Collision Of Brothering Blood

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The smell of blood chocked the air as I stumbled along uprooted tree branches and dead bodies. I could not quite fathom how it had come to this, this bloody battle that someone could have found a way to avoid. The fog was making it impossible for me to know what direction I was headed in or if it was even the right one. I was wounded with a stab in my abdomen and bleeding heavily. I knew if I didn't receive treatment soon I would eventually bleed to death and I was only twenty-two years of age. My body screamed to sleep but my will pushed me on to live. I was possible the only living person left and that was what it came down too. I noticed a faint light up ahead and felt relief pulse through my veins. Since I didn't know if It was the light of life or death I had to be weary and cautious.
The blood was warm and oozing through the cloth, covering my hand. I was becoming more dizzy and knew I would soon pass out. As I came into the clearing I could have hooted with the relief if it hadn't been for the situation I was currently in. There were medical personal frantically running everywhere trying to help the wounded or dying.
A young woman that was covered in blood noticed me and ran to my aid. She didn't get to asking questions before I passed out cold. I awoke unable to remember but the dull throb in my abdomen sent a chilling reminder of how I got the wound. I knew it wasn't pretty no doctor had to tell me that.




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Hey babymagic! :D

Right now, you've started at a rather odd place! Most people would start at the beginning of the battle scene, not at the end. Mind you, it's all right to start at the end of the battle scene, but I think it would be a lot better for you, personally, to start at the beginning. Why? Because you need something catchy to bring us in and right now, his dizziness and readiness to pass out isn't quite catchy.

If you still want to stick with the ending, that's fine too! Consider making it less about the character and his condition and more about what is happening around him. There are probably people around him in worse shape than he is (after all, he is walking) and he may notice that. That way, the story has a more epic feeling to it, rather than just being all about him. :)
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D



You sound like you're becoming emotionally involved with the custard.
— Nikki Morgan