See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Feel No Evil

Beware of the darkness, they constantly say;
Filter emotion, and fling it away.
A doctrine of silence, a blindfold of peace,
They block out the world, denying release.
Encircled by walls that they've built round their mind,
Seeing no evil has rendered them blind;
Imprisoned in happiness, living a lie,
They hide in their safety, and will 'til they die.

But still I am drawn like a moth to the flame,
Like a ghost to the shadows from whence it came,
Like tears of the heavens that fall to the earth,
The infinite cycle of death and rebirth
That turns in my mind and burns in my heart,
Coming together and falling apart;
I live in the darkness but live for the light,
Absorbing the sunshine, embracing the night.

Wow, I don't have much to say. I hate to write an unhelpful response, but there isn't much bad to be said. I loved it. :]

I'm quite speechless. It's very well-written, and sounds like you put a lot of thought into this (which is something I should learn to do with my writing). And, this is a bit of subject, but I also love your signature!

This is really an excellent poem . Like the other reviews, there is nothing much to say. The message is clear and the rhyming is epic xD. If I am to nitpick, I will have only one:

They hide in their safety, and will till they die.

- It seems informal to use 'till' here. Maybe replace it with ' 'til '?

This is the first poem I've read for quite a long time now. Epic job.

Keep writing like always.
- Whisperer -

DisturbedDisorder wrote:Wow, I don't have much to say. I hate to write an unhelpful response, but there isn't much bad to be said. I loved it. :]

I second the motion.

Very powerful poem-love it! The rhyming is exceptional

DisturbedDisorder wrote:Wow, I don't have much to say. I hate to write an unhelpful response, but there isn't much bad to be said. I loved it. :]

I agree! I would love to write something that actually helps... but there's nothing to say! This was incredible!

Kwantack wrote:I'm quite speechless. It's very well-written, and sounds like you put a lot of thought into this (which is something I should learn to do with my writing).

Also another agree! I was reading it and thinking, ".....". That's how good it was.
I absolutely adored it. The flow was incredible, the rhymes were amazing, the imagery was awesome... Props to you!

I really liked that poem. You did a really good job. Keep writing

Wow, thanks everyone! I'm glad you liked it, thanks for making it a featured work!

I love it! Really I can't think of anything much that could make it sound better! At first I was a little confused but nearing the second verse I caught on to what you were saying. Keep writing poems like these!

EPIC! I must say, this was one of the best poem i've ever read.. Am a bit jelouse... would have wanted to write it myself. So... well, I don't have anything bad or helpful to say... Just. LOVED IT, and keep writing 'cause you're apparently really good! <3

Haha, this was five types of awesome! Loved the flow, the rhyming was awesome, and the idea was stellar. So, basically, awesome work! If you want to make this poem even more awesome (it's really good as it is!) I would introduce sound into the mix... right now, you have "hear no evil" part of the title, but there really isn't any reference to sound. Just an idea.

Also? The word 'til should be till. Because till is a real word.

Awesome stuff!

Hi! Im kaka and I'm goin to review or critque your work today.
Your poem was so immense! The title caught my eye and immediatly drew me in. That is a great start.
One thing I always point out to writers is that the title is something not that you just choose randomly and hope it goes okay. A title is always one of the most important things. When you go into a bookstore,the books that catch your attention are those with a good catchy or mysterious title. I would have to add yours really topped the list.
It was imformative of what I was goin to read yet mysyterious-almost unwilling to give me any more information that it had to?!
Nice!

Now on to the actual poem!!
I really enjoyed reading through it. It's the kind of poem that puts shivers down your spine. It also had a reality built in. So many people today like to push out their problems and crisis's and wrap themselves in a blanket of happiness. I liked that about your poem. It was like it was telling a story yet pointing out a reality. Again-Nice!

Your words were fluant and easy to understand,they all held meaning and sat perfectly on the page. The layout was inviting and simple to read.
You had no grammatical errors which is always a sign of a good, I think about my work kind-of-person.

Overall I found nothing to be critical about and I thoroughly enjoyed reading your poem. I'd love to read more of your work.
Please pm and let me know if I can review anything for you.
Love and luck,
Kaka x x

Wow... that was truly amazing! I love this so much. I can't review this because it's so amazing. This is the most amazng piece on Young Writer's Society that I've rea. Keep writing.

Hey, Steph, here as requested. I wanna start by saying that I adore this piece, but I am going to try to be of help.

Warrior Princess wrote:Beware of the darkness, they constantly say;
Filter emotion, and fling it away.
A doctrine of silence, a blindfold of peace,
They block out the world, denying release. The last part of the line kind of confuses me. It doesn't really have anything to do with what you said before.
Encircled by walls that they've built round their mind, When you said round instead of around it kind of threw me off. it's not nessecary to fix it, but I don't know for some reason it bothers me. Generally I don't know how it would sound better, I am just ocd...
Seeing no evil has rendered them blind;
Imprisoned in happiness, living a lie,
They hide in their safety, and will 'til they die. I love these few lines.

But still I am drawn like a moth to the flame, The only comment I have on these few lines is you drop punctuation. Before you had it set up nice, but it seems more rushed without it. I don't know if you were going for that, but if not it need be fixed.
Like a ghost to the shadows from whence it came,
Like tears of the heavens that fall to the earth,
The infinite cycle of death and rebirth
That turns in my mind and burns in my heart,
Coming together and falling apart;
I live in the darkness but live for the light,
Absorbing the sunshine, embracing the night.

Other than that I loved it! Keep up the good work.