Players and Audiences *Edited*

Many are the princes acting
in roles either too small or
too large, never satisfied
that there is not a
monarch to behold their
toils and strife, that
we are not a captive audience
set to watch a swelling
scene that is not a
subplot of our own play—
where we are princes
vexed that we
are not the ones
being watched.

*

A/N- Multiple lines/phrases have been taken from one of Shakespeare's plays. This clip to be exact. But you don't need to watch the clip to understand the poem (at least I hope not!). As for needing to know the play, you shouldn't need to know about it either because I don't myself, lol

Edit notes- Grammar, line-breaks and one word change

Original:

Spoiler

Many are the princes acting
in roles either too small or
too large, never satisfied
that there is not a
monarch to behold their
toils and strife, that
we are not a captive audience
set to watch a swelling
scene that is not a
subplot of our own play,
where we are princes,
frustrated that we are
not the ones
being watched

I rather like this. It is very much like Shakespeare. It is very efficient, no wasted lines. I wish I had more to say about it.

Mmkay.

So, as Grif said, this is good because it is efficient. It doesn't need the imagery, the description, that some poems do - by not using them you are detracting from your poem but rather creating something different that captures the theme better.

I read through the prologue to Henry V, as it's not one of Shakespeare's plays I'm familiar with (which is a shame, really, because I feel that knowing the play would give me a deeper understanding of your poem). Anyway, I read it through, and was half expecting to see lines from your poem easily recognisable and scattered liberally through the prologue. And I was happy: they weren't. You used the prologue in a subtle way - it influenced your poem, and was used in a your poem, but in a way that it also becomes your own in a way that it wouldn't if you simply copy and pasted.

Okay, so I'm sorry. You said rip it if I could, but I'm not sure I can. The way you've written it, in such a concise way, leaves little to change. It all fits in together and I don't want to be the one to attempt to change or unravel lines that work well together.

Apologies for the slight uselessness, but you did a lovely job with this.

Hi Rosey Unicorn,

Here's the review you requested

To be honest, I saw this poem yesterday but didn't comment on it, mostly because there really isn't much I can say! Like Grif and AquaMarine, I think it's wonderfully concise and it conveys a single, central idea with economy of imagery and language. I love the way it kind of folds back on itself, so that the "princes" of the first line are themselves watched by other princes who are in turn similarly frustrated. It reminds me of a mirror poem; kind of mind-bending, but in a good way.

One thing you might think about is putting a full stop somewhere in there. I kind of got a sense as I was reading it that I needed to take a mental 'breath' somewhere, but I'm not entirely sure where and part of me thinks that's necessary for the theme, so. Your decision! Either way, I like this piece. Well done

Cheers,
~bubbles

Flower here, and I will be your review for today. Like everyone else I read this, but did not review it simply because I could find anything to talk about. I will try though haha.


Many are the princes acting
in roles either too small or
too large, never satisfied
that there is not a
monarch to behold their
toils and strife, that
we are not a captive audience I don't understand the use of captive. Shouldn't it be captivated, or are you sticking with the older language?
set to watch a swelling
scene that is not a
subplot of our own play,
where we are princes,
frustrated that we are This line seems rushed compared to the other lines.
not the ones
being watched. I love how you ended this!

*

Alright, as you can see I didn't really have any nitpics at all. I know you didn't need to use imagery in this poem, but I think it somewhat detracts from the beauty of the poem. I think some description would be nice to have, but that's really up to you.

I think you did a wonderful job on the flow in this poem. Besides the line I talked about above, it is not rushed at all. Your punctuation is also flawless.

Well dang Rosey! You left me nothing to review my friend. This was a really great poem.

Keep Writing

-Flower-

Hey there, Rosey!

To tell the truth, this does remind me of Shakespeare, at a first glance.

Anyway, this is quite short (for me =D), and I couldn't find any errors. The main thing that caught my attention was that the poem presented a subject that I could relate to, and it made me think about the truthfulness of the ideas and thoughts that were presented.

Overall, nice job. Keep it up!

Hey Rosey!

I liked this... Shakespeare uses such beautiful language and you did a good job assembling his lines and putting it together as your own! My main problem with this poem is a very slight problem... I don't like the word "frustrated." Which is a kind of minor thing, but it just seems so weak with everything else.

Still, nice poem!

Hi, Rosey!
I luffed this! Like everyone else said, this really reminds me of Shakespeare. I'd like to be able to give some constructive criticism here, but you've done wonderfully with this poem.
I think it has been mentioned above, though, that it ran on without ending for pretty much the whole stanza and I felt myself needing a mental breath. Maybe that's just me.
Smiles! Have a good day!
-Mizz

Hey Rosey. I figured, to say thank you for your help yesterday, I would at least give you a review. It was the least I could do for you.

As far as the poem goes, I like this a lot, Rosey. There’s just one itty bitty thing that bothered me.
Many are the princes acting

The feels funny here. But it’s not wrong either. It’s just the one thing about this poem that kind of bothered me. Nothing major.

But you did a great job of writing in this sort of modern Shakespearean tone. Great job, Rosey. And thanks again!

~lilymoore