If I Must Die

If I must die, then let me die
Soaring upward toward the sky;
And at the zenith of my flight,
Cross from darkness into light.

If I must go, then let me go
In the gentle hush of falling snow,
Kissed by winter's subtle chill,
Becoming silence, soft and still.

If I must pass, then let me pass
In a field of whispering grass,
When harvest time has just begun,
And fade into the golden sun.

If I must end, then let me end
With my face turned toward the wild wind,
Asleep in the arms of the lonely sea;
And so let me enter eternity.

This was a really good poem I only have one suggestion.

When harvest time has just begun,
I fade into the golden sun.

I didn't think the "and" worked here very well so I changed it to an "I". You don't have to change it I just thought I would show you this.

Well, I just want to say that I found this simply beautiful... I just loved it...

The only thing I have to say is that the "wild" in the last stanza makes the flow there kind off akward...

Wonderful poem!! Simply delightful!

~Rain~

(I know I spelled "Akward wrong.. Sorry, I suck at spelling...)

Hey there! All I can say is 'Wow!' This poem was brilliant. It had very nice flow to it and the emotions are easily felt. Keep up the great writing!
~Luxy

I love it! The only thing I can say is that I'd love to know a bit more about the context of this; is it written from the perspective of an elderly person? Some dying of a disease? Someone dying for a cause/ in war? Someone just contemplating death? Someone suicidal?

I think that if you included this, it would make the reader relate more to the poem and it would be even more powerful.

Keep writing!

This was a pleasure to read. I didn't care about the intended context because I created my own. I could pick at it and find tiny little things that you could change but I don't see the need when, while reading, there was nothing that distracted me.

Good job. Really good! I thought you should know that.

BeckFletch. xx

I really liked this. The imagery was simple but effective and it had a nice flow. I also liked you didn't over use "If i must die," and instead used different words to imply the same thing.

Keep writing!

Jasmine.

There are a lot of poems on YWS where repetition and rhyme become silly, cheesy, or lessen the impact of the piece. Not here. You are certainly in control of those aspects, and use them very well. My favorite verse is the second one. It feels very effortless.

Honestly, I don't have many criticisms here. I liked it, a lot. Your imagery is slight and simple, not overworked and exhausting. My one piece of advice is to watch your syllables--even lines that don't look long can feel long if the syllable count is too high.

This is really good. I don't have much to say that others haven't, so...good job!!!! Keep writing!

Warrior Princess wrote:If I must die, then let me die
Soaring upward toward the sky;
And at the zenith of my flight,
Cross from darkness into light.

If I must go, then let me go
In the gentle hush of falling snow,
Kissed by winter's subtle chill,
Becoming silence, soft and still.

If I must pass, then let me pass
In a field of whispering grass,
When harvest time has just begun,
And fade into the golden sun.

If I must end, then let me end
With my face turned toward the wild wind,

the syllable count isn't balanced. so get rid of 'Turned' its better without it.

Asleep in the arms of the lonely sea;
And so let me enter eternity.

WOW. This was incrediblyyyy good. Insane writing chops you have. I have no other criticism. Amazing job. Beautiful words and imagery

Hi I don't really have any criticism, the poem is simple and the idea behind it is good.
Keep it up

This is very well done. I'm impressed at how well-rounded everything is and you have talent at using words in a flowing fashion. I'd like to point out three spots where your flow is somewhat interrupted---now I'm not much of a poet so please don't take my advise critically, their just suggestions:

The first four lines are very finely put together and are very "pretty" as I'd like to put it. Very attractive for a start.

The next four are very good and the rhythm of the words of very clear. The one line,

...Becoming silence, soft and still.

is somewhat awkward in the sense that it has many "s" sounds and does not roll off the tongue in the last three words. This is very good for contrast, but either needs to better "interrupt" the flow by making it more noticeable. If not that, I suggest that

Becoming silent, soft and still.

might work better, though this can change the meaning of the sentence, so making it flow completely would be difficult as well.

The next four are the same case as above, but the change in flow is much more apparent in the last two lines,

...When harvest time has just begun, And fade into the golden sun.

The third line has a longer structure which is good contrast, but the fourth line could use a more clear meaning if you are using the third as contrast, that way the reader does not get lost in the changing flow of the poem.

The next four are my favourite. The first line pulls shivers down my spine and the symmetry of the poem comes together quite nicely. The first line is very predictable, but that is what the reader wants. Do not change it. You poem has beautiful flow to it, and the change in flow is unpredicted, which is exciting, but the symmetry that you use reoccurring unifies the piece. This is good, but would be best utilized if you made a bit more change of flow, or contrast, in the poem to catch the reader's attention. I don't know if you did this on purpose, but the last three lines are amazing in contrast and unity.

...With my face turned toward the wild wind, Asleep in the arms of the lonely sea; And so let me enter eternity.

The second and third lines work well in unity for rhythm because of their length. And

...wild wind,

and

...enter eternity.

ties the last part of the poem together in a very beautiful way. I adore the last four lines: there's symmetry, there's ties of unity crisscrossing with a few lines and contrast in the middle, making the ending have an easy feeling on the reader that causes for an effect closing.

If I must go, then let me go
In the gentle hush of falling snow,
Kissed by winter's subtle chill,
Becoming silence, soft and still.

Loved that part .
I loved this whole poem !
Keep writing

-Foreveralone*

As other people have stated it's a wonderful poem, and I find no grammatical errors to nit pick about.
Beautiful poem with beautiful words.

This is a great poem has a great meaning and makes you think about life. I am not good at reviewing mistakes in the poems but i really liked the feeling of the poem so, its very nicely written and was very good to read.

keep up the good work