"Writing Challange 2/6": Shh

Short and simple, delicate and sweet.
Probably not that good anyway.

Shh

Shh, Shh
Silence flows
Silence grows

Shh, Shh
Memories
Eternities

As I sit I come to wonder,
Is my life broken asunder?

Golden silence, artist’s joy
With reality I toy:

Was it meant? Is it done?
What’ll be the end of the run?

Shh, Shh
As eternity sits
And eyebrows knit

Shh, Shh
Puzzle pieces come undone
Let life and myself become one!

Awesome poem . There's something about it I really like. However, the lines "with reality I toy" and "what'll be the end of the run sound a bit odd. The message behind them is good, but the way they are worded makes them sound a bit naive.

You don't see the word 'asunder' very often. I liked that you had that in there

The exclamation mark ruins the quiet shushing of the poem, but otherwise, nice! I too like the word "asunder." We should use that word more. Asunder, asunder... *wanders off*

That great, what was the challange again.

this was...okay. sort of rap-like. i don't have much to say on this, and for that I apologize.

I hate to be repititive but yeah I like the word 'asunder' too. I like this!! It's really nice and sweet. And yeah, I'm really bad at criticizing poetry...so I'm afraid I don't have constructive criticism. But I really like it.