The Ultimate Critique

((Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the next generation of self degradation.))

Hey Tenyo. Inner Editor here to review; Your Life.

At first glance the structure seems a little all over the place. In some parts there’s too much action to keep track of, and in others the main character is sleeping most of the time. The high school and after-college areas are full of excitement, but the part entitled ‘unemployed and alone’ is rather a pathetic scene.

As for your main character, this protagonist is incredibly annoying. Protagonist's should be easily to relate to, and yours seems to have the brain of a monkey, or some other form of primate.

Repeating words tends to get boring, and there’s a few that you repeat quite often. The ones that stood out most where ‘dammit,’ and ‘oh shit.’ Which brings me cleanly onto my next point.

The term ‘shit’ is considered a curse word, and despite that you where only seven when you said it, that does not mean it is suitable for seven-year-old's to read. Please put in more consideration and rate your work more appropriately next time.

You have used the term ’The biggest mistake in the history of mistakes,’ several times during "Your Life". I don’t understand. Did you change your mind about what was the biggest mistake, or do you frequently screw up so bad you can’t decide?

For this, I would recommend going back to “Prologue: nine months before I was born,” where the term is first used. Do not use it after that. This will help to decide on a definite ‘biggest mistake.’

The romances referred to in chapters 14, 16, 17 and 19 all seem a little… Fantasy based, which is not appropriate for the genre. The person in chapter 17 is particularly unrealistic, and did chapter 19 reeaaly happen? Not to doubt the authenticity of your claims or anything, but, you know…

The high school grades are inconsistent with the antics as well. I don’t see how anyone who can cause a total of three science-laboratory explosions and cause so much damage could actually succeed in getting 2 A*s. Was your main character purposely destructive, or actually that dense?

This seemed to have no plot at all. If it did, it was quite chaotic. I don’t think your main character, or you, at that, has any clue where this story is going. I would suggest rewriting the whole thing.

Conclusion: overall, “Your Life” sucks.

Hope this helps.
~Frederick.

Hey Tenyo!

Sooooo... this piece. XD

Yeah, basically, life doesn't translate well to fiction. What was that cliche... "stranger than fiction"? However, I think that you're pressing a little too hard so that the humor which is inherent to it dries up rather quickly. So be a little more light-hearted and less heavy-handed, especially towards the end (which is the most heavy-handed spot). It'll be a lot better that way.

Yeah, nah, this was FUNNY start to finish!

I wondered what I was getting myself into, starting to read this. Then, I realised what it was - and it is so clever! I love reading things that are not only based on an original idea, but are also well-executed.

At first glance the structure seems a little all over the place. In some parts there’s too much action to keep track of, and in others the main character is sleeping most of the time. The high school and after-college areas are full of excitement, but the part entitled ‘unemployed and alone’ is rather a pathetic scene.

That was a crack-up. 'Stucture all over the place' etc was so precise, and so true - which is what made it all the more interesting to read.

I didn't like the ending so much - conclusion, your life sucks and all - since you could have been a lot more professional than that. All throughout this piece, there was a bossy, stuffy sense of tongue-in-cheek professional critiquing, which was all the funnier since you were dead serious throughout it.

Oh man - whenever I find a writer with an idea as good as this, I wish I'd thought of it first. That's when you know you've done your job.

Anyway, there's little point in me critiquing a light bit of humour like this, which is well-enough written as it is - so thanks for putting it up for my enjoyment!