Controlled

I control
My future
My life
My past
My present
Myself....
Then why does
It feel like
Someone else
Is running it, running me?
I can see
That I may need guidance
But it's my choice if I take that guidance.
I know there are things
In my life
That I cannot control
But I feel like I should.
I can't
Because I am reliant
On those around me
Like a puppet and a puppeteer
I just wonder if I can still rely
On them
When I need them the most.
That is for them to answer
The question is
Will they choose to?
I may not control
Everything that happens in my life
But I do control the choice
On when
I make them happen.
I make the decision
Of when
I take control.

Hey I'm LastPaladin and I'm sorry to say this doesn't seem like a poem to me. It seems more like a cry for help you'd write in a blog. Sure it laid out poetically, but it doesn't make it a poem. You give us a pretty cliche concept and never explore the facets, leaving it with one huge rhetorical question.

I understand you're trying to let emotions out, but give us some imagery, make us feel the pain of not being in control. Give us something! Don't just recite some words and except it be a poem.

Work on what you're exploring, loss of control, so many things could compare it to. But there a famous poem called Not Waving, But Drowning which has pretty much same message.

Bring in the emotion, and imagery, bring in the raw powerful feelings. Don't hold back, let it all out.

Hope this helped.

Hi amandajo,

Welcome to YWS! Don't forget to leave some reviews and get to know the other members; I'm sure they'll be pleased to meet you

Re: your poem, well, I have to agree with LastPaladin in that it doesn't read much like a poem at the moment. You have an interesting premise - everyone feels like their life is being controlled by other people at one point of another, and will most likely identify with you a lot. However, at this point there's nothing here to draw our attention and get us involved.

Next time, I'd suggest doing some research on poetic devices like metaphors and similes, and perhaps reading some other poems around the site to get an idea of how you can better expand on your idea. Brainstorming helps too! Get a piece of paper and write down all the things you associate with being controlled. Don't be afraid to go a little wild - often the best ideas come from completely random places. And don't just settle for the first things that come into your head, either. Everyone thinks of puppets as being controlled, for example, but what about cars? Planes? Push yourself to find a new approach and I'm sure it will be worth it.

Hope that helps. Keep writing!

Cheers,
~bubbles

thanks that did help a little i can see what you mean. i didnt actually specify. i was trying to say that there are so many things to be controlled by but i guess it didnt come out right. i'll tell you when i finish it. thanks.