Why Red?

The children smiled as they gathered around their favorite grandpa, Grand Red, as he began to tell them a bed time story.
Among the children there were Grand Red's grandchildren, Joseph, Marigold, and Watson. Joseph was a bit older than Marigold,after all they were twins. Watson , who was annoyed his name was Watson, was 12, 6 years older than the twins.
It was a oddly cold summer night and Grand Red creaked in a rocking chair in a red robe. Grand Red cleared his throat and looked around his large condo. There where furniture and personal items around the room,it was less cluttered, 20 years ago when he moved here. With one more clearing he began to tell his great story...

" Once there was a man and his band of friends, who traveled with him for his money as he was a rich man.He went from city to city, doing what he did best inventing and getting girls. His name was Advent Red, his real name was Garfield Red,
every one feared him for he had more inventions than he had girlfriends", Grand Red Mused.
" It was one day when Advent Red and his friends were out on a Friday night with their girlfriends. By the way he had 3 men that where in his ranks Blue, Black and Yellow all nick names..." the grandfather was interrupted.
" They called themselves colors?" asked Marigold.
" of course they did, they had to or they wouldn't be Advent Red's friends.." exclaimed Grand Red jovially," as I was saying.."
"Advent Red and his crew went into a bar,they partied and partied... getting far too tipsy", the grandfather told
" what is tipsy? '' asked Joseph.
" um-mm its when grownups dance around all weirdly"he responded.
" just like ma and pa?" asked Watson.
"Okay, just let me finish the story, your mother will be wanting for you to go to bed soon", Grand Red flustered.
" they're at it again" Watson commented. Grand Red beamed him a look .
" as I was saying, but little did they notice was that their rivals now owned the bar and planned to kill them.
So while they were tipsy they set set a bomb that Advent Red had made himself.His own brand,as luck would have it,Advent Red and his crew stumbled out in the nick of time. No sooner did the bar blow ,a exact hour later,and all was changed. The next morning when Advent Red and his girl, Abby Barnes, received a knock on the door and the police was
investigating and found his bomb at the site. Rather than go peacefully, Advent Red used a pro-type to disappear for a minute. For weeks on end, Advent Red was not to be found. Until the faithful day,when Abby Barnes was captured by Black heart, Advent Red's arch enemy."
" is there going to be an awesome showdown",asked Marigold.
" You can count your buttons", Grand Red responded, jovially.
" They faced each other in the park, where news casters covered it all. Black Heart struck first, shooting his gun at Advent Red , he dodged it and used his glove which released a spark of energy . Black Heart fell to the ground rambling. Meanwhile Blue, Black and Yellow released Abby Barnes from Black Heart's truck. Which was beeping, they all fled but Black stayed behind regardless of his friends orders. He died saying,' To clear our name'
Black heart now lay on the ground laughing explaining his ruse. Advent Red shot him another time.He trembled and fell asleep. Though his name was cleared , his friend had perished,from that they fort he vowed to change. If you can say he lived happily ever. " Grand Red ended his story with a deep sigh.
"So Grand why are you telling us this story", asked Watson.
" Because it so happens I was that man", Grand Red smiled.
Everyone of the kids' mouths fell open.

Hey there, card dragon. XD
It was nice having able to tell a story in a story.
I like it.
It seems like you're writing this for the young ones. :]

But just a few nitpickers:

It was an oddly cold summer night and Grand Red creaked in a rocking chair in a red robe. Grand Red cleared his throat and looked around his large condo. There where furniture and personal items around the room,it was less cluttered, 20 years ago when he moved here. With one more clearing he began to tell his great story...

the phrase colored orange sounds weird to me. Grand Red creaked in a rocking chair? Or the rocking chair creaked as he rocked it slowly?
Since you described his condo unit, what is its connection to his story? :]

every one feared him for he had more inventions than he had girlfriends",(comma must be inside the apostrophe) Grand Red mused.

" It was one day when Advent Red and his friends were out on a Friday night with their girlfriends. By the way he had 3 men that where in his ranks Blue, Black and Yellow all nick names..." the grandfather was interrupted. (i guess you should take this line out)

" They called themselves colors?" asked Marigold.(Marigold interrupted)

"Of course they did. They had to, or they wouldn't be Advent Red's friends.." exclaimed Grand Red jovially," as I was saying.."(move this to the next dialogue)

Remember to keep the first letter in your dialogue capitalized.

" is there going to be an awesome showdown",(the comma thing)asked Marigold.

Not too much 'umph' in the end, but I like it. Hope I helped a bit. =]
Keep writing. XD
Keep writing. XD

-KAT <3

Interesting story, I liked it. But I have a few issues:

The children smiled as they gathered around their favorite grandpa, Grand Red, as he began to tell them a bed time story.

Among the children there were Grand Red's grandchildren, Joseph, Marigold, and Watson. Joseph was a bit older than Marigold,after all they were twins. Watson , who was annoyed his name was Watson, was 12, 6 years older than the twins.

It was a oddly cold summer night and Grand Red creaked in a rocking chair in a red robe. Grand Red cleared his throat and looked around his large condo. There where furniture and personal items around the room,it was less cluttered, 20 years ago when he moved here. With one more clearing he began to tell his great story...

" You don't need a space here.Once there was a man and his band of friends, who traveled with him for his money as he was a rich man.Space between sentences.He went from city to city, doing what he did best inventing and getting girls. His name was Advent Red, his real name was Garfield Red,

every one feared him for he had more inventions than he had girlfriends,",Grand Red mused.

"_It was one day when Advent Red and his friends were out on a Friday night with their girlfriends. By the way he had 3(It would have been better to simply spell out three.) men that where in his ranks:(I'd put this here) Blue, Black and Yellow all nick names..." the grandfather was interrupted.

" They called themselves colors?" asked Marigold.

" of course they did, they had to or they wouldn't be Advent Red's friends.." exclaimed Grand Red jovially," as I was saying.."

"Advent Red and his crew went into a bar,they partied and partied... getting far too tipsy", the grandfather told.

Capitalize first letter of the dialouge.
" What is tipsy? '' asked Joseph.

" um-mm its when grownups dance around all weirdly(punctuation)"he responded.

" just like ma and pa?" asked Watson.

"Okay, just let me finish the story, your mother will be wanting for you to go to bed soon", Grand Red flustered.

" they're at it again" Watson commented. Grand Red beamed him a look .

" as I was saying, but little did they notice was that their rivals now owned the bar and planned to kill them.

So while they were tipsy they set set a bomb that Advent Red had made himself.His own brand,as luck would have it,Advent Red and his crew stumbled out in the nick of time. No sooner did the bar blow ,a exact hour later,and all was changed. The next morning when Advent Red and his girl, Abby Barnes, received a knock on the door and the police was

investigating and found his bomb at the site. Rather than go peacefully, Advent Red used a pro-type to disappear for a minute. For weeks on end, Advent Red was not to be found. Until the faithful day,when Abby Barnes was captured by Black heart, Advent Red's arch enemy."

" is there going to be an awesome showdown",asked Marigold.

" You can count your buttons", Grand Red responded, jovially.

" They faced each other in the park, where news casters covered it all. Black Heart struck first, shooting his gun at Advent Red , he dodged it and used his glove which released a spark of energy . Black Heart fell to the ground rambling. Meanwhile Blue, Black and Yellow released Abby Barnes from Black Heart's truck. Which was beeping, they all fled but Black stayed behind regardless of his friends orders. He died saying,' To clear our name'

Black heart now lay on the ground laughing explaining his ruse. Advent Red shot him another time.He trembled and fell asleep. Though his name was cleared , his friend had perished,from that they fort he vowed to change. If you can say he lived happily ever. " Grand Red ended his story with a deep sigh.

"So Grand why are you telling us this story", asked Watson.

" Because it so happens I was that man", Grand Red smiled.

Everyone of the kids' mouths fell open.

That was just a little bit of stuff that threw me off in the story! (Don't take my review seriously, I'm a grammar freak!) Keep writing, it was overall a very good story! ~Megg

The children smiled as they gathered around their favorite grandpa, Grand Red, as he began to tell them a bed time story.
AmongI think it's awkward to write among in this context. Among is used when the writer wants to write about a part of a whole group. You just named the whole group. the children there were Grand Red's grandchildren, Joseph, Marigold, and Watson. Joseph was a bit older than Marigold,after allAfter all is used to explain something that's common sense. The fact that one of the twins was older is no more common sense than is they weren't. they were twins. WatsonNo Space , who was annoyed his name was Watson, was 12, 6 years older than the twins. Make sure to write out all of your numbers zero through one hundred.
It was an oddly cold summer night, and Grand Red creaked The rocking chair creaked,not Grand Redin a rocking chair in a red robe. Grand Red cleared his throat and looked around his large condo. There where furniture and personal items around the room,it was less cluttered, 20 years ago, when he moved here. Do you mean there were? Or "There, where furniture and personal items around the room... you have a subject but no verb. With one more clearing Clarify: Clearing of his throathe began to tell his great Perhaps a more descriptive word here.story...

" Once there waswere a man and his band of friends, who traveled with him for his money, as he was a rich man.He went from city to city, doing what he did bestcolon or hyphen needed here inventing and getting girls. His name was Advent Red,Run on sentence his real name was Garfield Red.
Every one One wordfeared him, for he had more inventions than he had girlfriends", Grand Red mused. Why did this make people fear him? Expand.
" It was one day when Advent Red and his friends were out on a Friday night with their girlfriends. By the way, he had 3 men that whereWere in his ranks: Blue, Black and Yellow Punctuation needed here. Parentheses...all nick names..." [color=#4000FF]New paragraphT[/color]he grandfather was interrupted.
" They called themselves colors?" asked Marigold.
" Of course they did,Semicolon, dash, or period needed here they had to or they wouldn't be Advent Red's friends..You have two periods" exclaimed Grand Red jovially," as I was saying.."
"Advent Red and his crew went into a bar,they partied and partied... getting far too tipsy",Run on sentence and comma inside the parentheses the grandfather told
" What is tipsy? '' asked Joseph.
" Um-mm its when grownups dance around all weirdly," he responded.
" just like ma and pa?" asked Watson.Capitalize the beginnings of sentences and Ma and Pa
"Okay, just let me finish the story, your mother will be wanting for you to go to bed soon", comma inside the quotations and this is a run onGrand Red flustered. Flustered is not a verb
" they're at it again" Watson commented. Grand Red beamed him a look .No space
" as I was saying, but little did they notice was that their rivals now owned the bar and planned to kill them.
So while they were tipsy, they set set a bomb that Advent Red had made himself.space neededHis own brand,as luck would have it,Advent Red and his crew stumbled out in the nick of time. No sooner did the bar blow ,a exact hour later,and all was changed.Run on- break into smaller sentences More explanation is needed. Why did they set a bomb?The next morning when Advent Red and his girl, Abby Barnes, received a knock on the door and the police waswere
investigating and found his bomb at the site. Rather than go peacefully, Advent Red used a pro-typeprototype? to disappear for a minute. For weeks on end, Advent Red was not to be found until the faithful I think you mean fateful hereday,no comma needed herewhen Abby Barnes was captured by Black Heart, Advent Red's archenemy."
" is there going to be an awesome showdown",asked Marigold.
" You can count your buttons", Grand Red responded, jovially.
" They faced each other in the park, where news castersOne word covered it all. Black Heart struck first, shooting his gun at Advent Red , he dodged it and used his glove which released a spark of energy . Black Heart fell to the ground rambling. Meanwhile Blue, Black, and Yellow released Abby Barnes from Black Heart's truck. Which was beeping, they all fled but Black stayed behind regardless of his friends orders. He died saying,' To clear our name'
Black heart now lay on the ground laughing explaining his ruse. Didn't he just die?Advent Red shot him another time.He trembled and fell asleep. I find it hard to believe he fell asleep. Maybe lost conciousness...Though his name was cleared , his friend had perished,from that they fort he vowed to change. If you can say he lived happily ever. " Grand Red ended his story with a deep sigh.
"So, Grand, why are you telling us this story", asked Watson.
" Because it so happens I was that man", Grand Red smiled.
Everyone Two wordsof the kids' mouths fell open.
This is a creative story, but it needs work. The grammatical errors distract from the piece. Make sure to put your commas inside the quotations and capitalize the first letter of a sentence. Also, there are many run on sentences and illogical sentences.
It also needs much more explanation. Why did Red set of a bomb? It would be more interesting if we know why Red and Black were archenemies.
Happy Writing