deleted for now.

will return one day.

Amazing. I absolutely loved reading it and I added it to a word doc I have on the best poems. It turned out amazing, and I can't stop reading it. To me, there is nothing wrong with this. I have made a video to it and this is pretty much one of the best poems I've read. ♥allikat98♥

May I start by saying that this poem was good. It is slightly disorganized with punctuation and grammar mistakes, but the visualization you seemed to have used is refreshing. However, too much nonsensical sentences in a poem can really ruin it and I cannot really find this poem making sense at any point. You definitely have a wide imagination. Below are some corrections I would make to the poem (highlighted in red).

silented1 wrote:The ceilings' corner is the Sun,
A faded gold of thought,
where plaster rainbows melt
Into the night.

Like a meteor shower
around a lamp coughing sparks
on the floor, where chords of flame
Run to find an outlet. <----This stanza makes the least amount of sense, rethink it please.

As the walls drop dead,
the fire's voice is cracking wood,
Screaming into the ceiling
that comes crashing down.

The rest of the poem is pretty much the same, it's quite hard to follow and trust me I tried (I was intrigued to follow). I hope you keep writing, and if you need anything let me know.

Nitpick!

down to every last experiance. <-- "experiance" should be "experience"!

And yeah. Generally I liked it and all that jazz. For the critique, I present to you this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MoHPAY6ap-Q

Hope that helps! If you have any questions, feel free to bug me!

I like the way the poem starts now... much catchier. However, if you want this to be consistent, you have to rewrite the rest of the poem to fit the new beginning.

...which is actually what I have to do with my novel, lol. But hey! Whatever works, right?

I warned you this would be a little different as a review coming from me. Instead of doing what I usually do, I'm going to just edit it willy nilly. And then you can see the difference. It's not a bad thing. But you're poem is very different from what I usually review/read so I'm trying to take a different approach to reviewing this.

The report states: Electrical fire;
started in the youngest's room;
A body on the floor muttered:

A lamp fell,
coughing sparks on the floor,
where cords of flame
stream to find an outlet.

As the walls tumble away,
the fire's voice is breaking planks,
screaming up into the rafter
that came crashing down at him.

Memories like the tips
of frayed wires
peel themselves back,
baring every singular experience.

They capture every dream in their parts,
melting them to the screen
that mocks every mistake
they have displayed:

The news report reads:
Youngest toils away at late at night,
tortured by the memory of his house
burning down.

He will not heal
without the peace of his dreams.

Okay, there's a lot of pink up there. But not all of it is necessary. The thing is, well, this is very vague. Something like this really deserves more bulk. You have a nice set up here, putting the poem inside of the report. But it lacks the feeling of real horror I think.

And I found myself wondering if this was a police report in the beginning but it then starts to sound very news ish. I'm not sure. It could very well be a doctors/psychiatrist report. I can't be sure. This could go for some more exploration more than anything else. Dip into the emotion a little further. That's what this needs most of all. It's too bare right now I think.

Any questions, you know where to find me.