(This is one of those things that you write as a charatcer, but you know no one's ever actually going to buy it because it's so insane. So this a quick... character study on one of my most Hyperactive characters, Jeffy. Just enjoy. Yes, I am aware that it's insanely ramblomatic, that's kind of the point.)
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I’m not really sure where I should start. You see… actually I know you don’t. These are only words on a page. I’m having trouble not feeling self conscious about writing this down, since I have no idea who’ll read it. I hope some one will someday. Then maybe I’ll be famous long beyond my time. That’d be cool because People would remember my name… but I wouldn’t get royalties, which would suck out loud.
I really don’t know where to start… or even how to start to explain who I am. I’m just me I suppose. You can call me Jeffy. My real name is Jefferson Smith. My grandma said my dad was a history major who’s favorite historical figure was Thomas Jefferson. On the other hand my great aunt said my mom’s favorite movie was “Mr. Smith goes to Washington.”
I really don’t know which it is, but I know both my parents were probably a bit looney. Well, I suppose they were. I don’t really know. My great aunt told me that a robber killed them in front of me, like batman, ya know?
Well, not really like batman. I was too little to remember; I don’t have a cool butler; and I don’t have a bat cave… Man that’d be cool to have… Anyway!
So after my parents died my grandma and grandpap raised me for a bit. Grandpap’s sister, Aunt Jammy, (Yeah, I don’t remember her real name any more) moved in when grandpap died when I was 5. I lived with my grandma and Aunt Jammy until I was about 10, when grandma was sent off with Alzheimer’s and Aunt Jammy died of cancer.
People stare at me funny when I talk about how my parents died. I suppose I get a little too chirpy when I talk about them. I just don’t remember them. My only memories are from a few home videos and the story grandpap told me of their death (he saw too, which is what Aunt Jammy told me killed him, to see his only daughter be gunned down for no reason). Anyway, I can tell grandpap’s version pretty well, but Aunt Jammy was blunter with her version, so it’s more interesting. She also made some stuff up. Quinton Tarintino’s got nothing on Aunt Jammy’s stories!
Anyway, what I was getting around to saying was that I don’t care about my parents… no really, I don’t. I didn’t know them at all. I have no problem talking, in great and gory detail, about their murder. It’s so separated from me that it’s not even funny.
Now, I can’t talk about Aunt Jammy’s, or Grandpap’s, or Grandma’s death without nearly tearing my heart out. They loved me, and I loved them. They were my real parents, and I miss them.
Don’t worry about me feeling alone though, because I don’t.
After I was ‘abandoned’, as that brat Skittle-Brain says about being orphaned, I was sent off to a nearby orphanage. It’s not a bad place. There’s a lot of outside funding because the… what’s the word… director doesn’t seem right, cause director implies someone pulling the strings; Bryan works his ass off for us… Anyway, Bryan, our esteemed leader and caretaker, is close friends with people who have a lot of money.
Bryan’s just awesome. He’s as cold as ice, but he’s also a tough bad ass…. You know, looking back on this, that doesn’t seem like that best description of a guy who takes care of about a hundred kids, most of which have serious psychological disorders. Bryan’s just a bit… antisocial…. I mean, he gets along with his friends, and their family, but he’s been orphaned from birth, like a lot of us. He’s strict, but he takes really good care of us. Ya know?
Oh yeah, he’s also a drug addict.
Well… he’s recovering.
Okay, he hasn’t had any drugs since he was 19, and it’s been like 15-20 years. Yeah, I’m a really crappy time keeper. Anyway, his drug habit can be a bitch to someone like me. See, I like drugs. I’m not an addict. I know it’d be redundant to say I could quit anytime I wanted, but I could. I really don’t care what I take, or how I take it (though I really don’t like tobacco. It kills too many people, ya know?)
Anyway, I’m pretty casual about my use. I just use whatever I get my hands on every so often, just to relax. Sometimes I get off my high long enough to get high again, and sometimes I go a couple months with nothing (7.46 is my record. Try to figure out how I came to that number! I dare you!)
Anyway, no worries, I’m not high now. The drug dealer at my school got busted, and they’re catching all the kids who use, so I’m of it for a few weeks, until the establishment chills out.
Anyway, Bryan ((Dude, I just noticed I used “Anyway” to start three paragraphs in a row. That’s a sign of a sucky writer. So sorry! Not changing it though! I know you can’t see through paper, but I’m sticking my tongue at you! Deal with it!))
Anyway, (ha ha, that word again), so Bryan was really bad on… whatever he was on. He told us he’s not sure if he would be able to resist if he let the stuff stick around, so as soon as he finds any drugs he disposes of them (meaning flushes them. No one wants them after that). If he finds out who did it, then he’ll try to send them for counseling, then rehab, if it’s bad enough. He caught me once, but I pled the fifth, and said I’d just wanted to try it. I still had to see the counselor. I don’t do anything around home anymore, only around school. The school officials, as many of them as there are, never find out anything unless you’re stupid.
Now here’s a funny thing: Bryan, who has almost a ratio of 100 to 1 on this stuff, he always finds out. The school, which has significantly better (1243 students, divided by 59 total faculty is like 21 students to faculty) ratio, can’t catch just about anyone. How sucky is that?
Okay, so Bryan’s a real bad ass. If he was Batman, I wouldn’t be surprised. He can do like anything. He’s also the only person I call by their name. I once heard that Bill Cosby had this bit about how parents should wait a few years before they name their kids, until they get to know them, then they can assign the kid a name that actually suits them, instead of Jefferson Smith.
I like this principle, so I give everyone a nick name… except Bryan, cause that’s a name that describes him. It just fits him too well for me to even hope to pick a better name.
So, you can call my Jeffy, everyone does, including me. I mean I got friends with weird, weird names; like Azrial… It’s an odd spelling of a Hebrew angel name, and it’s a dude. So Azrial is Jake. Jake is a bit of a squirt, especially compared his brother, Adiya (another Hebrew name for a girl, though it fits the snarky bastard), who I refer to as highness. He just comes off like a king.
Then there’s Midi, Adiya’s best friend. He told everyone his real name, his birth name, was Midnight Blood; but no one believes him. Everyone at school thinks he just changed it, but dammit if it doesn’t fit him! Everyone just calls him Midi.
Midi’s so wicked, he’s like real royalty. I mean Adiya is the president of the student council, but Midi just acts like he’s king. He’s the only guy in the world who can have long white hair and not look like a girl. It’s crazy. Adiya’s got long black hair, but he’d kill you if you ever called him effeminate to his face (even though he does look it… I’m really hoping Adiya isn’t the one who find this first. If I end up dead, let this be a testament to the fact that Adiya killed me. The sick bastard would be smiling while doing so! I just know it!)
Anyway, so let’s talk about some of the nicer people in my life. Jake’s cool, even if he’s almost pathetic in how he refuses to fight back. I like him though. He’s pretty damn cool if he ever lets you get to know him. Then there’s little Antoinette. She tells me her name is Amy, but I think little Antoinette fits her better.
Little Antoinette is just gorgeous, ya know? I swear there isn’t a guy alive who wouldn’t jump to attention if she snapped her fingers. I don’t think about her like that. She told me her mom’s a psycho killer, and I believe her. She’s not insane.
Speaking of insane, you know everyone seems to think I’m crazy? I don’t know why. Bryan said I might be bipolar, cause I have the highest highs, and the lowest lows. The thing is that I’m happy like 99% of the time. It’s that 1% you need to worry about. I mean, seriously, watch out for me in a bad mood, I’m devilish, ya know?
Little Anoinette says I’m not bipolar, but that it’s the balance in my personality. She’s not a hippy, but she has some wild ideas. She said she learned most of them from some writer lady she knew. Anyway, she says that all things in the world balance out. In order to compensate for having too much food stuffed into it, your body creates fat; par exemple.
Anyway, little Antoinette says that since I’m so chirpy cheerful most of the time, that I need to be a complete demon during that 1% to balance it out, so my personality won’t make me crazy. She calls it like a pressure valve.
Jake says it’s cause I do drugs (yeah, he’s one of those). That’s not possible, though, cause I’ve always been like this; even when I was a baby, before my parents died; or so said grandma anyway.
You know, looking back at all this I’m starting to wonder if I ever make any sense, or if I’m just doomed to be a static character forever. Oh well, I like my life. It’s quirky, you could say, and a hell of a lot of fun. Where else in the world can a guy be an orphan and not be Oliver Twist (yeah, I do like that movie. Watching Fagan dance always makes me laugh).
Also, please note how not emo I am! I must be the anti-emo… I like emo kids though; they’re cool. Ya know, I’ve never met an emo kid, who actually acted emo… weird huh? Oh well… I really don’t care that much.
And now I’m just blathering on (yeah, I’m smart, I know words like blathering.) So I’m gonna give this up. I got to sleep. I got a test tomorrow, ya know?
You defined your character very well. The repeated, 'ya know' was a nice touch. I really enjoyed reading this! I can't really give a serious critique on this - except that I'd love to read your story now! If you ever post it please PM me, it sounds great! I just did something like this myself, it's a great way to "bond" with your characters, don't ya think?
