyed a jetblack. Your eyes, which are framed in eyeliner, have faded to a clouded grey. Piercings cover your even paler skin. You have grown to be sickingly thin. Each item of clothing you wear is coloured black and is half ripped apart from the amount of fights you now take part in. Scars cover your arms, from a mix of needles and razors. I wont be surprised if soon your nose falls apart.
Now I need to ask you something. Are you ready to die? I can promise you it will happen sooner rather then later. You are your own murderer. Oh, and that new girl you're with. Just think when your life starts to finally fall apart, is she really going to stand by you? While you dying in the corner from an overdose, is she going to help? When you stumble into traffic while drunk, will she call the ambulence? When a fight goes to far, is she going to nurse your wounds? I have no problems with her, but from the stories i've heard, she has no problems with any other guy.
You may wonder why after all this time i've decided to tell you about everything I think. Well i've been hurt again. He made promises like you did. You were my first love and he was my second. I'm just wondering why you've hurt me and why you've cursed me to be hurt by people who look almost the image of you, or close to it. Black hair blue eyes. Tends to be the blues eyes. The last year has been filled with guys who have adored me and I admit I have hurt a number. Though the ones who have hurt me, have had the same glistening blue eyes you have. Some have hurt more than others, but all with one thing in common.
Last thing you promised me was just to come see me. We are meant to be friends. Yet each time you cancel. Are you worried you still love me? If so, are you ready to run? I've been waiting patiently for this. I will hurt you like you hurt me. I have changed. You should know I'm dangerous. If you still love me, i'd hide. We will meet again.
This is a warning. Hope you enjoyed the read.
...The Emptiness Will Haunt You...




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Well, I liked this and thought it was nicely put together, so mostly just grammar nitpicks from me today :) Oh, and I haven't read Beautiful yet Sinister, but I thought this was fine as a stand-alone piece.

I love how each promise you make to me you break.
Opening lines should be powerful, but I didn't really get this. Why does she love that he breaks promises? If it's sarcasm I'm not sure it's clear enough.
Even the promise about not breaking promises.
That's kind of a given. Maybe 'especially', instead or 'even'?
You lie each time we speak and yet you wonder why I now dont don'tstart the conversations.

Each day its a new bottle, as you've finished the previous a an hour after its been opened.

Its It's a mixture of anger, pain and abandonment.
Okay, I'm going to stop pointing every instance out, but you often don't have apostrophes where you need them.
The person I origionally originally met never drunk drank,
I noticed a few other spelling mistakes as well as these. Try to run it through spell check if you can.
I can remember the day we met like it was yesterday.
Be cautious of cliches.
Thats That's when I decided to run and gladly you followed. This doesn't quite work. I think it should be either 'and you gladly followed' or 'and, fortunately, you followed', depending on what you actually mean by this.

I wont won't be surprised if soon your nose falls apart.
There's a weird change of tense here. Maybe 'I wouldn't be surprised if your nose were to fall apart soon' or 'I won't be surprised if, soon, your nose fell apart'?
I can promise you it will happen sooner rather then later.
I like that you brought back the theme of promises here.
This is a warning. Hope you enjoyed the read.
You said that the last line would be confusing to those who hadn't read 'Beautiful Yet Sinister', and it was. If you hadn't said that my advice would be to scrap the last two sentences, as the sentence before would be a more powerful ending. Possibly I would still advise this, as I feel that this piece of writing should be able to stand alone and not rely on the other to give it meaning. I don't know, whatever you think. :)

Well, the characters in this were very interesting, as is the plot. I would suggest, though, that you include some form of explanation as to why the man has changed so much. You said drugs and alcohol, but I'd like to know more about the experiences which lead him there. Well done with your characterisation making me want to know more about him!
I loved the theme of promises. Maybe you could use it even more? I'm not sure though, it would be interesting to see.

I hope this is helpful! Good work and keep writing!

-pigeon
Reader, what are you doing?





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even with the spelling mistakes, you have still proved that you have listened to the critiques you have been given and have used them to form yet another passionate piece. I can see that you can return to a piece and expand on it and still creating interest and intruige into the every sentence. and I do adore the way you linked it with the final line, it felt almost sweet in a cautionary way.



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