random absurd story

a carot was walking in the forest then a giant brockley dinosaur jumped in front of it and laughed at the carrots over weight stomach. then the carrot ppointed away from the dinosaur and the dinosaur looked away ten the carrot eat it and proved its obesity. he gulped the dinosaur and felt sick and cryed. he wondered when will people stop picking on him. so he walked on suddenly theres a pack of wolves made out of walkers crisps they snarl one of them farts and that hurts the carrots ear. he coveres his ears and suddenly all the wolves are knocked out cold

Firstly I must say this is funny! I was really off my seat for the whole time. But as dictation states, I must review and the grammar used in this was minimal. Oh, by the way I'm Puffycherry but you can call me Chrissie.

a carot was walking in the forest

There should be a capital letter for the start of the sentence and a full stop at the end. This rather feels like a statement, and I believe you could've lengthened it.

then a giant brockley dinosaur jumped in front of it and laughed at the carrots over weight stomach.

Then, if you choose to use it, should be in a captial letter. Other wise you can use another word that would make it flow a lot easier.

then the carrot ppointed away from the dinosaur and the dinosaur looked away ten the carrot eat it and proved its obesity

Capital for the start, of course. There is only one p in pointed, not two. Once after looked away you should have a full stop. And I believe it is then no ten, also this should be a capital.

he gulped the dinosaur and felt sick and cryed.

Capital for he (yet again, it is the starting of a capital letter), cried isn't spelt with a y but an i.

he wondered when will people stop picking on him.

Capital letter for he, as it is yet again a beginning of a sentence.

so he walked on suddenly theres a pack of wolves made out of walkers crisps they snarl one of them farts and that hurts the carrots ear.

So should be a capital! There should be apostrophe right after 'So he walked on' and an and would be great also. After walkers crips there should be a full stop, and resutling in the they being a capital. Snarl should be snarled, and a apostrophe afterwards.

he coveres his ears and suddenly all the wolves are knocked out cold

He should be capital and full stop at the end.

I must say the ending was fabulously funny! But grammar not as good, I think you really should read over your work and then the mistakes will just come flying out at you. Other then the 'lil nitpicks above, I must say this is one heck of a funny story or really paragraph.

Hiya there! I'm Hope and I'll be doing a review for you .

First all the grammar errors.

A carrot was walking in the forest when a giant broccoli dinosaur jumped in front of it and laughed at the carrots over weight stomach.

Then the carrot ppointed away from the dinosaur and the dinosaur looked away then the carrot eat it and proved its obesity.

He gulped the dinosaur and felt sick and cried. He wondered when will people would stop picking on him. so He walked on. Suddenly theres was a pack of wolves made out of walkers crisps. They snarled one of them farts and that hurts the carrots ear.

He coveres his ears and suddenly all the wolves are knocked out cold.

Now as for content it's very childish in it's humor, which is fine, I personally love kids books, but you change tense and the fact that it's so bland make me not really like it all that much. Try adding in some details, it doesn't have to be all that much, just some because the way it is now is just boring. If you put in some childish sounding details then it makes it even better.

I think with all the grammar and punctuation mistakes that you did this on purpose. It makes the story even more absurd.

Welcome to YWS!

jorgeandrade wrote:a carot was walking in the forest then a giant brockley dinosaur jumped in front of it and laughed at the carrots over weight stomach. then the carrot ppointed away from the dinosaur and the dinosaur looked away ten the carrot eat it and proved its obesity. he gulped the dinosaur and felt sick and cryed. he wondered when will people stop picking on him. so he walked on suddenly theres a pack of wolves made out of walkers crisps they snarl one of them farts and that hurts the carrots ear. he coveres his ears and suddenly all the wolves are knocked out cold

I'm using Firefox, which has this neat feature where you can automatically see spelling errors. YWS also has a check spelling function. I know you didn't use either, because the errors are pretty painful.

A list of spelling errors follows, along with the corrections.

carot ----> carrot
brockley --> broccoli
ppointed --> pointed
cryed -----> cried
theres ----> there is (or there's).
coveres ---> covers

Grammar: This story is also missing a lot of the rules of grammar. Basic ones, like "always capitalize the first letter of a sentence." The story reminded me of the way people write in a chat room. They never capitalize letters, they misspell words in their haste, and their grammar is always atrocious.

It is appropriate in chat rooms because they are trying to talk with someone in real time. On the forum though, you have the time to carefully craft a post. As a result, we expect good spelling and grammar, not just from stories, but on the forum in general. We tend to judge people by how they write. If you write beautifully and clearly, then people will think well of you. If you write like a kid... well, that's how we'll treat you.

I'm not going to talk about this story, because I don't think you really care about it. If you had, you would have taken more care of it. You might think your being really funny, absurd, and random, but you're not. On YWS, we see funny, absurd, and random all the time and they're much better quality.

For example: take the script FREAKY SPAGHETTI. Random, absurd, and funny, with proper spelling and grammar where required.

There is a lot of things to learn about YWS, the good thing is that there are plenty of people who are willing to share it.

You have a ton of mistakes that the others already pointed out and your grammar is in need of some definite work. Like GK said to I don't think you took this seriously even if your writing an absurd that in opinion was not funny in the least because then you would have seen the spell check button and at least re-read your story. I'm not trying to be mean or anything but.... your story was just flat out childish. But there was something I must comment on before I end my review I saw a potential for a story in this that would be hilarious and very popular. And since no one officially welcomed you to YWS I will: Welcome Jorge

Hello there!

First of all, this is really an "absurd" story(really similar to your title), made me laugh out of its funny plot.

However, I could see a lot of mistakes around here especially with your grammar, spellings, dots, commas and lastly, your capitalization. Anyway, others seemed to have pretty much covered up all those mistakes so I won't nitpick anymore. I think it would be really better if you fix those things or... did you just write that way intentionally to look this as a humorous story?

Keep up!

Peace out!

Wait! This seems incomplete! He covers his ears and then the wolves are knocked cold... and then what??? Does Mr. Car A. Rot do anything more? Does he kill them? Add him to his carrot hall of fame? Run away, screaming like a mad man? Absurd story or not, I still want to read a completed story.

hey george man,

yeah this is a random story and i think it has quite a potential to be a full-blown story, ya know the standard number of words to be called a story.
snoink is quite right in one thing though, it seems hanging. you could start polishing this off and complete it dude, the story is hilarious and entertaining. you can make this one funnier with more details, though.

This story is very Pytonesque and funny. The problem is that there are spelling mistakes and Grammatical mistakes through out. Editing will solve this problem.