The Pink Pill.

Standing outside the nightclub at 11:30 was defiantly definitely scary for a nineteen year old who really in a way should not be here at 11:30 at night. My dress ended a fair way up from my knees, giving me the chills and my legs had gained goosebumps. The dress also had no straps on it, so it wasn’t very supportive in the area in which did need support. The designing of this dress was stunning, and so it should be because it costs my mum a lot of money to get as a graduation present. Black lace trimmed the edges of the dress and outlined my body in a way that was really inappropriate, but really who cared. Red beads had been carefully shown sewn in this dress and really gave the outfit edge. They glistened under the hovering lights that zoomed around the street in which the nightclub was located.
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I was second in line, but that changed to first as the group of slutty, blonde haired bimbos got ushered into the club by a slightly caramel skinned guy. As I got closer, I noticed he was hot, defiantly definitely someone I went after. He protruded intruded upon my thoughts about him by asking me a very basic question, “how old are you” how old I was. His voice was strong and manly, I nearly drooled, but instead of embarrassing myself even more, I just went into my bag, pulled open my purse and flashed him the recently earned drivers’ license. To my disappointment, he just nodded and gestured me into the club. As I was walking up the stairs, I thought to myself ‘I’m going to have fun. Starting university next week will not be bad, so just relax Rebekah, just relax.’

Once inside it all was amazing. Gazing around, I had noticed a lot of things. Around you me the nightclub was sparkling with life, lights mazed the place making it buzz with a different colour every second and you I, after a while of focusing on only the lights, got a headache. People in the centre danced like lunatics to music that these days is considered ‘cool.’The music was played from by the a DJ, located right off centre in the club and the guy who was controlling the music tonight was looked like a total freak. Turning away from the freak,
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I spotted the bar, and slipped past all the dancers. Once I had seated myself, I searched the back of the bar, but only saw a heap of alcohol. Suddenly out of nowhere the bar tender popped up, scaring half the life out of me. He winked at me before asking, “What can I get a beautiful young lady like you?”

I replied,“Just a pineapple martini, thanks,” and flashed him my award winning smile, and almost instantly he was rushing to make my order.
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I turned on my seat and scanned the crowd. only briefly and almost immediately I picked out a weird kind of guy that had covered his face, completely. He wasn’t facing me at first, but then his head snapped around and my vision focused on his dark eyes. It was like he expected me to know who he was and what…he was hiding. I snapped out of his gaze and changed my mind to something else. I moved my arm and nearly knocked over my martini that had been sitting there while I sat and stared at one guy, how pathetic. Finding the right guy was actually hard at these places and extremely rare as well. Scanning the area I did notice there were three kinds of guys at this particular night club tonight. Firstly, you had the try hards, which were last on my list. These guys are extremely unattractive and do not scare points with the ladies, even though they are super duper nice. Next up were the ‘Middle Guys’ who were my choice. Mmmmm, I thought to myself as I saw a Middle Guy dancing on the dance floor. Lastly, we have the complete jerks, who consequently have all the looks with them, but that is what helps them score because deep down, they are disgusting jerks. Male society was very hard to understand, but I seriously still believe that they have no trace of any brain in their tiny head. Still searching, I noticed the guy I had caught watching me, was still watching me. I freaked, grabbed my purse, gulped down my martini, but as I was about to get up and leave,

I felt a hand tap me on the shoulder. My thoughts ran wild as I prayed to myself that it wasn’t the guy I had just been looking at, but I still I turned my head. Surprisingly enough when I turned, my heart didn’t drop due to fear, it actually dropped because the guy right in front of me was melting it. Amazing enough, it was the Middle Guy I was kind of perving at earlier. He was tall, like god-like tall, and I could even smell him. Oh-mi-god! And those eyes gazed at me and I was transfixed within them, like hypnotized, they were that bloody nice. My senses were tingling and continued to tingle when he spoke to me, in a deep, seductive voice. “Hey. You want to dance with me?”

“Yeah, sure.” My answer sounded flirty, and I was defiantly meaning for it to be. He winked and held out his hand to indicate an open gesture. I quickly turned towards the bar, and banged the bench. The bar tender came up and leant on the bench.

“What can I do for you, another martini?” I shook my head and moved my purse forward.

“Could you mind this while I dance?”

“Yeah sure, just let me know when you need it back.”

With this reply, I took the Middle Guy’s hand and let him lead me out onto the dance floor. Once out on the floor the music carried me away. I just dropped all the worries’ about next week and let this flow take me and make me a woman. My body responded with his and we were soon in sync.
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After what seemed like hours, he led me off the dance floor and went to get us both a drink. I watched me as he went and really thought how great of a guy he was, I thought maybe there was a future. I looked up to see where he was, so maybe I could go with him, but my path and vision was blocked by something dark. That man, that had been watching me while I was at the bar, had wedged me between the wall and himself. As much as I wanted to scream, I couldn’t, nothing could escape my mouth. He stood there looking at me, kind of weirdly too, but unpredictably shoved something into her hands. She looked down to see a bad full of pink pills, she glanced up, about to say that she really didn’t want to take these, and that she wanted him to leave her alone and let her have fun, but he cut in.

“They’ll help with the pain, trust me.” The smile that had followed that gave me the major creeps and I seriously wanted to get out of this place and consider never returning. He turned and stalked away and then the Middle Guy stepped between the paths that had once been enclosed, but I did feel a sign of returned and I sighed in relief. As the Middle Guy held up my drink and I took a sip of it, a headache broke out and whipped around my head viciously. I crouched into a fetal feotal position and held my head in my hands.

“What’s wrong?” he asked in a concerned tone, I nodded and grabbed the drink. I turned my back to the Middle Guy and popped two of the little pink pills into her mouth and gulp them down with a good mouthful of martini.

“Nothing is wrong,” I said standing up and facing him, with a bright smile, “Just a little headache.”

“You sure?” he re-asked again, probably just to make sure I was alright. I smiled even more.

“I’m very sure, let’s dance.” I reassured him. I then grabbed his hands and pulled him out onto the dance floor.

Over the next hour or two, a lot happened. First up, my head was filled with positive things, nothing was negative. I felt was high and mighty that I could do anything, even saved the world. My heart raced so hard, but it was a good racing, like it wanted to speed up and down and even it made me feel a little energetic. To feel even more in power I took more and more, eventually having about 6 six pills running through me, but the changes became bad. My body started locking and seizing up, I thought it was time for some air.
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I whispered in the Middle Guy's ear that I was just heading outside to have a ‘smoke’, but really I was just going to try and cool myself down. Trying to leap out of the crowd of still moving bodies, I made it out, pushing open the back downor, which led into an alley way, with one light. My senses were dead by this time, and my brain was slowly taking its toll and it was about to give up.
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I grabbed the wall and slid myself down it, not even acknowledging that as someone stepped into the alley. The footsteps rung in my ears as I heard them get closer and closer, but instead of walking past, they stopped at the feet of me my feet. My body had shut down because as much as I wanted to squirm, this person grabbed me and laid me properly down. His hands creeped up my body and pulled down what a lot of people would call a‘thong’ my thong, and I knew then, that this was gonna going to end badly. I had no way of escaping, or at least defending myself. The nest next thing I heard was what I was dreading the most. The sound of a pair of jeans’ zipper, and it was quickly over. I felt heaviness come down on my little body, and I panicked, then I was out.

What is she doing, a smoke normally doesn’t take this long. I think I might check on her. I made my way through all the chicks and dudes, in pursuit for the back door, the exact one that I watched her walked out of. Rushing to make sure she was okay, I think I tripped a few times.
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My weight came against the door when I did eventually reach it and pushed it open. When my weight shifted and I ended up falling,was when I saw her sprawled on the ground, except she wasn’t alone. Whatever I saw was absolutely disgusting and I seriously hated guys for that. A creep was on top, obviously she had been forced to do something she didn’t want to, so I stood up and stalker stalked over.
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When I reached their heaped bodies, I grabbed the top one (the guy) and threw him into the wall with such a strength that I didn’t know I had. I picked her up by the shoulders and dragged her away from the creep and when she was placed aside and out of danger, I thumped over to the disgusting pig curled on the floor, holding his head. I gripped his head and yanked him upwards. I made sure that he was looking me in the eyes before I started bashing the crap out of this guy, who happened to inappropriately touch my ‘date’. I threw a fist right into his face, and surprised myself by hearing an agonizing crunch when my fist collected his face. I repeated this process about 20 times until I decided that; maybe, he was unconscious enough to think about his actions. I just hoped that the bruises would teach him a lesson.
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As I was laying him down, not trying to making anything suspicious, I heard choking noises. Instantly without knowing, my head jerked towards the girl. Her body was throwing itself in every direction and I had a glimpse of white foam coming out of her mouth, as. I ran to her side and held her close.
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I fumbled for my phone, not even bothering with the amount of shit coming out of her mouth, and the amount of blood her body. Once I had the phone, unlocked, I dialed 000, with shaky hands. While I heard the *bring bring* dial tone, I checked the guy I bashed up was still unconscious on the floor. that removed the danger and then

I rolled her body on it’s side, then a chick’s voice filled the other side of my phone.
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She asksed, “Police, fire station, or ambulance?” and I nearly screamed ambulance, but I didn’t, I did it surprisingly calmly, for my situation. While she was connecting me through, I tapped her cheeks lightly, just thinking that maybe that would wake her up, but no response. I asked whether she could hear me, no response. I told her, politely, to open her eyes, still no response. I asked whether she knew her name, but no response. And with the last thing, I told her whether she could lightly squeeze my hand…and still no response.
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The ambulance line had connected and it was now a male on the other end. The first thing he asked was where he was located.

“Switch Nightclub, in Richmond, we are in the alley out the back of the club. Don’t know the exact address.”

“Okay. And what number are you calling from?”

“My phone, it’s a mobile phone. 0430469846.” While I was saying this to the guy, I had ripped a part of my shirt off and wrapped it tightly around my fingers. Holding my breath, I shoved my two fingers in her mouth and started scooping out the vomit and foam, it was gross. When I was sure that there wasn’t anything in there I started running through what happened, which the guy had asked me to go through with him.

“Well I met this girl, and well, I have no clue what her name is, but still. We were dancing and all; I went off to get a drink and came back. She had a ‘little’ headache, as she said it was. Well, when I gave her drink to her, she turned her back to me and well, took something. After that she was fine, but she got worse and tired. She went to have a smoke, I followed her, concerned. She was on the alley ground being abused by a creep and then she went into fits,” I took a deep breath and could feel tears roll down my cheeks. As I was saying that whole thing to explain what happened, I was checking for a pulse. I couldn’t find one no matter how hard I felt or strained my eyes to see. She wasn’t breathing I panicked. And screamed “NO!” when the guy asked whether she conscious and then whether she was breathing.

“We will have an ambulance there shortly, keep trying to revive her, until we get to her and then hopefully things change, thank you.” And then he hung up. I clutched her body and dragged her to me. No matter how much me and this girl we were strangers, I felt like I had made a connection with her. She was innocent, and no matter what happened, she did not deserve to die! I muttered that it would be fine, that she would be fine, but my mind told me that was utterly impossible. and Before I knew it the medics were rushing through that door with all their equipment. Some male medic had torn me and the girl apart and that’s when I planted myself at the end of the alley, staring at them, while they were whizzing away, trying to save her.

15 minutes gone, she hadn’t moved. her.

30 minutes passed and they were slowly starting to lost that thrive, but after 45 minutes, they gave up and they pulled the blanket over her head.

I stood up, and ran to where they were set up and yelled at their faces that they needed to do more, more work to her. They needed to help her. Instead of ignoring me, t They grabbed my shoulders and yanked me to the truck, sitting me on the edge. Nothing would clam calm my mind. What were her parents going to do? She was so young, why? Who would tell the people who mattered the most to her that she had passed from this world? The emotion I was feeling was totally isolated, like disconnected. I felt as though no one else existed. I had let her die. That’s the only thing that had occupied my mind now.

Well, what else was I meant to think?

As much as I wanted to scream, I couldn’t, nothing could escape my mouth. He stood there looking at me, kind of weirdly too, but unpredictably shoved something into her hands. She looked down to see a bad full of pink pills, she glanced up, about to say that she really didn’t want to take these, and that she wanted him to leave her alone and let her have fun, but he cut in.

"What’s wrong?” he asked in a concerned tone, I nodded and grabbed the drink. I turned my back to the Middle Guy and popped two of the little pink pills into her mouth and gulp them down with a good mouthful of martini.

“What’s wrong?” he asked in a concerned tone, I nodded and grabbed the drink. I turned my back to the Middle Guy and popped two of the little pink pills into her mouth and gulp them down with a good mouthful of martini.

“Nothing is wrong,” standing up and facing him, with a bright smile, “Just a little headache.”

Over the next hour or two, a lot happened. First up, my head was filled with positive things, nothing was negative. I felt was high and mighty that I could do anything, even saved (should be, save) the world. I'd change this sentence. Maybe something like, 'I felt high and mighty, like i could do anything, maybe even save the world.' My heart raced so hard, but it was a good racing, like it wanted to speed up and down and even it made me feel a little energetic. I'd re-write this sentence. Maybe something like, 'My heart raced, the speed increasing every second, making me feel slightly energetic in a weird way.' To feel even more in power I took more and more, having about 6 pills running through me, but the changes became bad. My body started locking and seizing up, I thought it was time for some air. I whispered in the Middle Guys ear that I was just heading outside to have a ‘smoke’, but really I was just going to try and cool myself down. Trying to leap out of the crowd of still moving bodies, I made it out, pushing open the back down, which led into an alley way, with one light. This really doesn't make much sense. Maybe write it like this, 'Trying to leap out of the crowd of still moving bodies, i found myself stumbling and it was a struggle to keep myself up, but i eventually made it out. I flung the door open, which led into an alley way. One small light flickered on and off above my head.' (This way it gives you more of a description of what is around you, and also it divides the sentences up. Try using fullstops instead of commas. My senses were dead by this time, and my brain was slowly taking its toll and it was about to give up. I grabbed the wall and slid myself down itcomma not even acknowledging that someone stepped into the alley. The footsteps rung in my ears as I heard them get closer and closer, but instead of walking past, they stopped at the feet of me. My body had shut down because as much as I wanted to squirm, this person grabbed me and laid me properly down. His hands creeped up my body and pulled down what a lot of people would call a ‘thong’, and I knew then, this was gonna end badly. I had no way of escaping, or at least defending myself. The nest thing I heard was what I was dreading the most. The sound of a pair of jeans’ zipper, and it was quickly over. I felt heaviness come down on my little body, and I panicked, then I was out.

I repeated this process about 20 times until I decided that; maybe, he was unconscious enough to think about his actions.

While she was connecting me through, I tapped her cheeks lightly, just thinking that maybe that would wake her up, but no response. I asked whether she could hear me, no response. I told her, politely, to open her eyes, still no response. I asked whether she knew her name, but no response. And with the last thing, I told her whether she could lightly squeeze my hand…and still no response.

She wasn’t breathingcomma I panicked. And screamed “NO!” when the guy asked whether she conscious and then whether she was breathing.

“Well I met this girl, and well, I have no clue what her name is, but still. We were dancing and all; I went off to get a drink and came back. She had a ‘little’ headache, as she said it was. Well, when I gave her drink to her, she turned her back to me and well, took something. After that she was fine, but she got worse and tired. She went to have a smoke, I followed her, concerned. She was on the alley ground being abused by a creep and then she went into fits,”

All I could do was duck my head low as I sat in the last row of seats in the funeral home. Well, she hadn’t told me her name, but now I knew. Rebekah. It meant a lot. It was so pretty; it rolled straight off the tongue and made your heart melt. I had been here for quite a while, just looking at the life long story line of photos her parents had provided. She was the cutest kid. So sweet and cute, playful and full of endless laughter. How much drugs can destroy your life and the ones around you is enormous, but it’s getting so common. << (I don't get that) I mean, I hadn’t even thought that she had taken ecstasy that night a week from this very day. It broke my heart to see her parents, friends, huddled together, crying and mourning their daughter/friends death. It was something that would brake a parents’ heart, and to think it was an accident. I lifted my head for two seconds and noticed that her tear streaked faced mother had been making her way down the lane way and was now in front of me. I stood up in respect and said my apologies, while giving her a hug. She looked at me curiously, though. “And how did you know Rebekah?” her eyes were deep; you could see the pain and agony sitting in clear plain sight.

“Just…,” what was I meant to say, the guy who witnessed you daughters deaths and nearly saved her life, but I just held my tongue and didn’t say anything except, “Just a very…recent friend,” her sad smile had shown. << LOVE that. Describes him so well.
“Well come here,” she pulled me into a hug. “Come with me and I’ll introduce you. They are just about to start the speeches. What’s your name again?”
“Rick.” And I followed her light hearted mother up the lane way, to those who deeply missed Rebeka.[/color]

borntoshop wrote:Okay first off, right now i am so SO annoyed at 'seeminglymeaningless'. I could really, truly say some completely horrible things, but i'm not going to because i'm not like that.

borntoshop wrote:Second, this is NOT horrible. Sure it does have alot of mistakes, but people learn off there mistakes.

borntoshop wrote:But maybe you should change the plot a little bit, because even though i thought 'seeminglymeaningless' was cruel, they did have a point.

borntoshop wrote:Go through your storys before you post them on here, so you can avoid rude comments.

borntoshop wrote:Don't listen to 'seeminglymeaningless' this isn't BAD, as she so bluntly put it.

borntoshop wrote:And you should enter this in for your school work. BUT edit it first.

Hi BornToShop. So, I noticed you had a few loud problems with my review. I address them here. I am also going to just quickly review it as well, because I enjoy reviewing things.

also supplied my name at the bottom of my review, as I always do, so you could have simply addressed me as Jai, instead of placing my username in quotation marks, indicating that the words in between said quotation marks are fake/false.

Oh really? You mean I didn't just write the above review solely to crush someone's dreams and aspirations as a writer?

Go over your reviews so that they live up the standards that you are trying to make the author take up.