Spring Nights

So today in my 11th grade English class, we had a guest speaker from a local college teach us more about poetry. At the end of his lesson, he gave us all about 10 minutes to write a quick poem. This is what I came up with. A better name would be much appreciated.

Spring Nights

Black skies with crickets chirping,
short breezes with mosquitoes buzzing,
neighborhood kids walking about
while I lounge on my back porch
with my guitar.

Well, I've certainly had these sorts of nights before, so I can like it more thoroughly due to my relation to the story at hand. I like the wording, the beat, and what you're trying to interpret with your poem. And for coming up with it in ten minutes makes it extra-special. Anyway, you clearly have a knack for writing poems. So keep on writing!

Firstly, I'd like to say that I enjoy reading about such topics - spring nights, sunsets, love, quirky characters and all - they are an easy and effortless thing to write about.

Secondly, to write about them well, you've really got to do it in an unconventional and innovative way, otherwise it has little impact, and sounds rather cliche. We've heard most of it before, so there's little point in doling out the imagery we can all imagine anyway. Give us the same thing on a different platter, with a different mixture of adverbs and adjectives - personify aspects of the night, make it speak to us instead of just sitting there.

Black skies with crickets chirping,
short breezes with mosquitoes buzzing,
neighborhood kids walking about
while I lounge on my back porch
with my guitar.

And so what? It's nighttime, it's an ordinary scene, and the narrator is sitting there with their guitar. This means very little to me. There are far more inventive ways of saying 'black skies with crickets chirping' - this is so literal that it almost puts us off. The next few lines are likewise totally literal. Now, note that this is not necessarily a bad thing - you don't need to write a poem that is excesssively convoluted with imagery and amazing description - far from it, in fact. However, if you are writing about something as non-imagery-oriented as this, make each line actually matter to us, make it stand out in some way; give it a distinct 'feel' or 'thought' to go along with it.


To take something from your signature:

"Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader—not the fact that it is raining, but the feeling of being rained upon."
-E.L. Doctorow

Make us feel something. Make us think something. Write with passion - ten minutes are not long enough to give the sweet and simple concept of someone strumming their guitar on a starry porch enough justice. Expand on this, and build upon it - the idea itself is great; just the execution needs some working on.

Hi there!

Alright, well, to add to what Navita just said, the subject you've chosen is easy to right about but hard to write well. It pops up often in poetry, and therefore a lot of it seems really cliche. On top that, your poem is short, so you have very little time to hook us with imagery and rhythm. So, how did you do?

Well, alright, I guess. Your imagery is lovely, but it does little for the reader as a whole. What do you want the theme of this poem to be? What do you want the reader to walk away with knowing? Maybe you could make this a bit longer. Why does the girl play her guitar? Does it bear any kind of significance to her? You mention it but never really make the time for the reader to understand why it's so important. Only you know, so try to make it so we can understand.

Good luck revising, and PM me if you have any questions.

-Elinor xo

The first thing that I thought of when I clicked on this poem is that the title doesn't catch my attention. I think you need something that jumps out there. I have the same problem with this. I like your description, but I feel that it is way to short. I think if you made it longer it would be much more amazing. That's all I can see right now that hasn't been touched on.

Keep Writing

-Flower-