Watching The Sky Burn: Prologue

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Prologue:

It has been two days since I stepped outside my home. After I watched the last of the meteors flying through the atmosphere - I think they were the last- I locked myself away. We wear sunglasses to protect our vision, and thick suits of foil and cotton woven together to keep the sun out. It is hot all the time, inside and outside, though I remember that breezes filtered ash and smoke through the bare bones of trees I cannot remember how they felt.


At night, what passes for night now, gangs of men and women roam the shells of towns and cities. I hide inside my cave, without the sun or the cold, and listen to the sickening howls of pain and pleasure that permeate my walls. I am not sure if they know I am here, wedged between our ripped up couch, and the china cabinet my mother loved so much. When it is nearly morning, in the half hour before the sun rises over the first of the horizon - left hand corner, sixty degree angle above the hill where the observatory is crushed - I move the chest of drawers away from the back door and run to the market.


Markets trade every morning, from two am to sunrise. There are three, maybe four hours in that time, and the canvas hooded mobile homes are rich with voices. This is the only time I leave my home, it is the only time we are safe from the sun and the gangs. The starts are no threat now, people whisper in little corners as their food is measured out in sacks. I watch a couple touch lightly, their fingertips brushing each other, and I can pick out their guardians, red and blue ties in the women's hair say they are Patriots. Being around Patriots is only safe in the market zones, where they are merely people, I have heard stories about the women's vicious snarls as they torture young victims in the name of a dying country. The men are coughing around blue lit pipes, the fumes curling above their noses and into the scent of the air.


I am quick to buy only what I need, food enough for a few more days and a flashlight with half full batteries. I cannot stand the light to be so bright as a full flashlight would be, instead I read with the bulb pushed centimetres from the page, always wary of fire. The flap-snap of canvas makes those around me look up, necks tense and straining against the instinct to run. The furthest caravan is rocking back and forth and Observatory Hill lightens to a dull pink. Behind me I hear a shout, a young woman knocks me sideways as she flies by, green ribbons streaming. As the end of her ribbon flicks into my eye, I can understand what the voice is calling; "Thief! Thief!" If she is caught, they will cut her hands from the base of her palm to the tip of her fingers, it will be months before she can use the hands again, if at all.


A small drop of blood tracks down my cheek from the corner of my eye and I turn back to my stall, wrapping my dented batteries in a tea towel. The man is shouting louder now, above the crowds surging displeasure. I hear a running commentary by a man two people from me; "She's at the base of the hill. Going up. What's that in her hair? Green? Ah, well. They always end this way, don't they? Bloody kids in their bloody street wars. Can't do anything with them." I think of my mother, locked in the basement of our family home. The ribbons she wore buried with her in the silence of the fourteenth year of the Great Wars. Green was her favourite colour, of the grass she remembered but couldn't see anymore. Naturalists die quickly, and often painfully, their desperate need to touch base with their Mother Earth ruining them entirely.


The batteries and flashlight in my pack, I begin to jog back home against the wave of angry men and women. A scream in the distance touches my ears as I reach my door and I am surprised she lasted so long. The image of my mother appears again, lit by sunlight, the ribbon around her neck burning to ash like a chain about her neck. I close my eyes and lock the door, pushing the television against it and angle into my crack of security. Stroking the dented cover of the only book my father didn't throw away, I breathe the musty odour and close my eyes to the old once more.
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.




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This is lovely.

I can understand what the voice is calling; "Thief! Thief!".


Period isn't needed.

I breathe the musty odour of knowledge


The phrase "of knowledge" seems a bit too much here.

I watch a couple touch lightly, their fingertips brushing each other, and I can pick out their guardians, red and blue ties in the women's hair say they are Patriots.


This sentence is a bit confusing.

Another question... why is she running against a mob? Isn't there another way back home?

Also, I'm not sure if this is relevant, but they have flashlights that run on solar power / batteries now! :D They might be prohibitively expensive here though.

I think I've mentioned how much I loved this before? It's even better, now. You've tightened it up and really focused on what was important and, all and all, it's beautiful. Love it!
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D




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Thank you, love! I fixed up the little things but I'm not sure about the line you mentioned but I'm thinking about it.

I'm pretty sure she's running against the mob because it's her only way home. I do a small explanation in the next chapter about which way she turns and such.

I love the solar powered torch thing, I forgot they even existed. There's a good possibility I can use them later on. They would definitely be way expensive in this world. Hella useful but massive expensive.

Thank you again for the crit!
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.




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This reminds me of the movie "The book of eli" with Denzil (?) Washington. I thought this was pretty nice, although somehow, in some strange, inconceivable way, I felt that the part at the market just seemed a little dry. So there's this girl living in a cave. Wouldn't anyone bother her? And I do believe you'll start to talk more about the apocalypse, right? because being the prologue, I would sort of expect some sort of brief history. Oh, and another thing. You never mentioned what the currency is or what is used in order for her to buy these flashlights.
Sorry if I've criticized your story too much... But I hope you'll take much comments into consideration. :D
How's Life? :D




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The prologue is just the opening. I believe that in later chapters everything will be revealed in a nice, flowing manner - or so I hope.

Thank you all for your comments! I'll change what I can as soon as I can.
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.



Perhaps the real rickroll was the friends we made along the way
— GengarIsBestBoy