Silence

Hola! This is a poem about silence and secret feelings! Hope you like it!

Silence, you hide more than words
Silence, you got me hanging, holding by a rope
Silence, stay there, stop threatening me
Silence, I hate you, but I need you with me
Silence, you help me in a torturing way
Silence, you hurt me, but just stay the same

Silence is hiding a secret with me
Someday I might kill it and reveal what I feel

Can you put periods at the end of your sentences please. It's bothering me.

ELLO!
I had a problem understanding this poem.
Basically it is about a person telling about a secret feeling.
Though I am not sure that is what it means.

This is interesting. As the other review said, punctuation should be added. I don't really understand it either, but maybe that's your goal with secret feelings and such. Either way, it was very well thought out. Keep writing!!!

I like the gist of the poem, it basically seems to me like a story of a person who is hiding feelings. But one thing that doesn't quite fit is the way you've arranged this poem. I understand that putting "silence" before each line is all for style points, but it kinda doesn't work with some of the lines. I am left with the question on whether you are talking to someone and telling them to be quite, or whether or not the silence is actually who you are talking to and you are addressing it/him. Try making the poem a little clearer.

Very emotional and moving. Here is my promised review!

Solvalery wrote:
Silence, you hide more than words.
Silence, you got me hanging, holding by a rope.
Silence, stay there, stop threatening me.
Silence, I hate you, but I need you with me. <<- LOVE THIS!!!
Silence, you help me in a torturing way.
Silence, you hurt me, but just stay the same.

Silence is hiding a secret with me. A bit confusing here.
Someday I might kill it and reveal what I feel. But you just said that you hate it and need it. You already told us how you feel.

Hope i could help!

I love this poem. I love the message your trying to convey. It's about a person hiding in silence, because they are scared to speak. It was very confusing though. I wasn't sure if you were trying to tell a story or teach a lesson. Maybe you could work on the organization of your poem, a bit more. Overall it was pretty good. I hope I helped.

The use of repetition is widely used in poems and works rather well. In this case it does not. You have some pretty good lines that deflect the "hollowness" of the poem. "Silence is hiding a secret with me", I understand this line very well and it is my favorite, solely on the fact is is you saying that I must not tell, but I would suggest a little more word play to convey your point. I understand you must really enjoy this poem and you think it captures your meaning and what you want your reader to feel. If this is the case then leave it exactly the way it is. Changing it may take away the personal meaning, but from a writer's perspective it is a little off and I would say go back at it and try once more.

Thank you for the poem, check out my works if you have the time!

I do like this, I used to say to myself "I need some silence." Then at other times I hated all the silence. I understand what your poem is trying to say and I love that. I think everyone has felt this way before. I dont like the word "hate"(: haha, it sounds too... Idk you need some more description in here I think. Something to describe when the silence occurs for you or when you "dislike" or "need" it. This poem could be a lot longer(:. I like the way you wrote it besides that and I love it's message(:! Good job girly!!!

Thanks!

Personally, I don't like it.
The repetition is... odd. I think I'd like it more if there were to be a rhyming theme to it.
The poem is, well, bland. There's nothing that hooks the reader in, and none of it really makes sense.
Maybe the problem is I don't understand what you're trying to convey... But. Yeah, I don't like it.

Kiicoh wrote:Personally, I don't like it.
The repetition is... odd. I think I'd like it more if there were to be a rhyming theme to it.
The poem is, well, bland. There's nothing that hooks the reader in, and none of it really makes sense.
Maybe the problem is I don't understand what you're trying to convey... But. Yeah, I don't like it.

Uh, thanks for the honest opinion! I personally like it, that's why I wrote it that way! Odd for me is good, poems don't have to rhyme! Indeed, the poem is bland, but it means a lot to me! (Don't worry, I'm insane) hahahahahahaha But that's okay, there are more poems in the forums and if you don't like what you see there, sit on the sofa and say 'Man, I can really write something better', then grab a pencil and let the magic begin! But Thanks, girl! See you around!

Hey, wasabey!! Another poem of yours got featured again! You're awesome! XD

By the way, the poem is nice. There were some parts that sounded a little bit confusing but the others have already pointed it out and I actually read the poem too fast to catch those points. lol

I just love your poems! (Why do I keep putting my username at the end of my comments?? lol)
- Whisperer -

Whisperer wrote:Hey, wasabey!! Another poem of yours got featured again! You're awesome! XD

By the way, the poem is nice. There were some parts that sounded a little bit confusing but the others have already pointed it out and I actually read the poem too fast to catch those points. lol

I just love your poems! (Why do I keep putting my username at the end of my comments?? lol)
- Whisperer -

Oh hi, mah friend! Yeah, I don't think this poem deserves to be featured, and I have no idea how it got 11 'likes'! But anyways, yeah it is confusing, just how I was feeling when I wrote it! xD lol Thanks for always being there, buddy! And Why do you keep putting your username at the end of your comments? Cause your cool, dude, only cool people do that! xD
- Sol -

Wow... this poem sucks. No offence, Sol. xDDDDD