us together

Tell me you'll come back for me.
I could never live without your love.
I cant wait to feel your breathe on the back of my neck.
When you kiss me so softly and touch me so deeply.
I love the way you look at me.

For so long i loned for your love.
The lust i feel is beyond words.
The quite nights laying underneath the sky are my favorite ones.
Our late night conversations are the best ones.
So much in common.
Soo many deep thoughts.
We share alot together.
This is not just any relationship.
It is the best relashonship anyone could ever have.
And I know for a fact i would never find that with anybody else in this world filled with billions of people.
You my dear, Can not be explained.
You my dear, have nothing wrong with you in my eyes.
When your in pain, We can stand in the rain and cry together.
Nobody will no, because we are covered by the tears, the sky brings for us.
I'll be with you again.

Deep and emotional I like it! Romantic shorts are not my forte, but this feels much like a dramatic poem or something else of the sort. I would advise moving it.
As a review the poetry in this piece was quite present and flowed well, yet I would advise some revising and editing. There were some punctuation errors as well. So all and all re-read and play the janitor and clean up.
Again I say great work and nice first post as well!
-Dawn

This feels like lyric poetry to me...

I'll review it when your piece is moved to the Poetry section. No biggy. ^_^

Until then, welcome, welcome, welcome to the wonderful world of YWS! I'm Selene. *shakes hand* It's a pleasure to meet you.

Have you looked through YWS yet? Met any new friends? Well see, you have one now! If you'd like to make more friends (since this one you're talking to is crazy ) I'd suggest heading over to join some Groups or enter the YWS Chat. Another place where I made tons of friends was the Storybook section. It's incredibly entertaining, but I must warn you. It was terribly addicting. xD So go through YWS and see where everything is. You can even, since you're new, post on the Welcome Mat. People will welcome you and you'll make even more writing buddies!

I hope you have lots of fun here! PM me if you need anything.

~Selene

Moved to dramatic poetry, since this doesn't seem like a short story.

Hey trinaa!

Glad to see you posted this on the forums! Anyway, on to the critique!

First of all, you have a number of typos in this! For example, "quite" should be "quiet" and so on. So definitely look through this! Also, you said in the first line, "tell me you'll come back for me." But we really don't see any indication that he's left in the first place! So it's a bit confusing. Also, you might want to delve into the relationship particulars... maybe a sweet instance that makes it clear that they are meant to be together?

Have fun with this!