Young Writers Society

I try to focus on the music,
I try to drown them out.
I let the melody take me away,
Let the lyrics distract me from the fighting.

I close my eyes,
I try to escape.
They fight constantly.
getting louder every time.
And these are the people I should look up to?
The ones I should admire?

I wonder if they know I’m here,
that headphones only block so much.
Or did my true idols,
really set me free?

The harmony breaks,
And I’m forced to think.
The people who should accept who I am,
are the ones who despise me most.
Those who should let me try,
always make me give up.

The next song comes on,
suddenly I’m okay.
Music is my true medicine.
I don’t need them anyway.

Wow, this was great. I really connected with it. Music really is one of the greatest escapes there is, don't you think? Anyways, keep writing!

~mybrokenreality

This was a very good poem. It worked for the poem that the words didn't rhyme.It also has a good point, you can understand it clearly. The main character listens to music to get away from those that are bad in his life. Music itself stands as mentor and idol. I have no real suggestions for you but to keep writting.
Well, It is time to eat,Adieu,
CardDragon.

I have a major soft sport for music, so I liked this, lol.
I really think music is one of the reasons I can get by... and I really understood what this piece was about, because I could easily relate it to my own experiences.

I think you did well with moving the poem through the song. Like... the thoughts progress as the song progresses, and it gives it a really nice sort of feel and flow. A pace that moves you right along.

My favorite line would have to be this:

"The harmony breaks,
And I’m forced to think."

I disagree, CardDragon The rhyming wouldn't have done much, but it could have done something. I say that only because of your last stanza. Nice rhyme.

I think this was great. A few points are that you should - I'm still working on a better description for this - apply content-specific description & style. In other words, if you were writing a fight scene, it would to describe the fight like a dance or acrobatic sport rather than a marathon or sawing wood if you know what I mean. In another poem I recently reviewed (The Game by Howler), the author uses words that suit the poem. While he uses words like smile and play, he could've also used words like hit, level, round, higher. I think this applies here. Draw abstract comparisons and background ones that show us just how deep your escape is. How you equate everything to song (Unless you don't... but even still you could)

Rythym! The foundation of free-verse is rythym! You have no reason to not put more rythym into this, and every reason to.

Back to the point I made earlier, consider thinking about reading this poem while you listen to a song like in the scene described.

Nonetheless this was okay, but wasn't done too well. I think maybe you shouldn't make this so narrative or speaky if you know what I mean. We don't want to know about your problems as much as we want to know how it gets to you or how you deal with it (I hope that didn't sound harsh). You did this in the first part, but broke into question. A great trick would be to create a string of anti-climaxes. Let the anger build up then quickly shake your head and press against the headphones. Have yourself stand up and walk to the door like we all feel like doing but just fall down and sigh. Have yourself walk through the room like your just getting a glass of juice, because maybe then they'll see you and remember you. I hope that's not too much of me and not enough of you, sorry if it is.

Anyway, I enjoyed this. However, a good question to ask is - if you were trying to make this impressive or expressive - would this stick to a parent reading it? Would it make them think about this. So many teenagers are in the exact situation, don't just write from your point of view, think of someone even worse off. Like I said, after you edit this. Read it while listening to music, it will really help.

In a horrible splay out of his passing thoughts,
This was,
TheNewHero.

wow this is beautiful, the idea that the comforting escape of music can distract you from solving the very issues you are trying to escape from is well thought out and profound. As for a critisism - more rhythm, it will give it that little extra edge and a steady beat will tie into the musical theme

I have done this so many times, some times I just wish I could get up a scream at them!

I like the poem though I think you could make it better by adding more about the music, where it takes you, and more about when the music stops, you could say how when the music stops, reality comes crashing back, or something like that.

I close my eyes,
and try to escape. < I think that "and" would sound better here
They fight constantly,
getting louder every time.
These are the people I should look up to? < this would sound better without the "and"
The ones I should admire?

I did the same thing to block out when my dad and step mom faught, they faught so much and I felt like the only way to escape was through the music pulsing through me headphones...

The next song comes on,
and suddenly I’m okay.
Music is my true medicine.
I don’t need them anyway.

Over all I liked it, with a little work it can be a very great poem!

~Rain~