Zombies Want My Brain, part 3 *also Revised*

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6689
Reviews 50
Again, I want brutal honesty.

And now I am in full-on freak out mode.

It’s not until after Max hangs up that I realize that I’m gripping the phone so hard my knuckles have turned white and I’ve stopped breathing. I stand there in a state of shock with Roxy for a couple of minutes.

Finally, she breaks the silence. “Alright, I guess I believe him now. Do you?”

I don’t reply.

“Are you OK?” she asks with concern.

I snap back to reality. “Yeah. Umm… I’m fine.” I fake a smile.

My mind is swarming with thoughts. Max said he needed me, definitely a plus in the crushing-on-your-best-friend-without-him-knowing-so-your-friendship-isn’t-awkward scenario that is my life. And on the overwhelmingly down side, Max needs me to save him and his good friend Finny from a swarm of brain-eating, flesh-craving zombies that could attack either of them at any moment and infect them with decay and an overwhelming desire to chomp down on some soft tissues.

At this thought, I suddenly spring into action, preparing for what is to come. I am running around my apartment, looking for anything that could help us.

“Roxy,” comes my muffled holler as I dig through a closet.

“Yeah?” she asks.

“I need you to empty my school bag and yours and fill them with enough provisions to last us at least a week.”

“With enough what?” I can hear her right behind me.

“PROVISIONS! Food, Roxy!” I yell at her as I emerge from the back of my closet with a few hammers.

“Sheesh! I’m right here; no need to shout,” she says, heading for the little kitchenette.

“Sorry,” comes my reply as I kneel down to look under my bed for the gun my dad gave me before I went off to college.

Ten minutes later the two of us, laden with over-stuffed backpacks, are sneaking down the hallway on our way to my truck when we run right into something.

At first we both scream, because we think it is a zombie.

Then when we see it is Creepy Carl with the cockroach farms, we scream again, only louder.

“Hello, ladies,” he says as he leans against the door leading outside. He probably thinks he’s being cool, and he might have looked a little less than usually awkward if the door he chose to lean against wasn’t “to remain unlatched during all hours”.

As soon as he hits the floor, we are running. We don’t stop until we reach my truck, wheezing and out of breath.

The streets are quiet as we drive to the mall. Now, I’m not saying the streets are usually bustling with people, but normally you pass a soul or two.

This time there is no one.

No humans.

No zombies.

When we pass Memorial Park, we see why.

“Whoa,” Roxy breathes.

What seems to be the entire population of Little Creek (all 2, 395 people) is gathered. Except, they don’t look like people, at least, not the kind you and I are used to. They aren’t rotting, but they don’t talk or even move. They don’t even appear to be breathing. Instead, they are just staring at the raised platform in the center of the park, the raised platform where about twenty decaying corpses are standing, maggot-infested arms raised, mouths agape in a silent cry for war. They survey the crowd with angry faces; they do not talk.

I suppose they can’t. One holds up a sign that reads:
“Attak them al! kil them! Eet ther brains!”

Roxy reads the sign and stifles a laugh. But she shouldn’t be worried that her laugh will draw attention to us.

Let’s just say that, unfortunately, the engine of my truck is not the most silent.

As we pass, 2,415 heads turn slowly toward us, only 20 of them green and mottled. 2,395 of them look like regular humans, but paler, and with blood-shot eyes.

One of the head zombies point to us and groans in a way that clearly means, “Get them!”

Needless to say, I slam on the gas and we peel out and away, the zombies following very, very, very slowly behind.
Last edited by Nebesah on Sat Jun 12, 2010 5:14 am, edited 2 times in total.
My sister: I'll never forget that day... It was raining wasn't it?
Me: ...no.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Need a review? PM me and I will take care of it. :]

**previously known as EAHailstone**




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 9692
Reviews 3900
Woooooo!

Okay, so this was the most boring chapter of them so far. :P Instead of having her think to herself, what if she thought aloud and Roxy kept interrupting her. Like:

"Hmm... we need to make them rot faster."

"Um... Samantha? Are you okay?"

Or something like that! That way, it's way more quirky.

Also! You don't have to tell us EVERYTHING. Besides, that's a little boring. So instead of hearing all her thoughts, just show us the rush and madness. That's more interesting anyway. ;)

Oh! And a little shallowness goes a long way. Consider describing your single hotties. ;)
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 805
Reviews 336
Hey,

I again liked this but as Snoink said, it got a little boring towards the end. What I don't understand is her age. At first, I thought she was around 14 to 15. Now with the mentioning of cars and guns for pervy frat boys in college, I'm assuming she's much older. Maybe you should give us a hint there. :) I love the Creepy Carl bit. But-*le gasp* what if he's a zombie too?!?! Lol, :D


~Jasmine Bells~
I am nothing
but a mouthful of 'sorry's, half-hearted
apologies that roll of my tongue, smoothquick, like 'r's
or maybe like pocket candy
that's just a bit too sweet.

~*~




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 9692
Reviews 3900
Eek! Definitely better!

A couple more thoughts:

- Describe Creepy Carl! What exactly makes him creepy?

- Next, this does NOT seem like a college-kids story. Sorry. They seem more like they belong in high school, lol. Not that this is a bad thing -- I think if it were a bunch of college kids, it would be boring, lol. High school is waaaay more fun. Especially the thought of Samantha wielding a rifle? AWESOME.

- Little Creek is little! I want to see more description of the individual people of the town... it would make it a lot more fun! :)
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D



Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.
— Corrie Ten Boom