Being a Teenager

So, I know this poem doesn't rhyme! This is the first poem I've ever write, it just came to my mind!

“Being a teenager is like passing through a bridge between being an adult and being a kid,” my Doctor said.
“The first symptoms are: 1.Feeling you know it all and 2.Getting in trouble for that
After you walk a few steps, you'll notice the bridge is weak and that there are some holes in it. Some people get too scare, and they run back to kid's ville. But they get to suffer from permanent immaturity, one of the worst ills.” He also told me “Don't you ever run back, I'll be watching you from my home, heaven, and I'll help you walk the line.”

Hmmmm I would make these lines shorter...... Then I will review it. Plus, some of the best poems don't rhyme.

A. S.

Calligraphy wrote:Hmmmm I would make these lines shorter...... Then I will review it. Plus, some of the best poems don't rhyme.

A. S.

Thanks!

not bad. though permanent immaturity isn't really a problem. i hate being a teen ...but then i love it

pencilgirl wrote:not bad. though permanent immaturity isn't really a problem. i hate being a teen ...but then i love it

I think permanent Immaturity is a BIG problem! You hate being a teen? Well, don't worry... when I was 13 I hated it to, so wait until you are 15! ...I think I get used to it... LOL

sure i am in no hurry

It doesn't have to rhyme. However, poems do need to have a rhythm in order to distinguish it from prose. Right now, it's kind of hard to find the flow in this. Maybe reword it a bit? Definitely a good topic to work with. Keep on writing, this is pretty good for a first try!

ireylcadence wrote:It doesn't have to rhyme. However, poems do need to have a rhythm in order to distinguish it from prose. Right now, it's kind of hard to find the flow in this. Maybe reword it a bit? Definitely a good topic to work with. Keep on writing, this is pretty good for a first try!

Thank you, ireylcadance!!!!!!

Hey there, Sol. Nice seeing you around these poetry forums. ^__^

Anyhoo, this doesn't look like much of a poem to me. Poems don't need to rhyme, but they need form and rhythm to make it a true poem. I know it was your first try, so let's go ahead and see how we could improve this into an even better poem, 'kay?

Being a teenager is like passing through a bridge.
The first symptoms are feeling you know it all,
and getting in trouble for that.
After you walk a few steps,
you'll notice the bridge is weak and full of gaps.
Some people get too scared,
and they just turn back.
But those who make the journey alive,
all know that on the other side, you can thrive.

That's a little more like the structure of a poem you would normally read, and little less run-on. It's not too much better, but it's a start. Keep working at it, and feel free to PM me with any questions you might have.

Mizzle wrote:Hey there, Sol. Nice seeing you around these poetry forums. ^__^

Anyhoo, this doesn't look like much of a poem to me. Poems don't need to rhyme, but they need form and rhythm to make it a true poem. I know it was your first try, so let's go ahead and see how we could improve this into an even better poem, 'kay?

Being a teenager is like passing through a bridge.
The first symptoms are feeling you know it all,
and getting in trouble for that.
After you walk a few steps,
you'll notice the bridge is weak and full of gaps.
Some people get too scared,
and they just turn back.
But those who make the journey alive,
all know that on the other side, you can thrive.

That's a little more like the structure of a poem you would normally read, and little less run-on. It's not too much better, but it's a start. Keep working at it, and feel free to PM me with any questions you might have.

Thanks, buddy!

Oy, you don't have to quote everybody's critique. A nice thank you PM or a post on our walls or a gift would be good enough.

Anyway, for the poem, one of the things I was wondering about was the Doctor. I don't know... he's kind of a mysterious character and it sounds like he's dead? So I would be interested in finding out who he is and why he's watching the narrator! Maybe he's symbolism for God? Play with it!

I think I've went through my "I know it all" phase back in 6Th grade... But still, don't worry about not rhyming. My poems rarely ever rhyme. If they do then it was an accident. By the way I like it!

Solvalery wrote: too scare,

Did you mean "too scared"? I'm just asking.

But they get to suffer from permanent immaturity, one of the worst ills

Wow that sounds like a few people I know who went to school with me.
Well that's all for now. Keep writing. bye.
~Lady purple.

But they get to suffer from permanent immaturity, one of the worst ills

Wow that sounds like a few people I know who went to school with me.
Well that's all for now. Keep writing. bye.
~Lady purple.

Hahahaha lol! You know what? I don't consider this a poem anymore... well, it doesn't look like one I would delete it... If I could hahaha! But thanks, buddy. Oh, and I love your knew avatar.

Hey, I'm Chardinay. It was good! I've never seen a poem full of quotes. A poem doesn't have to be made up of rhymes. I personally LOVE poems that don't rhyme, have strange stanzas, weird wording, and everything in between. I love poems like that just like i love your poem. I want to keep in touch w/ you!

I thought this was good. I liked your other poem about the star better, but considering this was your first poem, it was really good. Nice job!