Life, what is it? I find myself questioning its existence all the time. The fact that I can feel the cold wet drops of rain on my skin now does that mean I’m alive? Well I don’t feel alive ,I haven’t for a long time .people rush past me not even noticing me , can’t they see me , I doubt they can. I scream. But no one turns around, no one sees me, not even one. I can’t feel the rain anymore, even that sensation is gone. It’s been like that from the beginning, at first I can feel or smell something and then the next I can’t. I’ll lose it all pretty soon all of it will be gone, the sweet sensations of life. I’m dead aren’t I? This is the first time it’s accrued to me. That’s it I’m dead , but how? How did I become like this? It all seems like a distant memory now. I remember a name. My name? It doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing does. I stop weeping, it won’t help. I walk towards a building with a vivid sign on it. What does it say? I don’t remember. I walk inside, the man at the counter looks at the door confused. Probably wondering why it suddenly opened. It's a shop with different kinds of ....of ........sweets. That’s what their called. I remember being in here once. I think I even remember the man at the counter. He seems so familiar; it hurts to look at him. I begin to cry again. He seems to sense my presence some people can. He looks straight at me for a second almost as if he can see me. He has blue d eyes , I’ve seen eyes like that before ones that have lost their way , eyes like that make me miserable , all of its so familiar. A women walks into the store. She’s quite plump with an expensive looking coat on. She too seems familiar.
“Philip what’s wrong you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I thought I saw her .......just for a moment.”
The woman looks sympathetically at the man.
“She’s gone phil.”
“I know, I know.” He whispers
Phil, yes I can remember now he was at the funeral he looked like it was hardest on him. He’s my .... My........ , I can’t remember I just can’t.
“I know she’s gone Amanda, Lucy’s gone. He says his voice trailing off.
“I know this has been hard on you Phil but it will get better.”
“Yes, yes their anything you need, I have something to do.”
“No ...I, I wanted to check up on you I wanted to see if you were ok.”
“Yes I’m fine.”
“Do you need anything? I could...”
“It’s ok Amanda thank you.”
The women takes one last sympathetic look at him then leaves.
He locks the door and turns the sign to let people know the store is closed. There is a door behind the counter he opens it and walks down a flight of stairs I decide to follow him. The room is dark. There is a chair in the middle of the room and a rope attached to the ceiling. He writes something on a piece of paper and puts it next to the chair. He climbs on the chair. I final realise what he’s about to do.
“Stop......don’t!” I scream but it doesn’t matter he doesn’t hear me. He ties the rope around his neck.
“Lucy, Lucy.” He whispers to himself and then he does it. He lets go of life. Something I would have traded anything for. I begin to weep I look at his cold lifeless face again. He’s my ... my .........father. This only makes me weep even louder.
I feel something, someone is touching my hand. I turn to look at my father. He is staring at his body with a look of grief and shame on his face.
“Lucy I’m sorry.” He says
“Its ok dad, it’s ok.”
i say trying to comfort him , i know its wrong but i'm happy he's here.
“We have to go.” I say, not sure why the words have came out of my mouth.
“I know.” Is all he sais
I take his hand and lead him into true death.
My main critique is not going to be on the plot or characters, because I didn't see a big problem there. This is unusual, but not a bad thing--it's much easier to fix grammar and spelling than plot.