Reality

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Reality

Alyce stuck her head out the door of her office, making sure that the Texna-Port man wasn’t there early. The hall was empty, so she quickly hid the little computer chip in her pocket, and walked out. The metal door plaques reflected the light in her eyes. Nuevo Spacetronix, Nuevo Spacetronix, every one of the 20 doors mocked her as she walked by, making her ashamed of what she was doing. But she had to. The information would be taken by Texna-Port whether she was alive or not, and, given the choice, she would rather live.

It wasn’t like it mattered anyway. She frowned. That was what she hadn’t figured out yet. The information they had ordered her to retrieve was research deemed useless more than ten years ago.
Alyce was still thinking about it as she walked. What did a failed space suit have to do with the biggest machine company in the world? Sure, they could use the technology, but it wasn’t anything incredible.
She turned the corner, and paused in front of the first door on the right. The second level conference room. The man had told her to meet him there because the room had no security cameras, just microphones to record sound.
Alyce swiped her key to unlock the conference room door, took three steps, and ran right into a wall. If she had been looking, she would have noticed it. A hazy shape, shimmering in and out of sight.
The shape grabbed her wrestling her to the ground. Alyce was still stunned by running into it, so she hardly fought back. Five seconds later, the fact hit her that something was pinning her to the ground. Instinct took over.
Alyce struggled away from her captor. She got up and started running for the door, but the thing tackled her from behind. Again, it pinned her to the floor. She wiggled, but this time she could not get up.
The thing, apparently human, suddenly called out
“Okay, you can come in now.”
Alyce’s heart was beating hard. What was going on? She recognized that voice…
She heard the click as the door was opened. She couldn’t see much from on the floor, but she hoped the person who had just entered was of the friendly sort.
“Alyce Turnbell,” the person said. Alyce nearly had a heart attack! That was the voice of her boss!

Alyce looked at the carpet for a moment, disgust building inside of her.
“All right, hold the phone!” she yelled. “I want a word with you, John!”
And then everyone froze. Literally. The invisible person and her boss were completely frozen in place. Alyce wormed her way out from underneath her attacker, and headed for the door. Nobody tried to stop her. At the moment, they had no comprehension of what was going on.
Alyce stepped through the slightly open conference room door into the hallway. A man was standing in the hall. John Oxheart- currently the only other person in the world who could move.

“What?” he asked, annoyed. “I was on a roll!”
“Yeah, a roll right down a mountain, and into a black hole!” she replied, sarcastically.
“How am I supposed to get out of this one?” she continued. “My boss working for the bad guys? You couldn’t have thought of anything better than that? Plus,” she railed, not giving John time to interrupt. “I am willing to bet money that you put my best friend in that invisibility suit thing! Yes, I know it’s an invisibility suit.” she added when she saw John’s surprised face

“Hey,” John said, finally getting a word in. “You are my character; you are supposed to do what I say!” he shot back at her. “And so what if your best friend is in the suit. I get to write the story, not you.” he said more quietly

Alyce snorted, but she couldn’t disagree- it was true. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t had this fight before. Three-hundred pages of the book were done, and Alyce agreed with about five of them. But it wasn’t up to her. She was just John’s main character.
“Fine.” she conceded grudgingly. “Just remember that I’m a regular person, not superman!”

A thoughtful look came into Johns eyes.
“Oh, no, don’t you even think it!” Alyce said with horror in her voice. “I am not wearing any tight superman suit and cape. That I will downright refuse to do!”

“All right, all right.” sighed John.
“Just lighten up on the plot, will ya’!” Alyce said after a moment.
“Fine.” John replied, “But get back in there so I can finish writing this part!”
“Okay. All right.” Alyce mumbled as she turned and walked back into the conference room. She lay down on the floor and wriggled back underneath the invisible person, whom she had left hanging in the air.

The world slowly started to unfreeze. Alyce looked up towards the door. She groaned and dropped her head back to the carpet. On a coat rack by the door, waving in a non-existent breeze, was a bright red cape.
Unless somone like you cares a whole aweful lot
Nothing is going to get better, it's not

- The Lorax, Dr. Suess




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Hi Sage, welcome to YWS! I'm peanut and I'm gonna try to help with this.


If she had been looking, she would have noticed it. A hazy shape, shimmering in and out of sight.


Here, you can take out the period and make it a comma. Because the second sentence isn't really a sentence ;)

Five seconds later, the fact hit her that something was pinning her to the ground.


If you take the bold words and put them at the end of the sentence it will sound better. "The fact that something was pinning her to the ground hit her."

but she hoped the person who had just entered was of the friendly sort.


She was just attacked and pinned to the floor, why would Alyce think that anyone she was about to run into would be nice?

>>>characters:
Alyce seemed a little confused. Her attitude was different when she was interacting with the author, she was more sarcastic and stubborn. But when she was faced with the attacker she was optimistic and oblivious. Your author is making her something completely different then how she acts toward him, which I guess is what he is supposed to be doing but it confused me a little bit. But I guess characters do have a mind of their own ;)

I liked this story; be sure to tell me if you write more. Good luck and I hope I helped.
~peanut~
There is a light in you, a Vision in the making with sorrow enough to extinguish the stars. I can help you.
~And The Light Fades


The people down here are our zombies, who should be dead or not exist but do.
~Away From What We Started


P.S Got YWS?




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Hola mi Amigo! I'll check this out for you, und welkommen to YWS! :D

Alyce stuck her head out the door of her office, making sure that the Texna-Port man wasn’t there early #FF0000 ">walking down the hallway. The hall was empty, so she quickly #FF0000 ">shoved the little computer chip in#FF0000 ">to her pocket, and walked out. The metal door plaques reflected the light in her eyes. Nuevo Spacetronix, Nuevo Spacetronix, every one of the 20 doors mocked her as she walked by, making her ashamed of what she was doing. But she had to. The information would be taken by Texna-Port whether #FF0000 ">or not she was alive or not, and, given the choice, she would rather liver not.
It's always nice to start with action, but often times it takes away from your story. Who the heck is Alyce? She has an office? How old is she? We don't know anything about the setting or the characters or anything, really. Remember not to use adverbs. The sections marked in #FF0000 ">redare small little things I edited in :) The bluesections are ones that gave me little "what the heck?" moments. And there are a lot of those in this little first paragraph thing.

It wasn’t like it mattered anyway. What is "it?" her life? Cause that's what you were basiclaly just talking about. And I think her life is very important. Or at least it should be to her. She frowned. That was what she hadn’t figured out yet. The information they had ordered her to retrieve was research deemed useless more than ten years ago.
This makes it kinda interesting, and also answers a couple questions. I don't get why she was so nervous in the first scene though.

I'm too lazy to do the rest of this. Overall, I didn't see any major grammatical errors. Nice.

Yeeee,
Lena
stay gold, ponyboy



Talent is something that comes from within; it has nothing to do with age.
— AURORA