Glutton for Lies
The swirling in my stomach had started again. I told myself that the flutter in my pounding heart was excitement at the prospect of consuming yet another fat-laden, processed cake.
My sausage-like hand crept slowly over to the bleached paper box at my side, eyes never leaving the rough glare of the television. By now I was so practiced at this “multitasking” that I hardly thought about what I was doing.
I simply did. And then everything would be all right. Because I had my friends. Friends that never asked questions, or disapproved of what you did, or looked at you with anything but adoration. There was Little Debbie, Drake, Edy and Breyer, and of course, Reese. All were alike in my eyes, just as I was equal in their eyes.
No questions. No hard looks.
Only happiness. True, pure happiness.
The wrapper was off in seconds, half the cake gone in a blink. I hardly chewed these days; I didn’t have the energy. My energy has been sucked from me, I thought, by my cruel family and former friends. All they ever did was criticize me. Hurt me. Chastise me. But now it’s over. I’ll never talk to them again. I have new friends, and a new family!
Little Debbie, Drake, Edy, Breyer and Reese.
No questions.
Then the cake was gone, scant crumbs decorating the front of my greasy T-shirt, which I’d been wearing for weeks. Laundry wasn’t much of an option, either, when the ones you used to trust took all the willpower you had.
A sudden hollowness filled my chest as I clutched the slimy cellophane wrapper in my hand. It was gone. Forever. I wouldn’t see it ever again. I was alone.
My breathing became shallow as the panic set in for real. Sweat lined my wrinkled forehead, and I squirmed in my hot seat.
This can’t be happening! I have no one! I need them back here with me! I’m scared!
For a scant moment, time froze for me. An odd clarity cleared away the dust in my mind, and a warm, inviting voice whispered to me urgently, “It’s not too late to turn back to the ones you love. They miss you. You were wrong about them. Tell yourself the truth!”
I considered listening to the inner voice.
I considered going to my parents and asking them to forgive me.
I considered getting on with my life; going back to the man I used to be.
I considered forgiving myself.
It all seemed so sweet to me.
And then, with a sideways glance, I spotted the bleached paper box sitting next to me.
One cake left.
The grubby feeling inside of me that screamed in frustration? No, it didn’t exist. What it really was was a feeling of pure joy. I told myself that I had true happiness, sitting in the dark, in the filth, in the fat.
In the fear.
I was safe again.
*It's a little short, yes, but there was a word limit!
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