Being a Teenager

EleanorRigby wrote:I thought this was good. I liked your other poem about the star better, but considering this was your first poem, it was really good. Nice job!

Hahahaha! Yeah, I'm not any good at poetry! Lol! And Actually I'm not proud of this poem, so I should probably "lock it"! hahaha But thanks

Hi Solvalery! HAHAHAHAHAHA, your poem has so much truth, its FUNNY! I think every person who is or has been a teenager can relate to this because everything you say is true. It really is a bridge between child and adulthood. And why do teenagers get in so much trouble, is it because we think we are right? Of course it is!! Your poem is the truth nothing more nothing less and I LOVE IT.
It is really great but next time put it into some sort of sequence. To make it look like a poem (that is my trick).
Thats really all you need to improve on.
Thanx for a great poem!!
watchmeburn

I love this! Well said. The only thing I can pick up on is that 'get to suffer from' makes it sound like a good thing, which it definitely isn't.

Solvalery wrote:So, I know this poem doesn't rhyme! This is the first poem I've ever write, it just came to my mind!

“Being a teenager is like passing through a bridge between being an adult and being a kid,” my Doctor said.
“The first symptoms are: 1.Feeling you know it all and 2.Getting in trouble for that
After you walk a few steps, you'll notice the bridge is weak and that there are some holes in it. Some people get too scare, and they run back to kid's ville. But they get to suffer from permanent immaturity, one of the worst ills.” He also told me “Don't you ever run back, I'll be watching you from my home, heaven, and I'll help you walk the line.”

So yes it's me again

Eventhough what I am about to correct is not included in your poem, but I have allergies against English errors:P

This is the first poem I've ever write

It should be, This is the first I've ever written

1.

passing through a bridge between

Okay sol, we do not pass through a bridge, we don't walk through walls and stones you know, we cross a bridge.

2.

Some people get too scare

I think you meant scared

This is very nice sol, good job, I enjoyed reading it. ^^

Loved it! Definitely true!

Poems do not have to rhyme, and this is pretty nice.

But I think that it does not really "feel" like a poem because of the flow. Poems need to be more fluid so the reader can just keep reading and focus on what he is reading instead of trying to make sense of what was read __ lines before or having to reread something before actually finishing the poem. I like this idea, though, and I have not heard of a poem like this. If you tweaked this poem a bit more, I am sure it would be wonderful!

I liked it. It was ok.

Lol. Thanks people! But it's horrible and is past! xD

Nice poem. It's just a little hard to read/review. Like someone said, maybe you could shorted the lines or use different wording.
For example-

“Being a teenager is like passing through a bridge between being an adult and being a kid,” my Doctor said.
“The first symptoms are:
1.Feeling you know it all
and 2.Getting in trouble for it.- sounds a heck of a lot smother when you don't say words like "that' in a poem.
After you walk a few steps, you'll notice the bridge is weak and that there are some holes in it. - maybe try " and it has a few holes. Or it is not as strong as blah blah blah....blurp blurp.
Some people get too scared,
and they run back to kid's ville.
But then they suffer from permanent immaturity, one of the worst illnesses.”
He also told me “Don't you ever run back, I'll be watching you from my home, heaven, and I'll help you walk the line.”

Also, you could add a lot more. This is a VERY meaty topic to talk about, and it has a lot of opportunities to practice you literary devices!
Don't be shy.
Talk about how teens run back to being kids and all of that good stuff.May the word choice be with you.

Hope this helps!
------
nerd sister out
-jojo

Ugh! I ran back, so now I'm permanently immature! I'm gonna have to run to get to the other side.