animus

learning to breathe takes some of us a long, long time
while others never learn at all.
for it takes talent to find oxygen in an air-starved world;
courage to inhale it, and risk the contamination
of carbon dioxide and a manifest of other evils.
and just like blue eyes, or black hair,
some of us are born with it.
some of us are not.

so I was wondering, today, if you could breathe at all;
if you ever gasped and grasped and fought
for something unseen.
does your mind hunger
for that life-giving breath?
does your body wait and hope and wonder
what it feels like to be alive?

there are times when I thought that I was dead,
and then I looked at you
and wondered:
what defines life, if not
the desire
to breathe?

I like the last stanza, but otherwise I think it's rather... um... awkward. I don't know... I think it's because I came from a chemistry class, but the first thought was, "If we breathe just pure oxygen, then we can't handle it well. We need a mixture of nitrogen and oxygen."

Long live the science geeks!

But aside from that, there were some lines that seemed awkward. For instance:

"for it takes talent to find oxygen in an air-starved world;"

The words in italics just seem too wordy. And there's other words like that. I don't think I like "manifest" just because it takes to long to get through, compared with the poem. If that makes any sense at all.

As far as your question goes? I have to take my inhaler now. Whenever I get sick, I get really sick and asthmatic. So... yeah. I love breathing. And it sucks to have you chest heave and ache, yet no air seems to be coming through. And you keep on coughing, gasping for air, sometimes doubled over, eyes bulging out, chest heaving, and heat pounding, loudly at first, but as you continue, it gets softer. It really really sucks. Especially when you're trying to get some water, but you can't really get the water because you don't have enough strength to turn the faucet. And your family's too busy watching TV to help.

Hm....

Well, I wasn't incredibly fond of this as a poem. It was a good question to ponder, to expand the horizon of thoughts. However, though it makes us think, it is telling us to answer a question that you've given, not a question that will arise. It is not to interpret. It's more like journal that you tried to put into a poetic form. You should keep this for yourself, because if you refer to it, you could probably answer it for yourself. That would be the poem you're trying to write.

I thought it was great. You took something so philosophical and open to personal interpretation and linked it with something as concrete as science, and I think it worked exceedingly well. Keep up the great work.

I liked the flow, as usual, but I actually didn't feel very interested while reading this poem at all - which is strange, because I know you are generally so adept at coming up wih new things, or putting the old into a fresher light! I reckon this is a work in progress, or a random thought that was lodged at the back of your mind and didn't quite come out on paper quite right; it's kind of really obvious, really clear, really literal, I guess, what yor poem is about. It would benefit from an element of mystery. Something new. An instance, the feel of drowning in air, something original, creative, imaginative. Otherwise, I'd say it was well-written and well-structured.