Warrior Princess wrote:Beware of the darkness, they constantly say;
Filter emotion, and fling it away.
A doctrine of silence, a blindfold of peace,
They block out the world, denying release. The last part of the line kind of confuses me. It doesn't really have anything to do with what you said before.
Encircled by walls that they've built round their mind, When you said round instead of around it kind of threw me off. it's not nessecary to fix it, but I don't know for some reason it bothers me. Generally I don't know how it would sound better, I am just ocd...
Seeing no evil has rendered them blind;
Imprisoned in happiness, living a lie,
They hide in their safety, and will 'til they die. I love these few lines.
But still I am drawn like a moth to the flame, The only comment I have on these few lines is you drop punctuation. Before you had it set up nice, but it seems more rushed without it. I don't know if you were going for that, but if not it need be fixed.
Like a ghost to the shadows from whence it came,
Like tears of the heavens that fall to the earth,
The infinite cycle of death and rebirth
That turns in my mind and burns in my heart,
Coming together and falling apart;
I live in the darkness but live for the light,
Absorbing the sunshine, embracing the night.
Other than that I loved it! Keep up the good work.
