Life In the Eyes Of a Godless Man

I only changed two words from the original draft, which I spontaneously wrote. I was quite shocked at how these words just came out. It's very simple though.

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The artless leaf blooms in jade Spring
Grows innocently through Summer's days
But shrivels up when Autumn sings
Till in Winter's snow, it fades--away

Spoiler

people keep on telling me they liked this...why, thank you...but they forget to click the like button. LOL it's ok. thanks again!

I like I like. this was a great piece.

I like the shortness of this, I feel like it helps with the imagery and the whole concept of the poem.

I like the simplicity, but describing spring as green and winter as snowy seems a little cleshe. I really do like it though. Maybe if you thought of a few different synonyms? Also, some punctuation might be nice.

Thank you, guys, for the reviews! =D/

wow, this was beautiful.
Even though the poem was quite short you managed to get your point across to the reader.
I Love a poem that has been written about seasons.
Unlike most poems i have seen around you managed to include all seasons of the year, and write something fantastic about each one.

Well done

itsjustemilie wrote:wow, this was beautiful.
Even though the poem was quite short you managed to get your point across to the reader.
I Love a poem that has been written about seasons.
Unlike most poems i have seen around you managed to include all seasons of the year, and write something fantastic about each one.

Well done

Thank you so much, Emilie!

I just have one thing to say: this is brilliant. It's beautiful, emotive and emotional.
Definitely simple, but love can be simple, and simple can be magic.
I love it.

- GhostlyImpressions.

GhostlyImpressions wrote:I just have one thing to say: this is brilliant. It's beautiful, emotive and emotional.
Definitely simple, but love can be simple, and simple can be magic.
I love it.

- GhostlyImpressions.

Thank you so much everyone! Thanks for the likes. )

Hello!!

Well, I really like this. I think the best thing you can do though is make it longer. Two or three stanza's more will make this so great.

The artless leaf blooms in jade Spring << So, I think that you could take out "the" and just change "leaf" to "leaves"... I think it might sound better. But that is just me...
Grows innocently through Summer's days
But shrivels up when Autumn sings
Till in Winter's snow, it fades--away << When I read this, it made me pause, whith takes away from the poem, I think you should omit this...

The first comment is just a suggestion, only change if you agree. Poetry is what the writer feels, what the writer trys to portray to the readers.

The second I think you should really consider...

Hope this helped,

~Rain~

That was really good. It was sort of applying the human race to the seasons of leaves. Well, that's how I saw it anyway. Really good though. Keep doing spontaneous writing, it's good! =]

That was a really good poem. I normally don't care for really short poems but I really liked this. It short, sweet, and to the point. You did a great job Keep writing. You rock!

~Dannielle~

(Could you look at one of my poems please? Thank you.)

Hey, guys! Thanks so much for the reviews! XD

jashbagabaldo wrote:I only changed two words from the original draft, which I spontaneously wrote. I was quite shocked at how these words just came out. It's very simple though.

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The artless leaf blooms in jade Spring
Grows innocently through Summer's days
But shrivels up when Autumn sings
Till in Winter's snow, it fades--away

JASHY!! this is amazing, the most beautiful description I have read in ages!!! Amazing, outstanding, beauteous, breathtaking!!! What else!! xD Perfectly written ^^

i really wish this had more to it!