Moon Dreamer Prologue

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Prologue (not in Opal's view)
Some people don't really know where she came from. Some people thought she was from an island in the Pacific Ocean and managed to get here, in the U.S. Others thought she was a human sized,wingless fairy who was banished from her land. But I believe she's from the moon- because she told me. She crashed in my backyard about 2 years ago now, down here on Earth. She was fair skinned, with flowing, brown hair, and blue-gray eyes. She was pretty. She told me about her village-and yes, it was on the moon.

Opal's view
"Charen," I said, "Aren't there others like us? Are we alone in our world?" Charen turned from organizing the books to look at me and put some of her dirty blond hair away from her face. She sighed, "Maybe, Opal. But maybe on the other side there are more like you and me and someday I might take you there." She smiled, looked at me with her pale green eyes and asked, "How about that?" I smiled back and nodded, even when I noticed the look of doubt on her face. 'But how can we?' I thought to myself.



Charen has taken care of me since my parents got killed in an accident. I don't really remember my own parents, though. I know that there names are Mary and George. We, the people in my village, don't have last names. Us girls use our father's name as last names and when we get married, we use our husband's name.



Charen always says I remind her of my mother so much. I have a picture and I guess it's true. When I look at my mother's picture, I see gray eyes, flowing brown hair, and fair skin. And when I look in the mirror, I see the same exact thing...Except a 13-year old version.



My father is totally different. The only thing I have related to him is that I have a blue tinge in my gray eyes. He has blond hair and almost pale skin.



My parents are believed to have disapeared in an accident after my 1st birthday. Since then, they have been proclaimed dead. Charen was our housekeeper back then too. But she doesn't like to talk about my parents or the accident for that matter.

Charen told me my mother named me Opal because that was her favorite gem and I was her favorite little girl...really her only little girl. I'm 13 years old and I live on the moon in MoonDoon village.

Charen and I aren't the only ones who live on the moon. There are other moon people, of course. It's just I've always wondered if there were more like us. I want to know if we are the only ones.

MoonDoon village is the only village on the moon, where most moon people live. There is also one other city on the moon known as the Foundation, where most of the population work; the popular busines is law.

Both cities, MoonDoon and Foundation, are placed on what we call the "dark side" of the moon. The line that seperates the "light side" and the "dark side" is called the terminator. It's like the dark side slowly fades into the light side.

Moon people have created a semicircle that covers our side and protects us from the space junk and keeps oxygen in. And if you look up, you can hardly see it. Sometimes it's fun to see the meteors crash against our invisible shield and shatter into glowing pieces of debris.

The "dark side" is really the spot that isn't hit by the sun's light until an eclipse. In an eclipse, we are to go in our houses until it's safe to come out and not be hurt by the sun's harmful rays. Sometimes, during an eclpise, I can see tons of the sun's ray find their way into our house and shine very bright.

Instead of using the sun's light, we have "light birds" or more specifaclly, "linas". Linas are small birds that emit a warm, blue glow from themselves. There is about one lina in each household.

The "light side"is a forbidden place. In school, we are told that th Sun's harmful rays may burn our delicate skin. Anyone who crosses the terminator to the other side, is thrown out into space, never to be seen again. If a young child (12 and under) is caught on the other side, they are simply grounded. If you are 13 and up you are thrown into space.

Our judge has designed a "safe way" to throw a person in space.He created another semi-circle attached to our atmosphere. The circle side is on the outside and there is a door within our side. The judge opens the door and thows the person in and locks him inside. On the other side, there is a door leading into the atmosphere. The judge then presses a button and the person flys out into space. Everyone 13 and up has to go to this "execution". I wish I didn't have to see this; I hate seeing the expression on the face of the executed. They look like they wished that they haven't done what they did. But what did Charen mean she'll bring me to the other side someday? Surely it must've been a lie.
Last edited by maxlovesfang15 on Thu Dec 23, 2010 11:55 pm, edited 5 times in total.
"You must be some kind of deluded because when I look at you I see the most beautiful girl in the entire universe." -Christopher James Leming, my sweet boyfriend




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Your writing is very descriptive which I love; not too much and not too little; just enough so we can get the sense of the character. But a little advice would to make the descriptions flow better; I loved everything you wrote about the character but at times it just seemed like you were listing the features. Sometimes I find it easier to work my way up or down the body with explination.

But in the end I loved it; I can't wait to read chapter 2. :)
"BEAUTIFUL ONLY IN MY IMPERFECTIONS" Jon McLaughlin




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Hi 8D I'm here to... say stuff :o

Right now, I like it. I haven't seen stories about the moon for quite sometimes. Probably cause I haven't read a book in a long time, but that's not the point. I really felt like this should have been with the prologue instead of the first chapter. Since it just describe how she and Charen looked like and where they were... or maybe it's just me :l
Probably just me. ( I find that describing stuff would be in a prologue not in a chapter. )
I don't see any grammar or punctuation problem in here so that's good.
Overall, I am waiting for the next chapter.
BTW: MoonDoon village xD
I totally thought of Harvest Moon for some reason.
14 years have passed
And yet I'm unabled
To find a friend
For my existence is lower
Than a piece of grass.




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maxlovesfang15 wrote:Prologue(not in opal's view)
Some people don't really know where she came from. Some people thought she was from an island in the Pacific Ocean and managed to get here, in the U.S. Others thought she was a human sized,wingless fairy who was banished from her land. But I believe she's from the moon- because she told me. She crashed in my backyard about 2 years ago now, down here on Earth. She was fair skinned, with flowing, brown hair, and blue-gray eyes. She was pretty. She told me about her village-and yes, it was on the moon.

Chapter 1
Opal's view


"Charen," I said, "Aren't there others like us? Are we alone in our world?" Charen turned from organizing the books to look at me. She put some of her dirty blond hair away from her face. She sighed, "Maybe, Opal. But maybe on the other side there are more like you and me and someday I might take you there." She smiled, looked at me with her pale green eyes and asked, "How about that?" I smiled back and nodded, even when I noticed the look of doubt on her face. 'But how can we?' I thought to myself.



Charen has taken care of me since my parents got killed in an accident. I don't really remember my own parents, though. I know that there names' (I might be wrong with that one) are Mary and George. We, the people in my village, don't have last names. Us girls use our father's names as last names and when we get married, we use our husband's name.



Charen always says I remind her of my mother so much. I have a picture and I guess it's true. When I look at my mother's picture, I see gray eyes, flowing brown hair, and fair skin. And when I look in the mirror, I see the same exact thing...Except a 13-year old version.



My father is totally different. The only thing I have related to him is that I have a blue tinge in my gray eyes. He has blond hair and almost pale skin.



My parents are believed to have disappeared in an accident after my 1st birthday. Since then, they have been proclaimed dead. Charen was our housekeeper back then too. But she doesn't like to talk about my parents or the accident for that matter.



Charen told me my mother named me Opal because that was her favorite gem and I was her favorite little girl...really her only little girl. I have long, flowing brown hair, (You've also already stated she looked like this. No need of re saying the description) and blue-gray eyes. I'm 13 years old and I live on the Moon in MoonDoon village.

*sips the rest of the hot coco and gets ready to review* Hey again, Maxlovesfang 15. I'm here to review!
I have to say, you did pretty well. You grammar was good, your spelling seemed alright, and you punctuated fairly well.
So... you had what I'm guessing is a girl before the first chapter talking about Opal. I'm also guessing she comes around in the story late. I'm still learning grammar and that stuff myself. So, With that being said, I probably didn't catch any other errors. I hope someone comes along to find them. That's all my little nuggets of wisdom... I liked this. I hope you get the second chapter soon.
~Ladypurple
Last edited by LadyPurple on Sun Dec 19, 2010 5:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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to melcally, roal, and ladypurple: Thanks for the comments!
to roal: About the MoonDoon village thing,hehe. Um, yeah, some of my friends thinks it's kind of XD so yeah. But I'll just keep it that way. But do you have a name suggestion for a business city, mostly with jobs that do with the law?
to Ladypurple: Hey how did you guess?! *looks around with sneaky eyes* lol! Yes it's kind of like that. You were right. Shucks. -_- lol!
to Melcally: Thanks about complementing about my descriptiveness..hmm maybe I should fix the stuff.
To everyone and anyone: I'll try to post the 2nd chapter soon.
"You must be some kind of deluded because when I look at you I see the most beautiful girl in the entire universe." -Christopher James Leming, my sweet boyfriend




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thanks everyone for the likes!
"You must be some kind of deluded because when I look at you I see the most beautiful girl in the entire universe." -Christopher James Leming, my sweet boyfriend




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Other than a handful of spelling mistakes (which we all have, don't worry) I think this is an awsome beginning! :D
'Evil exists in all of us Torak. Some fight it. Some feed it. That is how it has always been.'

"There is always a choice," said Torak, and he backed off the cliff.




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thanks Renn!
Man! I was a feature work one second and th enext out. -_-
"You must be some kind of deluded because when I look at you I see the most beautiful girl in the entire universe." -Christopher James Leming, my sweet boyfriend



The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names.
— Chinese proverb