Some help with my plot

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Gender Male
Points 1877
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Hi all, I'm basically looking for tips on the plot of my story:
topic73145.html
Stuff that doesn't fit, or that I missed but you think should be there, any comment is welcome! =P




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Gender Other
Points 89625
Reviews 1272
Hey Boss. :)

If I'm understanding correctly, you're asking for a review in Writing Tips. You can very easily ask for plot help in an author's note at the end of your piece. Or, if you want guaranteed reviews, ask people on their will review for food threads.

A post in Writing Tips should be a bit more general so others can benefit from it. If you come up with a general question, let me know.

Because this is just asking for reviews in a general manner, this is locked. :)

~Rosey
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.



Teach a man to fish, he eats for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, you eat for a day. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.
— Ron Swanson (Parks and Rec)