Promised Place

Where the moon glows tenderly in the night sky, I'm longing for you.
I had a hunch the first time I met you, you were my moon.

Slowly time flows, nothing changes..
Loneliness turns its pages.. one by one. one by one.
I'm still waiting for you.


Come.. come dance with me, look me in the eye.
Tell me you won't betray me until I die.
Hold me, kiss me, let me feel the warmth,
Let my wounds heal,
Let me feel I'm real.

Don't cry for me, for I'll be there for you.
Your voice breathes life in me,
I feel I can laugh again.


..you're so close, yet I can't touch your heart.
I wish for you the most, yet our souls are so far apart.

Come... come to me to the place where no one ages,
Where there are no dark ages.
Only our eternal harmony of life.

Tell me I'm your dear,
I'll whisper to you anything you want to hear..
Just don't let go of my hand.

Forever and ever,
I'll be waiting here, for you,
In the promised place,
May in our next life we meet and treasure each other again.

Forever and ever.

Until all the feathers of life wither away.

Wooow. It is like I am watching a round of well deserved chick flicks. Wait, that is an understatement; what I mean is, one of those movies set in the Victorian times.
And when you write,
"Come... come to me to the place where no one ages,
Where there are no dark ages.
Only our eternal harmony of life."
that is so cool. It gives me goosebumps. This poem is like the wife of the cousin, twice removed, to Shakespeare's poem, 'Let me not to the marriage of true minds'. Yep!

I also got the very Victorian Shakespeare feel from this poem which I think really says quite a bit about your character. All the same I shall refrain from such discussions and continue with the poetry. So although this poem definitely conveys a very strong message, I think it can be improved by some slight tweaks.
First off where you have a .. put a comma unless it is at the front of the line. This will give it more value just grammar-wise but still keep the same feeling. ..'s are somewhat amateurish due to the fact that they have no name. At least with an ellipsis (...) there is a grammatical way to translate the sign.
Next, consider putting repeated words on different lines such as "One by one. One by one." If you put the second One by one on a line all itself it will better expose it and make the poem clearer instead of just looking as though you wrote something twice. This will also make it feel even more grammatically correct.
Last, this is a personal choice. If you wish, you can go through and after each comma, make it a new line. Sometimes this helps emphasize the commas and give the poem a more exact feel as to how it is suppose to be read.

Thats quit an interesting poem I love your use of words except for the unecessary repetion.
Also this line "..you're so close, yet I can't touch your heart.
I wish for you the most, yet our souls are so far apart" would have made more sense if it was after line 6 it woul read like this
Slowly time flows, nothing changes..
Loneliness turns its pages.. one by one. one by one.
I'm still waiting for you.

..you're so close, yet I can't touch your heart.
I wish for you the most, yet our souls are so far apart.

Come.. come dance with me, look me in the eye.
Tell me you won't betray me until I die.
Hold me, kiss me, let me feel the warmth,
Let my wounds heal,
Let me feel I'm real.

Hey Kanade!

Hmm... I like the lines, but they seem a little disjointed as they are together! I would probably reorder the sequence of the poem to:

I had a hunch the first time I met you, you were my moon.

Come.. come dance with me, look me in the eye.
Tell me you won't betray me until I die.
Hold me, kiss me, let me feel the warmth,
Let my wounds heal,
Let me feel I'm real.

Don't cry for me, for I'll be there for you.
Your voice breathes life in me,
I feel I can laugh again.

Where the moon glows tenderly in the night sky, I'm longing for you--
you're so close, yet I can't touch your heart.
I wish for you the most, yet our souls are so far apart.

Come... come to me to the place where no one ages,
Where there are no dark ages.
Only our eternal harmony of life.

Tell me I'm your dear,
I'll whisper to you anything you want to hear..
Just don't let go of my hand.

Forever and ever,
I'll be waiting here, for you,
In the promised place,
May in our next life we meet and treasure each other again.
Until all the feathers of life wither away.

Heya
Here to review as requested! I'm not very good at critiquing poetry so you'll have to bare with me!

Where the moon glows tenderly in the night sky, I'm longing for you.
I had a hunch the first time I met you, you were my moon. I thought that this was a really sweet opening! My only issue is that I'm not to keen on the repetition of the word moon. Maybe replace the second 'moon' with something like 'everything'? So it would be, like, you were my everything. That's just a suggestion though.

Slowly time flows, nothing changes..#FF0000 ">. I like ... instead of .. Yeah, I'm fussy like that.
Loneliness turns its pages..#FF0000 ">. one by one. #FF0000 ">One by one.
I'm still waiting for you.


Come..#FF0000 ">. come dance with me, look me in the eye.
Tell me you won't betray me until I die.
Hold me, kiss me, let me feel the warmth,
Let my wounds heal,
#FF0000 ">Let me feel I'm real.
This line bugged me a bit, it kind of sounded awkward. Maybe you could change it to something else, something a bit smoother?

Don't cry for me, for I'll be there for you.
Your voice breathes life #FF0000 ">in me, I think that 'into' would sound better here.
I feel I can laugh again.


..[color=#FF0000]. You're so close, yet I can't touch your heart.
I wish for you the most, yet our souls are so far apart.[/color]
I liked this part! It kind of sounded like a song.

Come... come to me to the place where no one ages,
Where there are no dark ages.
Only our eternal harmony of life.
Ooooo! I liked this stanza!

Tell me I'm your dear,
I'll whisper to you anything you want to hear..#FF0000 ">.
Just don't let go of my hand.

Forever and ever,
I'll be waiting here, for you,
In the promised place,
#FF0000 ">May in our next life we meet and treasure each other again.
This line was phrased kind of awkwardly. The start of the line was the awkward part, just try and sort that out!

Forever and ever.

Until all the feathers of life wither away. Great finishing line!

Overall

Although this poem was a bit on the cliché side because of the whole 'love' theme, I really liked it! I thought that it was really sweet and you made it original, thank God!
I loved the way you varied your stanzas and some of the descriptions you used were very, very nice. I especially like your last line, it was a really nice ending.

My main critique is about the structure of this, I think. I agree with Snoink; your lines can sometimes seem a little disjointed. I think that you might have edited it since Snoink's review, but I'm still finding some awkward lines. I pointed out the ones that bothered me. All that you need to do is maybe consider rephrasing them somehow, just so that the poem flows better. Not many people know this, but the flow of a poem is actually really important. Without a nice flow, a poem can be annoying to read. Sometimes, it can even make the poem not sound like a poem.

My only other real nit-pick is the odd grammar mistake. You sometimes forget to put capital letters where they are needed. You also do '..' instead of '...' which seems to annoy me, for some reason. This might be more of a personal thing though, but I'm pretty sure that '...' is correct. This is a seriously easy problem to solve, just remember to use three dots instead of one. As for the capital letters, you don't have to use them at the beginning of every line. Thankfully, you don't actually do this. You need to remember to use them following a period. You also need a capital letter after you us '...' or '..' in your case. Sorry I'm calling them '...' by the way, I don't know what they're actually called...

Negatives aside, I really did enjoy reading this. I loved some of your descriptions. They were unique and original, well done! I loved how you took a cliché theme but made it different. Your use of original descriptions helped you achieve this as well as the structure of the poem. I also liked the idea of the poem itself, it had a really good, strong message in it.

Keep writing!

xoxo Skins

I liked this very much, but it had some issues. Firstly, you often forget a period: "Come..come" should be "Come... come." I also think it would be nicer if you put a semicolon there instead of three periods. You capitalization is also spotty, keep it consistent. Either capitalize all or capitalize none of your lines. Stick to that rule with ryhming as well. All or none. Overall, nice job, I enjoyed this.

-Dreamy