Locked away

This is a really old poem, not sure if I should change it or not...

Rain drops
there falling
I can hear them

Oh, I wish I could see them

But I can’t
I’m trapped inside these white walls
with no way out

But I can hear the rain

Oh, I wish I could run in it
and be free once more
but I can’t

I can’t leave this room

There’s to much pain and sorrow
and I got tired of it all
so now I’m locked away

Longing for the rain

I liked it. The only part I had a problem with was "I can't leave this room." I don't know why but I feel it kind of pulled away from the mystery of it. Thats just me though, and i'm kinda weird

SilentRain wrote:This is a really old poem, not sure if I should change it or not...

Rain drops
there#FF0080 ">they're falling
I can hear them

Oh, I wish I could see them

But I can’t
I’m trapped inside these white walls
with no way out

But I can hear the rain

Oh, I wish I could run in it
and be free once more
but I can’t

I can’t leave this room

There’s to#FF0080 ">o much pain and sorrow
and I got tired of it all #FF0040 ">This stanza is quite confusing.
so now I’m locked away

Longing for the rain

Every time I see a poem by "SilentRain" I open it. Haha! too bad I don't visit this forum much. Anyway, I can see only two typos which I highlighted pink. I really like your poems, SR; but this one honestly isn't that good. There's something that it lacks, and I just can't pinpoint it. But you did say it is an old one, so evidently, you're getting better and better with your poetry. I'd like to see how you'd update this. For me, yeah, I think you should change it.

it is a good poem i like it.