Prochecy (proluge)

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This Is a new story I'm working on...I know itz short...but I hope you help me!! i know that it is shortbut most stories are
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I didn't know if I was going to live...or die. I am scared. I need my friends, and my savior. I never feared the darkness, I usually bathe in it. Not now, though.
Bound to a post, beaten up, bleeding profusely. Where is my savior?
I finally go under the bridge of unconsciousness...
Last edited by jolene on Tue Jul 13, 2010 8:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Hello! Yes, this is extremely short, but I think it's a good start. There isn't much here though to truly help you with. It's just a little blurb. Expand more on this, add details, dialog, etc. and then I'm sure I will be able to give you better advice.

Good luck!

Embee.
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Hey jolene!
I think its (not itZ haha) really short so there is not much to critique on actually. If you were to imagine this in a book, a prologue wouldn't be this short. So like Embee said add dialogue and description. Make this a really good prologue (not proluge)
I hope this helped, if you add more PM me and I'll be happy to read it. So keep writing, and for now,
BYE!
~Tamara
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Hey jolene, what's up? :) I'm KD, and I'll be your reviewer today!
Not bad. Here's a nitpick critique for you: Watch your tenses! You switched from past to present tenses in this one prologue already.
Second critique: This would be even better if you could give more clues about what's going on, to make the reader even more interested.
Besides that, I think you have a good start here. Good luck-

KD
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Well its not much of a prologue, it should be placed in the beginning of chapter one.
There is no telling what the story is going to be about, but it should be a good read.
If you should ever decide to make a prologue , make it at least a page long. :)
good luck.. :D
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Hey jolene! :D

First of all, I don't think this is a prologue! A prologue is more like a chapter. What I think you want to know is if this is a good hook, or the very first lines of your story!

Anyway, I think you can be a lot more specific than this. Right now, this is a bit vague. What does she mean by darkness? What sort of savior is she talking about (religious, or something else)? Why is she bound to a post?

No, really, why is she bound to a post and beaten up? Answering that question is key, I think. It makes us wonder and us wondering is a good thing! Just don't be vague. ;)
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