Wish I had a name for this!

This sort of just popped into my head. I haven't any idea what it really means, but...well, there you go.


Shining like a knife,
dark in the light,
as alike as
anything can be.

To this I owe,
nothing.
And yet,
I come back,
again, again.

Anger rears,
but I pay no heed,
for Fear
is beyond such things.

Hey,

It is a good poem, but not all of it makes sense. I do like the part about the knife. Is it meant to be like a thing of darkness and danger in light of peace. (if not, then ignore what I said. It's just my lame opinion.)

The part that doesn't make sense to me is the part, 'as alike as anything can be.' How is it alike? What is it alike to? When you write, if you don't understand what is said, then the reads probably won't either.

But it was pretty good. Keep it up.

I'm afraid that you haven't give us, the audience, a lot to work with. And if the author doesn't even understand what he or she wrote, how can the readers?

The first stanza is loaded with cliche–esque imagery, and is opaque. Remove it.

Your rhythm/meter is irregular from stanza to stanza, which is something I think you should fix.

Second stanza is confusing because it refers to some truth we were supposed to have gathered from the previous, but as I already mentioned, this is impossible.

And, well, the third stanza reads like complete nonsense.

I shall be frank. Post only what you understand; and if no one else does, at least you can clarify for them. Otherwise, don't even bother.

–antimelrose

Ack! Ack! Bill the Cat! Omg, your avvie is amazing, RedBird!

Now, to the poem! It's really really random right now... which makes sense because you don't even know what it means! And that's okay... really! Now, to make it really poetic, look at it and think of what it could mean. Think about it for a while and then, when you think you have an answer, expand on t his. Your poetry will be that much better, honest.

O.k. I read this poem and I left with nothing but confusion. If there is some deep meaning to this poem I don't see it. I think you need to give more information. It seems as if your stanzas are trying to be the same, but aren't working together. I am sorry I couldn't help more.
A. S.

Hi!

So, I think I felt a little cheated when reading this poem. This is simply because it could be so much better, be filled with so much more detail then it has right now. I like the idea behind it and what it could become, but the actual meat of the story just seemed a little thin and lacking. as much, I'll do a stanza-by-stanza critique of this.

Shining like a knife,
dark in the light,
as alike as
anything can be.

In this section, the question I really need to ask is what. What's shining like a knife? What's as alike as anything can be? When you're using comparisons and similes, it can help if you're actually comparing two things! In this stanza, I get one item but not the other, and it can get a bit confusing.

To this I owe nothing.
And yet, I come back
again and again.

As you can see already, I've rearranged the line breaks from the way you had before. In the original state, it was just confusing. For instance, why did "nothing" deserve its own line? I understand it's a powerful word within the line/stanza, but you should try to keep phrases, especially short ones, all one line. That keeps things flowing a bit better for the reader.

Anger rears,
but I pay no heed,
for Fear
is beyond such things.

I just think you need to rephrase this part. It took me two times to read this through and really understand what you want to say. It seems to me like you're just trying to be fancy and impress us with a big vocabulary. For instance, would "rear" even be correct? Maybe "roars" would be better. You could argue that that wouldn't be correct, but it's worked before in the metaphorical sense.

When you're revising this, just try to remember about flow. Keep phrases on one line unless they start to get much too long. Also, try to use proper grammar-punctuate a poem just like you would punctuate a story-as I noticed a few mistakes. Hope this helped! Good luck, and PM me if you have any questions.

-Elinor xo