Poem That Got Me a Date to Homecoming

Girl was one of them cute nerd types, so I appealed to her sensibilities.

Your eyes are a miasma
Of effervescent plasma
The sun is a mass
Of incandescent gas
That shines as bright as you.

I love you the end.

That was cute. But the girl must have been a really big nerd. But I'm not one to be talking because all my friends are nerds. I'm a nerd but without the smartness. I hope she liked it. But I guess she did since you said it got you a date to homecoming.

Did you add the end to the poem or just to YWS? Because it really doesn't fit in with the rest of the poem. It's kind of like you just put it there because you were bored. Or was it supposed to be a little side note to the actual poem? Other than that I thought it was great. You used great words and everything rymed, something that I always fail to do whenever I try to write peoms.

This is one of the funniest poems I've read to date. However, it wouldn't make me go out with anyone, the girl really must have been a nerd. As stargazer9927 said, the last line really doesn't fit in. I hope it was just something you added for YWS. Keep Writing!

TIGERSPRITE

It doesn't seem like much, I know, but it's all about the delivery.

And the last bit a friend typed in last second because he thought none of you would know what I was talking about.
He doesn't give us forum-roaming folk enough credit.

That's kinda cute. If a guy said that to me I'd just stare at him then say: "And.... That means.....?"

Wang Chung wrote: And the last bit a friend typed in last second because he thought none of you would know what I was talking about.
He doesn't give us forum-roaming folk enough credit.

Thanks for explaining that.
~Ladypurple

Aww, this is very cute! I love the rhyming scheme - I love how you go AA,BB and then the last line doesn't rhyme with anything at all. For some reason, it makes it sound really good! And it flows well and the rhyming isn't forced. It just sounds very natural. Nice job!

Wow, I didn't understand it at all, lol. But since it must make sense to her then it's cute. Short, simple, and to the point. Keep writing.

-iheartbooks

Haha, I love that album, "Here Comes Science!" And then, you used that in a personalized poem invitation? Awesome! Were I your age, I would probably go out with you too, lol. Mind you, if you think about it, you're calling your future date a gas-bag but... at least you're calling her a nerdy gas-bag.

Good luck with homecoming!

Hi! Pink here

So I've read this before and I think it was sweet and short. I mean, I wish a guy wrote me a poem haha.
I think what you did is great, the poem itself is nice but I think you still could have made it a little longer, lol. Anyways, it's super cute and I hope you have fun!
Best of luck,

~Shear

Hi there!

Maybe this makes me really nerdy, (I prefer the term geek! I mean, rather than taping my glasses when they broke, I had a guy friend teach me how to solder them) but I don't know why she thought her eyes being compared to a miasma was very nice...since you know, miasma is noxious exhalations from organic matter...but if that's what she's into, then good for you! Other than that, the other parts were cute.

--Sporks

The cuteness.. it.. overwhelms me....
YES I'LL GO TO HOMECOMING WITH YOU!!!

Wait... not for me... sorry about that

I like that it's short, sweet, with a charming beet. I hope you presented it via an ipad or something real "techy"!

P.S. I looked up "miasma" and I'm not sure the denotation is as close to the connotation you intended... in other words it's more of an insult than a flattery.

Will you marry me?