Soul Mate

Soul mate

Inside of me there is a hunger
something eating me from the inside
Tearing me appart
piece by piece
Stealing my heart
it's a sickening decease

There is this place that I cant feel
something inside, have managed to it steal

Because no thoughts are placed
No problems are faced
Nothing there to be replaced
I feel empty

It’s a god damn hole
Missing part of my soul
Swallowing me whole

I can feel the wreath of something missing
my heart and soul, all dissmissing
it's not the pain of guns and knives
it's the pain from loosing all of my lives

There is an empty place
With nothing to replace
Except your face

Your skin
Your smell
Your voice
Your kiss
You and you

If I only knew who you were

This is this place saved for you
And therefore I need you
You have to fill it out
It’s what love is about
Our love at least
The beauty and the beast

But on the inside, i'm still empty
longing for something i cant find
my inside is selfish, it's blind
i'm trembling, it hurts
when invisible teeth dig into my soul
feeding on it, creating a big black whole

And this monster is nobody
but nobody is killing me
and what i need to stop it
is somebody
somebody you

Knowing you’re all I need
To my inner hunger feed
i try to find you
but who are you
where are you
when are you
are you at all?

Wy don’t you show
Why laying low
When I need you
Where are you

This empty hole inside
It didn’t wait for your time to bide
It just came
As ice and flame
A war between me and me
But where were you

It sucked me up
Couldn’t stop
When it took me
I couldn’t flee
When it hurt me
I couldn’t scream
It was no dream
Real pain
So insane
Where were you
Soul mate, where are you?

Come to me please
Cure me from this decease
That is called heart ache
Save me for goodness sake
How can you hurt so much?
When I’ve never felt your touch
Never heard your voice
Never had the choice
Of hugging you
Of kissing you

How can I feel?
What I feel
So unreal
A broken seal
That nobody broke
A hole in the oak
Like the hole in me
Killing me

You are my soul mate
But I don’t even know your name
We are fate
But you’re also the killing aim
I’m dying
Life is lying
It has promised me you
But I don’t know you
Don’t know where you are
Don’t even know if you exist

Just, you are the one my heart wants
That holds my soul with enchants
So you should not leave me here
Alone in painful fear
You should find me
And take me
And love me
And want me
And be here
Where I can find you

Find me, soul mate
And cover me up
Inside I’m empty
Empty for you

This has more of a lyric-feel to me than poetry, but this might be just me.

I can’t feel it inside of me
And all I want to do is flee
Because it isn’t inside of me
Because there is nothing to see

Redundant: you're telling us the exact same thing in those two close lines, and it destroys the flow of information right away. Remove of them, or change it so it brings something new.

Because no thoughts are placed
No problems are faced
Nothing there to be replaced

It’s a god damn hole
Missing part of my soul
Swallowing me whole

There is an empty place
With nothing to replace
Except your face

This sequence is pretty flat. Cliche images, wishy-washy angst and the sentences don't even really flow well into one another. Rework. Give it some originality. Stop repeating yourself.

This is this place saved for you
And therefore I need you
You have to fill it out
It’s what love is about
Our love at least
The beauty and the beast
I don’t know who you are
But I know you’re someone far

Still it is so
That I don’t know you
So how can I love you?
When I don’t know where you are

Repetition, again. "You're someone far" is very awkward. The question mark at "how can I love you" should be moved to the end of the next verse. Content here again is ripe with very common images, and reads like any cut-and-paste 'my love is far away and I am desolate' type of story.

Knowing you’re all I need
To my inner hunger feed

A tip: don't torture your sentence structure for the sake of rhyming. That second verse is horribly clunky.

I could go on for a while. Everything that comes next suffers from the same things I've pointed out above: lots of repetition, overused ideas, shaky grammar/syntax/structure. Also, careful about your punctuation - you seem to be touch and go with the question mark. Either you use it or you don't, but for the love of all that is good and holy, take one and stick with it.

To be honest, this seemed sort of more of a teenage-angst poem than anything else. I think Jagged did a good job of really touching down on the points that need to be fixed--grammar, uniqueness, cliches, syntax, etc. Like he/she also said, the rhyme felt really forced. A poem doesn't have to rhyme; don't sacrifice the words to that belief. If you find that there's a rule book for poetry, I suggest tossing it out the window. There is one thing (in my opinion) that poetry needs, and that's rhythm. Voice, too. But rhythm and rhyme are two completely different things.
I'm probably digressing now. My point is, find a creative and open-minded way of expressing your emotions through poetry without making it seem angsty and cliche. Difficult? Very. But dig a little deeper, you'll be able to do it.

Thanxx for your reply,, i can agree on some but i dont think u really get my point sometimes.
For example "my inner hunger feed" it was no emergency rhyme.. it points to the whole inside of her, that i've been explaining through the entire poem. So, no i wont remove that, but i will try change some other things.. but about me repeating myself.. it was really point. it's the same thing i talk about over and over, explaining it in different ways. It's not a story telling a new thing after each sentence.. it's one little feeling one, little whish being told over and over.. .Got it??

If it wasn't just for the rhyme, then move the 'feed' back between 'my' and 'inner' instead of leaving it dangling where it is. It's extremely awkward as it is right now, and it just deters from the reading.
As for the repetition - I see what you're going for, but you're not going at it right. There's a difference between iterations on a theme and simply saying the same thing over and over again with little to no variation.

Okay, so you dont like it, but i got it, you dont have to repeat it over and over.. it doesnt make it better.

Hey Demoness!

First of all, I found this very repetitious. But I think that was your intention. Still, I didn't quite find your imagery really grabbing... you talked about the hole and how you didn't fill it and how it was eating you inside and how you needed your soul mate... but really, you didn't really go into depth in any of these images, which made it somewhat uninteresting.

For instance, let's take the image of it eating you. Consider what this means: the emptiness is EATING you. How does this feel? Instead of just saying, "It's eating me!" what if you went through the actual process of digestion? Of being bitten and ground by teeth, slipping away helplessly into the gullet until, imprisoned by the stomach's walls, acid tears apart your flesh, molecule by molecule, until even the scream stuck in your throat dissolved?

That's an awful image, mind you. You can imagine it much more vividly and it horrifies. It doesn't repeat... it doesn't have to. It sticks in your mind too hard for it to be easily removed. But that's the point. Right now, you're using repetition as a way to make it powerful, but that just isn't working. Instead, craft a poem using strong images. And don't just tell the readers about your pain of separation, of being killed off slowly by an emptiness which shows no hope of ever being filled. Show it to them... make them live it.

And don't just dwell on the narrator, or "yourself." On and on, you talk about me, myself, and I. It's all about what "I need." No! Don't give your needs away! Make the reader identify with your narrator so absolutely that the reader can't help but think, "I am that person and I need this."

You see, we're all human. We all know acutely what it feels like to feel empty. We all despair, we all wonder if this is all there is. We all wonder sometime whether anybody would ever love us, unconditionally. This is all in us. So stop trying to tell us what you feel -- we know what you feel! -- and rather unlock this despair in us. And then, you will have a great poem.