Execution

5 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6817
Reviews 74
(One of my longer flash fiction pieces! Rated +12 for reasons you can most likely conclude from the title.)
Hope you like it! :D -Jane
-Also, sorry about the spacing. My computer is acting up. :/


Ann Moseley stood on the edge of the stage in the middle of McKinley Park, frozen in fear as the crowd of thousands booed at her relentlessly. If it wasn’t for the two Ohio state troopers surrounding her, making sure she kept her arms bound, she would have been hit by the rocks and tomatoes that had circled around the troopers’ feet.

She could barely think, much less process what was going to happen in the next two minutes. Much like her body, her brain couldn’t thaw unless someone could save her.

She was far from saving.

Adams County court judge Jack Tuttler approached the podium at the front of the stage. Clearing his throat and looking solemnly into the audience, his arms straight as a board, he exhaled slowly.

“The state of Ohio has decided to execute thirty-two year old Ann Moseley today after being convicted of mass murder, manslaughter, and selling illegal drugs on the black market. After twenty-seven years since our last execution, the state is convinced that Ms Moseley should be put to death. Let it be known to all that those who follow her lead shall suffer a similar fate.”

A chunky wad of spit and mucus slid down Ann’s throat, and for a moment, she could not breathe.

Mr. Tuttler motioned for the troopers to bring her to the platform. Her heart was beating so furiously that she was sure it would burst. Not that it mattered, she thought. Her heart was going to stop anyways.

As she was escorted to the platform, she saw a familiar face from the corner of her eye. Anger swelled inside of her as she scowled at the scruffy face, the man who was truly to blame for all she had “done.”

She wasn’t assumed to be “mentally sound”! During the trials, no one believed her! Not even her husband, who was now estranged.

Ann’s mind was surely working, thinking of things she should’ve done, things she could’ve said differently. Scruffy face deserved the punishment, not her.

She tugged at the rope tied around her wrists and more policemen jumped on the stage, trying to keep her under control. She pushed against them; consumed in soul-sucking fury.

Quickly, two different policemen slid the coarse rope around her neck and loaded her onto the plank. Camera crews let the world watch from below and worried parents covered their frightened children’s eyes.

Ann looked towards the sky as the rope was secured around her neck. She let out a horrifying, high-pitched, terrifying, blood-curdling scream.

The police were eager to get this over and done with. In quick, loping motions, they did what they were instructed to.

Immediately, Ann Moseley was no more.
Apple of my soul,
Eats me whole,
Take one bite,
No delight,
Rotting hole.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1030
Reviews 1260
Hi,

So this piece didn't really make feel anything. It didn't because I didn't really feel anything for your character, seeing as how you don't really develop her well. Alright, so she's a convict in prison who's about to executed for her crimes. And maybe she feels a little remorse. But is that only because she got caught and doesn't want to die, or because she truly feels sorry for her crimes? I can't really tell because you don't give us a clear lead at all, really.

She seems like a good person, so what could have driven her to commit such crimes? Does she think back to her "stepping stones" that led her to committing them? What did, or at least what does she think caused her to commit them? I would also describe the extent of her crimes, both from her perspective and the perspective of the outsiders. Why were her crimes so bad that they decided to get rid of the death penalty?

Overall, it seems like you've just provided a picture. We know what is going on, but we're left to imagine so much. Why is whatever is happening, well happening? Who are the people in the picture? What are they like. I realize this is flash fiction, but I still think that there is room for more development.

Hope this helps. Send me a PM if you have any questions.

-Elinor x

All our dreams can come true — if we have the courage to pursue them.

-- Walt Disney




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6817
Reviews 74
The thing about this story is that it's flash fiction, so it isn't supposed to be really developed. You kinda have to guess about things that happen before/after the story. The point, I think, is to convey a great, but really short, captivating story.
Apple of my soul,
Eats me whole,
Take one bite,
No delight,
Rotting hole.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6817
Reviews 74
Maybe this could get another review?!? Pretty please?!? :)
Apple of my soul,
Eats me whole,
Take one bite,
No delight,
Rotting hole.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6817
Reviews 74
I know this looks a little desperate, but I can I have another review?
Apple of my soul,
Eats me whole,
Take one bite,
No delight,
Rotting hole.



I hope everyone's safe and sound and has some potatoes in the pantry.
— Arcticus