Trapped in a room without windows or a single door, the walls are made of mirrors and blood covers the floor. The ceiling displays our black, crying souls.
In a bed among bloody sheets and bleeding hearts, we try to link our numb bodies together to whole parts. But our souls reject each other just like electrons.
During long, silent and tormenting days, my eyes rest on your crying face. If I could only touch you…
But the crowd is like the eyes of hawk, We can’t kiss, we can’t hug, we can’t even talk. My soul is getting deeper and darker.
During every short, lovely night, I cling to you hard and you hold me tight. I can finally touch you…
Our lips meets and we share a love full of passion, I damn the world for not showing compassion. Because I know that this kiss will soon end.
We’re locked inside this room where we are isolated, But if someone finds the key, our love will be violated. Just because we shared that forbidden apple.
Last edited by Demoness on Sat Jul 30, 2011 2:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Some say the world will end in fire; Some say in ice. From what I've tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire. But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate To say that for destruction ice Is also great And would suffice." - Robert Frost
This is a good poem. I like the whole idea you've got going here. Although, with a rhyming poem, you run the rick of making your lines sound forced. I feel like some of the lines in this peom just didn't fit.
I damn the world for not showing compassion
This quote sounds like it's just there. It doesn't really make me feel anything.
But if someone finds the key, our love will be violated
I don't think violated would be the right word to use here. I understand that it's supposed to rhyme with isolated, but it just sounds forced, again.
What I've always been told is that a non-rhyming poem is always better than a rhyming poem. But this poem is definatly better than most rhyming poems I've read. Keep writing!
Noelle is the name, reviewing and writing cliffhangers is the game.
Writer of fantasy, action/adventure, and magic. Huzzah!
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"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done." -- Steven Wright
This poem is amazing. You don't read things like this everyday. You are a really talented writer. I love how discriptive and how your words flow so smoothly. It's very beautiful, I will be following you now haha (I aint a stalker)
"Some say the world will end in fire; Some say in ice. From what I've tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire. But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate To say that for destruction ice Is also great And would suffice." - Robert Frost
More poetry of yours! In case you hadn't noticed, I'm back! I'm not on a reviewing rampage this time around though, just taking it easy This is much better than the first piece I saw by you, and I think all the nitpicks have been pointed out. I liked the concept and ideas behind this so well done conveying them all on paper! Your ally, Icy
