It's been a while since I read this, but I will still try to review it the best I can. I really don't like your title personally. Whenever I see long titles, they seem boring and makes me have a first impression that this story is going to be long and boring. Maybe it's just me, or not, but I don't like "and"'s in the title either. The title is a major part of a story because after all, when you go buy a book, don't you first look at the title if it seems interesting?
I liked the plot because I especially like sarcastic voices and "modern" talk of teenagers. It makes me have something to relate to, you know? For example, one book was about two kids that spoke NOTHING like kids these days. They used many long words that even I had no idea what they meant. You get what I'm saying? Good job here. The plot was also intense and suspenseful, although some parts were a bit awkward.
Unfortunately, Zachary was too prideful to accept the sudden defeat. He disliked being pushed around – coupled with his already stubborn nature, it was a deadly combination.Show, not tell.
I think this story would have worked better if the vampire's POV was told under first person. There's just too much feeling from his character that you are leaving out. I got the feeling while reading this that you are trying to incorporate a lot of feeling here, but it just doesn't work with third person.
PM me with any questions and post more things to review in my WRFF thread!! Tootles!
