Love

This was cute, I liked it. It was down to the point, the whole poem though did seem to lack something important. I get the idea of love, but I felt like you could have put more into this.

BlackDahlia wrote:

“Hold me,
Don’t let me go,
Kiss me,
Crave me,
Want me,
Need me,
Because all I want is you,
All I need is you,
I want to hold you,
Never let you go,
Kiss you,
Crave you,
I want you,
I need you.”

This could use a bit more work, overall I like it. Keep up the good work.

Well, it is a good poem, maybe go more into it, what do you love, their eyes? their hair? Their smile? stuff like that...

<Kiss me,
Crave me,
Want me,
Need me,>I like this part... It would make a good chores if you made it longer...

“Hold me,
Don’t let me go,
I would add more here, some kind of imagrey or metaphor or similie to make it more intresting...

Kiss me,
Crave me,
Want me,
Need me,

Because all I want is you,
All I need is you,
I want to hold you,
Never let you go,

Kiss you,
Crave you,
I want you,
I need you.”

This is good, kinda short and with out any imagray what so ever, maybe add some. Add more to the story, all we know is that you are in love and that you want to hold them, never let go, but we don't know why... leave it alone or add to, your choice...

~Rain~

Hi BlackDahlia, normally I hate poems on love of 3 reasons
1) They are dramatically over emotional
2) They are way too long and get boring
3) They lack purpose and jummble on too much
All these things together in a love poem make me hate it but I liked yours.

Your poem was quite emotional and dramatic but it was very short which countered that perfectly! Also I found it was very too the point. Maybe some of the more powerful points need to be expanded upon but otherwise there is not much fault.

For me, (not for everyone) this is a good love poem because it is powerful, short, sharp and great! Needs to be expanded (if it is good I don’t mind it being longer). Other wise good work.

Thanx,
watchmeburn

Hi BlackDahlia!

First of all, you don't need to have the quotes... really! The neat thing about poetry is that narrations don't really need quotes. It's rather different from fiction!

Now, this poem seemed like something a character would say in a romance story, but it looks like you broke it up and made it look like a poem. Which is fine! But I think, for the purpose of this poem, that you might want to flesh it out a bit and make us really immersed in the whole sensuality of this scene.

Also, you should probably write romance stories. You seem to have a knack for them.